Abigail Gordon - Country Midwife, Christmas Bride p.02

She wasn’t used to being in that sort of situation and if it hadn’t been for his children it wouldn’t
have occurred, yet she wouldn’t have missed it for the world. But from now on she was going to
have to adopt a more distant approach to everything that concerned them both, with the exception of
the clinic, which came top of her priorities.

As she walked along the main street towards the surgery there were lots of people about, residents
on their way to work, deliveries being made to some of the shops before they opened for the day,
and children on their way to the village school with whoever was in charge of them.

When she looked across the street Pollyanna and Jolyon were amongst them again, trotting along
with Jess. James’s small daughter was chattering away to her, but his son, who was gazing around
him, saw her and she heard him say, ‘There’s Lizzie!’ Polly and Jess glanced across and the three of
them waved enthusiastically.


It was just a small gesture but as she waved back there was a warm feeling inside her, a feeling of
belonging, being accepted into the community, a fitting start to her first day as the village midwife.

At the same moment that she was letting herself into the clinic James came through the door that
connected it to the surgery, and she was relieved to see by his manner that this morning he was
purely the doctor. The easy-to-get-on-with, doting father of before had been put on hold.

Sarah Martin, the young blonde receptionist, was with him and when he’d formally introduced them
he said briskly, ‘All good wishes for your first full day, Lizzie. You know where I am if you need
me. The staff have a coffee break round about eleven. Sarah will sort out yours and hers, and
remember there’s the kitchen next door if you want to use it at lunchtime.’

She nodded without meeting his glance, focusing on the demands of the day ahead to take her mind
off the degree of pleasure she was experiencing in being near him again. Heaven forbid that she
should join the list of those who would like to be the second Mrs Bartlett.

James was observing her keenly and wondering what had happened to the delightful woman who
had sat on the grass in the park with the children on either side of her, waiting for him to appear
with the ice-cream cornets.

But, of course, Lizzie had her midwife’s hat on this morning. If he read her mind correctly she
would have only one thought in it, the purpose for which she’d come to Willowmere. And that was
just how it should be, but it didn’t stop him from experiencing a niggling feeling of disappointment.

When she’d left them on the Saturday morning he’d told the children, ‘The babies that Lizzie looks
after have already got a mummy to love them, Polly. So I’m afraid she can’t give one to us, but one
day you might have a baby of your own, and won’t that be lovely?’

Thankfully that had sent her thoughts off in another direction and all the way home she’d been
thinking of names for it.

There were four mothers with appointments that first morning, each at different stages of their
pregnancies and with different questions and concerns. She had seen two of them before when
they’d been under her care in Antenatal at St Gabriel’s and now because they lived in Willowmere
they were taking advantage of the new facilities.

Colette Carter, the first one to be seen, was forty-two years old and the owner of a beauty salon in
the village. Previously childless, she and her husband, who had a car sales outlet across the way
from the post office, had been less than enthusiastic when she’d found she was pregnant.

They were Willowmere’s leading socialites and wanted to stay that way, but today when Colette put
in an appearance Lizzie discovered that everything had changed. They’d felt the first flutters of the
baby’s movements and the realisation had transformed the couple’s thinking.

Because of her age and the pregnancy being sixteen weeks along, she was due to go to St Gabriel’s
soon for an amniocentesis to check for any abnormalities in the foetus she was carrying. After
Lizzie had checked her blood pressure and listened to the baby’s heartbeat, Colette was anxious to
know what was involved in the process.

‘Ultrasound scanning is used to show the position of the baby and the placenta,’ Lizzie explained,
‘and then a needle with a syringe on the end is inserted through the wall of the uterus so that a small
amount of the amniotic fluid that surrounds the baby can be drawn off to check for any
abnormalities.’

‘And suppose there are some?’ Colette questioned nervously. ‘What then?’

‘You will be told about them and the risks involved to the baby and yourself, and you would need to
decide whether to continue with the pregnancy or not.’

Referring to the patient’s records, Lizzie said, ‘There’s no known history of Down’s syndrome or
other genetic disorders in either of your families, but the test is important for your age group as


there is an increased risk in women over thirty-five. It’s just a precaution, Colette, so go home and
try not to worry.’

Of the other three patients with appointments, two were local women who already had young
families so they’d been through it before and knew the routine. One of them was in the early stages
of pregnancy so it was just a matter of blood tests, a urine sample and checking her general health
and lifestyle. The other one, whose pregnancy was further advanced, was due for a blood test to
assess the functioning of the placenta.

The last patient due to be seen hadn’t arrived and Lizzie went to ask James if he could shed some
light on the absence of Eugenie Cottrell.

He had just finished morning surgery and was about to set off on his home visits when she
appeared, framed in the doorway of his consulting room.

‘Hi,’ he said, smiling across at her. ‘How has it gone?’

‘Fine, so far,’ she told him. ‘Except that my last appointment hasn’t turned up and I wondered if
you’d heard anything from her that might explain it. Does the name Eugenie Cottrell ring a bell?’

He groaned. ‘She rang just five minutes ago asking for a home visit. I wasn’t aware that she’s
pregnant and was booked in to see you, or I would have come across to let you know that she’s got
some sort of severe stomach bug. I have her notes here. As one of Willowmere’s more colourful
characters Eugenie leads a very full life, with lots of partying and suchlike. She’s an artist and lives
in a cottage called The Hovel in woods near Willow Lake. There was a drink problem at one time.
It’s to be hoped that it’s sorted if she’s pregnant. Do you want to come with me, or wait until she
makes another appointment?’

‘I’ll tag along. From the sound of it this woman might need a watchful eye kept on her. Does the
name of her property indicate the state of the place?’

‘No, not really, it’s just her sense of humour. Eugenie attended the same school as me and was a
loose cannon back then.’

He was picking up his car keys and heading for the forecourt of the practice, and when she’d been
next door to get her bag and told Sarah where she was off to Lizzie joined him with a feeling that it
might have been wiser to have made her own way to this patient’s home. But considering that it was
in woodland and she didn’t yet know the area very well, it had to be the most sensible thing to do.

As they passed the lake, sparkling in the midday sun beneath the graceful willow trees, the house
that David had renovated with loving care for Laurel and himself came into view and Lizzie said,
‘When are David and Laurel due back from their honeymoon?’

‘This coming weekend,’ he replied. ‘They will both be back on the job next week, which will give
Ben Allardyce a chance to spend more time with Georgina and baby Arran. He and she had a rough
time for a few years after their little boy was drowned. The pain and grief of it separated them,
instead of bringing them closer together, and they divorced. But that is all behind them now and
they are blissfully happy.’

‘So that is another tragic instance of losing someone who was loved a lot,’ she said tonelessly.

He gave her a quick sideways glance. ‘You mean, like me?’

‘Er…yes.’

In truth she’d been thinking of both of them, but her sorrow was tucked away in a corner of her
heart and she didn’t want to bring it out for an airing while she was with James.

It was clear that in the Willowmere Health Centre of which her project was part, there were two
families who had faced up to loss and were getting on with their lives. So why wasn’t she doing the
same?


Maybe meeting James and the Allardyces was what she needed to jolt her out of the half-life that


she’d been living for the last three years.
He was observing her expression and wished he knew what she was thinking. There had to be a
reason for Lizzie’s changes of mood. He sensed that something deep within her was the cause of
them and wished he knew what it was, but one thing was for sure, he hadn’t known her long enough
to ask those kinds of questions.


They were driving through the woods now along the rough track that led to the cottage called The
Hovel, and she said, ‘Aren’t the trees beautiful as the leaves start to turn, James? I just love the
colours of autumn.’


‘Mmm, me too,’ he agreed, and as a red roof appeared with a smoking chimney perched on it he
wished they could spend the afternoon getting to know each other better, instead of fulfilling the
function that was part of his life’s blood.


An unshaven guy with a pleasant face opened the door to them when they arrived and after they’d


introduced themselves, said, ‘Eugenie’s upstairs and she has got some bellyache.’
‘Lead the way, then,’ James suggested, and the two of them followed him up a narrow winding
stairway into a colourful bedroom with purple satin sheets.


The woman they’d come to see was huddled beneath them, moaning softly, and when she saw them


she said, ‘I’ve got the most awful stomach pains, James.’
‘Have you been vomiting?’ he asked, as he and Lizzie stationed themselves on either side of the
bed.


‘No, it’s not that kind of thing, I don’t feel sick, but I’ve got dreadful pains in my stomach.’
‘Are you losing blood?’
‘Um…a bit,’ she said evasively.
‘I’ve Lizzie Carmichael with me,’ he told her. ‘She is the midwife you would have seen if you’d


been well enough to keep your appointment this morning. So how long have you been pregnant,
Eugenie?’
‘I’ve missed four or five times.’


‘And so far you’ve had no antenatal care?’
‘I was feeling OK. It was Zac downstairs who made me make the appointment at the new place in
the village.’


‘Is he the father?’ Lizzie asked.
‘Yes.’
‘We need to get you to hospital,’ James told her after he’d examined her. ‘You could be on the point


of miscarrying, and that is the cause of the pains. How long have you been losing blood?’
‘Since the middle of the night.’
‘I’ve called an ambulance,’ Lizzie said decisively. ‘The sooner we get you to St Gabriel’s the better,


Eugenie. I just wish you’d come to us when you knew you were pregnant rather than putting


yourself and the baby at risk this way.’
‘I know I’ve been stupid,’ the woman lying amongst the satin sheets said, ‘but I get so engrossed in
my painting everything else comes second. Will you tell Zac that I might be going to miscarry?’ she
begged James.


He sighed. ‘Yes, if you want me to, but wouldn’t you rather tell him yourself?’
‘No. He’ll be upset. I don’t like to see him like that.’ She fixed her gaze on Lizzie. ‘If they can save



my baby, will I still be able to come to the centre in the village?’

‘Yes, of course,’ she said reassuringly, ‘but first we have to get you into hospital care.’

The ambulance had been and gone with Eugenie’s devastated partner beside her, and as Lizzie and
James drove back the way they had come through the woods she sighed. ‘I hope I wasn’t too hard
on her.’

He glanced over at her. ‘You certainly weren’t happy about our patient not having taken advantage
of the care provided for pregnant women. Did I detect a personal note creeping in?’

‘Are you just asking or telling me off?’ she enquired.

‘I’m not just asking and neither am I telling you off,’ he replied equably. ‘Would you like to tell me
about it? You don’t have to.’

His quiet, nonjudgmental tone crept under Lizzie’s defences. ‘Yes, I was once pregnant and lost my
baby. Not because of any lack of care on my part, or that of the NHS, or because of the tricks that
nature plays, but it was due to someone’s carelessness, and I’ve had to live with that ever since.’

‘And the baby’s father?’

‘He isn’t around any more.’

‘I see.’

‘How can you when you don’t know anything about me?’ she said stiffly.

‘I know this much. You are top notch at the job, you like my children and they like you, but at this
moment you don’t like me much because you think I’m prying into matters that you don’t want to
discuss.’

He was wrong there, she thought. She liked him a lot. Too much for her own good. But it would
pass and so would the edgy moment that had come from her sharpness with the woman back there
in the woods.

It was nothing new. She was never envious when she placed a newborn into a loving mother’s arms,
but she had to admit Eugenie’s lack of care and attention had hit a raw spot.

‘You’re wrong about that,’ she said steadily. ‘How can I not like you when you’ve been so kind to
me? Remember the cow episode, and you asking Helen to make breakfast for me, and, top of the
list, inviting me to join you in the park.’

‘But you don’t like me enough to tell me what it is that drags you down sometimes,’ he said dryly.

‘I’ve just told you part of it. As for the rest, I’ve learnt from experience that loving too much, giving
one’s heart to someone completely, leaves no defences in times of grief and despair. So I steer clear
of that sort of thing and find life a lot easier by doing so.’

‘I take it this is about the baby you lost?’

‘Some of it, yes.’ There was no way she could tell him that she too had lost a partner in similar
circumstances to him, and that instead of facing up to her loss, as he had done, had secreted it away
in her heart where it lay like a stone.

‘And now can we talk about something else?’ she urged. ‘Eugenie’s paintings, for instance. They
were all over the place, weren’t they, and most unusual, like the woman herself. She’s very
talented.’

‘Mmm, she is,’ he agreed. ‘I have one in my bedroom that she painted of Julie, my wife. Eugenie
did it from memory but it’s an incredible likeness.’

There was nothing she could reply to that. All her photographs of Richard were shut away in a
drawer because it hurt too much to look at them. That was the difference between them. James was


living in the present, and where was she? Somewhere halfway to limbo?

They were back in the village and as he pulled up in front of the practice he said, ‘It’s lunchtime,
Lizzie. Have you anything planned?’

‘I’ve brought a sandwich and am going to make tea to go with it in the surgery kitchen.’

He nodded. ‘Good. I’m going to pop back home. I want to phone my sister in Africa and can
sometimes get her about this time, so I’ll have a bite while I’m there and will see you shortly.’

As they went their separate ways Lizzie thought that her first full morning at the centre had been
memorable, to put it mildly. The last thing she’d expected was to be out in the district with James
again for a similar reason to the previous occasion, a pregnant patient who might lose her baby.

When she’d brought Eugenie Cottrell’s records up to date she phoned St Gabriel’s for a second time
to ask what was happening with Kirsten.

She was told that the bleeding had stopped and that the placenta, as it sometimes did, had gone back
into place, but that they were keeping the pregnant teenager in for a while longer to make sure that
there would be no immediate recurrence of the problem, and after those reassurances she went for
her lunch.


CHAPTER FIVE


AS THE week progressed, the new centre was functioning smoothly. Lizzie was delighted when
James accepted Olivia Derringham’s offer of assistance for two half-days per week, and was
grateful for her input.

Olivia was pleasant and helpful and thrilled that her husband’s gift to the village was now
established and working. She told Lizzie that when she’d been expecting their last child, Georgina
Allardyce, who at that time had been Dr Adams, had come out to her several times for various
problems associated with the pregnancy, even though the actual birth was to take place in a private
hospital.

‘The village practice is dear to our hearts,’ she explained. ‘And I’ve been thinking, what about if
some time in the future we could offer the mothers who want to have their babies at home a birthing
pool, so that they could have the use of it in their own home when the time came, if they so wished?
What do you think? Though we are talking about more funding on quite a large scale, so it might
have to wait a little while.’

‘That would be fantastic!’ Lizzie told her. ‘Maybe we could start a fund for it. I’m sure that James
would be all for it and so would the more forward thinking of our expectant mothers.’

Olivia smiled at her enthusiasm. ‘You could try twisting the arm of the primary care trust, and I’ll
do the same to my husband.’

When Lizzie met James in the kitchen in the lunch-hour he said, ‘You look very perky today. What
gives?’

Ever since Monday’s visit to the house in the woods and the revealing conversation he’d had with
her on the way back, they had met only briefly, usually in connection with those who came for
antenatal care and were also involved with the surgery.

On one of those occasions he’d told her that Eugenie had been kept in St Gabriel’s for bed rest and
to get her blood pressure down, which had been sky high, as he’d discovered when he’d examined
her at the cottage.

‘According to the father-to-be she hasn’t miscarried yet, but as we know only too well it doesn’t say
that she isn’t going to,’ he’d said with businesslike brevity. ‘He seems a really decent guy and if she
does carry to full term I can see him in the role of house-husband, caring for the child while she
paints.’

It had been a sombre moment, so it was good to see Lizzie now lit up like a light bulb. She’d made
clear her attitude on relationships and he’d been asking himself if it had been a warning, a keepyour-
distance sort of statement. The only thing that was clear regarding what she’d said was that she
had no yearnings towards him.

She liked him for his good deeds, he thought wryly, which made him sound a bore, but that was as
far as it went, and for someone who was supposed to be the catch of the village it was black comedy
at its best.

‘Lady Derringham has suggested that we try for a birthing pool some time in the future,’ she said.
‘What do you think?’

‘I think that we are a long way off that sort of thing. We are talking about thousands of pounds. I
read of a similar venture at a birth centre somewhere and it cost in the region of thirty-five thousand
pounds. We have to learn to walk before we can run, Lizzie. A thousand coffee mornings and bring-
and-buy sales wouldn’t fetch in that sort of money, though I do understand your enthusiasm. If I
don’t understand anything else about you, I understand that.’ He was being perverse and knew it.
The thought of a birthing pool was as dear to his heart as it was to hers and if the opportunity arose,
he would welcome it with open arms.


‘It was more the primary care trust we were thinking of and Lord Derringham’s fondness for the
practice,’ she said, deflated by his downbeat reaction. ‘But I suppose you’re right. Olivia and I were
letting ourselves get carried away with the idea.’And picking up the mug of tea that she’d just
made, she went back to her own domain.

On Friday afternoon Sarah said, ‘Did you know that it’s the harvest festival on Sunday morning,
Lizzie?’

‘I’ve seen a notice about it,’ she replied, ‘but hadn’t really absorbed it as I’ve been so busy here.
What does it involve?’

‘It starts with a parade of the farmers driving hay carts and trucks around the village, displaying
their produce, followed by farm machinery such as tractors and combine harvesters, and ends up
outside the church.

‘At the start of the service the farming families walk down the aisle with offerings from their
harvests and place them in front of the altar, and when it is over the foodstuffs are taken to a centre
that feeds the homeless.’

‘I see,’ Lizzie said thoughtfully as two things occurred to her. The first was that it was a lovely idea,
and the second that James and the children might be there. Contrary to the comments she’d made to
him on the way back from Eugenie’s cottage, it would bring light into her weekend if they were.

Saturday had dragged by as Saturdays often did, and on Sunday morning Lizzie joined the village
folk waiting for the farming community to appear with their various offerings in an assortment of
vehicles.

As the procession came trundling along, led by the village’s brass band, a small hand was placed in
hers and Jolyon said, ‘When are you coming to play with us again, Lizzie?’

She turned. James and Pollyanna were behind her, smiling at the surprise on her face, and
contentment settled on her like a blessing when James said, ‘They haven’t forgotten the time you
came to the park with us, Lizzie. You’re top of the pops.’

‘I don’t know why,’ she said laughingly. ‘Your children are irresistible.’

And so are you, he thought in slow wonder, in spite of you being so much on the defensive
sometimes. But that wasn’t so today. Lizzie was smiling widely as she bent to hear what the
children were saying above the noise of the band, and as the long fair plait of her hair swung loosely
with the movement he felt the urge to press his lips against the soft skin on the back of her neck.

She straightened up at that moment and caught him off guard as she turned to face him, and a tide
of colour rose in her cheeks as their glances met.

‘Are you going in to the service when the procession is over?’ she asked quickly to cover confusion.
‘The children are deciding who is going to sit where.’

‘Yes. Of course,’ he replied. ‘We never miss the harvest. This is a farming community mostly and I
think that the children need to know where a lot of the food they eat comes from, don’t you?’

‘Er…yes,’ she replied absently, still thrown by what she’d seen in his eyes.

‘So let’s go in and get settled, then,’ he suggested, ‘and am I right in thinking that I’m going to be
on the end with you in the middle of your fan club?’

‘It would seem so,’ she said laughingly, and taking the children each by the hand she led the way
into the old Norman church that stood only yards from the surgery complex.

As the four of them made their way to the front so that Pollyanna and Jolyon could see what was
going on, there were a few surprised glances coming their way as the church was already half-full,
and James thought wryly there was no cause for excitement amongst the locals. It wasn’t what it
looked like.


He was breaking the routine of almost six years by allowing himself to be attracted to the one
woman who wasn’t interested in him. The only things that made Lizzie sparkle were the job and his
children, and he was damned if he was going to use Polly and Jolly as a means of getting through to
her.

When the service was over and the church was filled with sacks of grain, vegetables from the fields
and fruit from the orchards, he discovered keeping to that vow wasn’t going to be easy.

He always took the children to the Hollyhocks for Sunday lunch. He had a regular table booked and
today would be no different except for one thing. They wanted Lizzie to join them, wanted her with
them. And so did he, but not in the way it was happening, with the impetus coming from Polly and
Jolly. He wanted it to have come from her, but knew that wasn’t likely.

She was observing him questioningly and said, ‘I don’t want to intrude, James.’

‘You won’t,’ he said smoothly. ‘I have a table booked, so we won’t have to queue.’

He was watching her expression and thought she was going to refuse. Even though she was
enchanted by the children Lizzie wasn’t going to join them. But he was wrong.

After a moment’s silence she said, ‘Then that would be lovely, James, if you’re sure.’

He was sure. Sure she was only coming for the children’s sake, and would accept that for the
moment if it was what made them happy. It was strange how they’d taken to her just like that, they
all had, and as far as Polly and Jolly were concerned it wasn’t because they’d been starved of
female company after losing their mother.

There had been Anna, his sister, who’d put her life on hold for them, and now they had Jess, who
was great, though she did have a life of her own too and was now engaged to a young farmer from
the next village.

And then there was his housekeeper, Helen, who was amazing and very fond of them, but he
thought that the children must see something in Lizzie that they hadn’t already got.

As they walked the short distance to the tea rooms he gave a quick sideways glance to where she
was walking along with one child on either side. The children were chatting to her happily and he
thought that maybe Lizzie found something in them that she needed, too.

His needs didn’t seem to come into it, he thought wryly, but he’d put up with that sort of a situation
long enough to be able to cope with it. The vacant space in the bed was likely to be there for some
time to come.

He wasn’t the only one who’d been badly hurt in the past. From what he could gather, Lizzie too
had known sorrow. She’d lost a child, which was enough agony for any woman in a lifetime, and
the father of it was no longer with her to offer comfort, for what reason she hadn’t been prepared to
say. But she’d made it clear that she wasn’t going to risk getting hurt again.

Yet surely she could talk about it to him, of all people. He’d had to travel along a painful road
himself, though for him there’d been Anna and loving friends to support him, but it didn’t sound as
if it had been like that for Lizzie.

There was a fresh face behind the counter when they went into the Hollyhocks Tea Rooms and
Simon introduced her as his sister. When they’d asked about Emma, and James had introduced
Lizzie as the new midwife, he said, ‘She’s resting and is only going to do a couple of hours each
day while she’s pregnant.’

‘You’ll look after her, won’t you?’ he asked Lizzie anxiously. ‘We’ve waited a long time for this.
When she was pregnant before, she was unwell all the time and in the end she had a miscarriage.’

‘We will be taking great care regarding that and every other problem that might arise,’ Lizzie
assured him. ‘Do feel free to come to the clinic with Emma when she has an appointment. That way


you can keep a check on the progress of the pregnancy first hand.’

‘Yes, I’ll do that,’ he promised, his expression lightening, and as they turned away to go to their
table she said, ‘It’s such a shame that everyone can’t look forward to the birth with an easy mind.’

‘Yes,’ he agreed, ‘but it would be just too good to be true if such an amazing and complicated thing
was always worry free.’ He smiled. ‘That’s what you and I are here for, isn’t it, to iron out the
creases if we can?’

With his glance on the children, who were already wriggling onto chairs placed around a table for
four, he said, ‘And in the meantime, shall we satisfy our hunger?’

Pollyanna and Jolyon were each holding a menu and he said laughingly, ‘That isn’t necessary. They
have the same thing every time we come here.’

‘And what’s that?’ she asked, sharing his amusement.

‘Chicken and chips, with ice cream for afters.’

‘Sounds good. I’ll have the same.’

‘Are you sure? There’s lots to choose from.’

‘Yes. That will be fine. What about you?’

‘Salad, I’m trying to keep trim.’

Lizzie looked away. She could have told him that to her he was trim, with a few other attractions
added on for good measure. He was tall, athletic and attractive in a casual sort of way, with the kind
of good looks many women would look twice at.

But obviously he hadn’t responded or someone would have stepped into his dead wife’s shoes
before now. Her expression softened at the thought of Pollyanna’s love of wearing her mother’s
shoes. One day she would give her the blue ones that she’d coveted if James had no objections.

She could have stayed with them for ever, but when they’d finished the meal Lizzie rose reluctantly
to her feet and with a smile that embraced them all but was mainly directed at James, said, ‘I think it
is time I gave you some space. It was lovely to share the harvest with you and be invited to lunch,
but there are only so many hours in a weekend, James, and I don’t want to intrude in too many of
them, so I’ll say goodbye until Monday morning.’

She saw the children’s downcast expressions and putting to one side her intention of keeping it light
between them, said, ‘Maybe you could come to have lunch with me at my cottage one day. It would
be nice to cook for more than one.’

‘Ye-es!’ Pollyanna and Jolyon chorused, but James merely nodded, which made Lizzie wish she
hadn’t been so premature with the invitation. That being so, she didn’t linger. She made her way
quickly out on to the street and headed for home.

When she’d taken off her jacket and kicked off her shoes she sank down onto the sofa and stared
into space, reliving every pleasurable moment that she’d spent with James and his children and
trying to ignore the voice of common sense that was whispering in her ear, You’re not ready for this.

It was true, she wasn’t, but if she looked at it from that angle she never would be. Being with them
was chipping away at the ice around her heart and if it began to melt, what then?

Apart from the moment when she’d caught something in his expression as she’d raised her head
from listening to what the children had been saying when the band had been playing, James wasn’t
giving out any signals and neither was she. But it didn’t stop him and the children being the first
thing she thought of on awakening and the last thing in her mind at night.

For the rest of Sunday she did the few chores needing to be done, and once that was accomplished
she wandered restlessly around the cottage’s small rooms until the streetlamps began to come on


and a yellow harvest moon appeared in the sky.

Slipping on a jacket and picking up her purse, she went out into the night and looked around her,
undecided which way to go. She could see the lights of The Pheasant beaming out across the main
street and there were a few people strolling in that direction, off to share the company of friends or
just simply to relax for a while, and the extent of her loneliness was starkly clear at that moment.

She would stick out as a woman on her own if she went in there, and the last thing she wanted was
to be conspicuous. What would James be doing at this moment? she wondered as just a short
distance away the lights of Bracken House were lighting up the surgery forecourt. Tucking the
children up for the night maybe, or going over the surgery accounts with the practice manager as he
sometimes did out of hours.

He wasn’t doing either of those things. Pollyanna and Jolyon had been asleep for a while, and his
intention of going next door to the surgery to bring back some paperwork that he wanted to look
over regarding the practice hadn’t materialised because he couldn’t concentrate on anything except
the effect that Lizzie was having on him.

The way she smiled, the way she would bring herself down to the children’s level when they
wanted to play, was bewitching, but he couldn’t help wishing that sometimes she would elevate
herself to the plane that he moved on.

Yet did he want to disrupt the life he’d made for himself and set sail on uncharted seas? He’d put
thoughts of Lizzie to the back of his mind when they’d separated after lunch, but Pollyanna hadn’t
let that last long.

As he’d been brushing her hair before she went to bed she’d asked unexpectedly if she could have it
like Lizzie’s, and he hadn’t been able think of a reason why not, unless it was that for the first time
ever he was going to have to make a plait of his daughter’s long golden tresses.

He opened the front door with sudden determination. He would do some practice work, he decided
as he stepped out into another mellow night. No use yearning for what could threaten his ordered
life.

As he looked down the street he saw her, standing irresolute not far from The Pheasant, and his
intentions to do something useful went by the board.

In a matter of a few strides he was beside her and saying, ‘Hello again. Is everything all right?’

It is now, Lizzie thought, but didn’t voice it. The pleasure of being near him again was washing over
her in a warm tide. ‘Yes. I came out for a change of scene and was debating whether I wanted to
walk into The Pheasant on my own.’

His smile was wry. ‘Can’t do anything about that, I’m afraid. I have two sleeping children upstairs,
but I can offer you a drink at home if you want to come inside.’

Lizzie hesitated. She couldn’t think of anything she would like more but…

‘You would prefer it if the children were there, wouldn’t you?’ he said levelly. ‘I’m just a means to
you being with them, aren’t I? I’m only asking you in for a drink, Lizzie.’

‘I know you are,’ she replied uncomfortably, ‘and I don’t need Pollyanna and Jolyon to chaperone
us. Yes, I’d like to have a drink with you, James.’

‘So come this way, then,’ he said calmly, and as they walked the few steps to Bracken House he
went on, ‘You weren’t the only one at a loose end. I couldn’t settle and was about to go next door
for some paperwork to keep me occupied. You arriving on the scene has given me the excuse I was
looking for.’

He led her into the sitting room and when he’d opened a bottle of wine and was pouring it, said,
‘You’ll never guess what Pollyanna has asked me to do. She wants her hair in a plait like yours.’


‘Really!’ she exclaimed laughingly. ‘I can imagine how much you’ll be looking forward to that. I’ll
bet you wished me far away.’

‘Not at all,’ he protested. ‘With Polly and Jolly having no mother, I’m always ready for them to
have the benefit of pleasant and trustworthy female company to help fill the gap.’

‘But you’ve never done anything about filling it yourself…on a permanent basis?’

‘I might have done if the right woman had come along, but she hasn’t so far and the gap remains.
Better no one than make a mistake, don’t you think?’ With a quizzical smile he added, ‘You may be
surprised to know that I rarely discuss my private life with anyone. In fact, this is a first.’

Lizzie placed her wineglass carefully on the small table beside her and rose to her feet. She had a
feeling like she was drowning. They were discussing the fact that James had no wife. It was a good
moment to explain that she had no husband, but the words were sticking in her throat in case he
thought that she was using the opportunity to inform him that she was available on the marriage
market.

‘What’s wrong?’ he wanted to know. ‘Why are you about to rush off? Is it something I’ve said?’

She shook her head. ‘No. It is something that I have left unsaid. You might be surprised to know
that my life has not been unlike yours, James, and I can’t see it altering in the near future. I was
married to someone I loved dearly and lost him, as well as the baby I was carrying, in a ghastly
accident on the motorway. It was three years ago and I’ve never found anyone since to equal
Richard.’

There was amazed concern on his face and she thought guiltily that the last sentence wasn’t true.
She had found someone. He was standing next to her. And she shuddered to think what he would
say if he knew.

‘Don’t go,’ he said gently, his blue gaze full of compassion. She sank back down onto the chair.
‘You’ve had to cope with that all alone? No relatives or friends?’

‘There was an aunt way back who brought me up when I lost my parents quite young. But she saw
it as a chore more than anything else and was only too willing to let me spread my wings when I
was old enough. She hasn’t been in contact since, but I do have friends. Giles Meredith at St
Gabriel’s and his wife were there for me at the time and a few others, but I think they’ve wearied of
my desire for solitude and have drifted away.

‘But don’t feel sorry for me, James. I have midwifery, the job that I was cut out for, to keep me
sane, and I count myself fortunate because now I’m working in this lovely village with you and lots
of other kind people around me.’

She was smiling now. ‘And if you would like to refill my glass, why don’t we drink to Willowmere,
the new maternity clinic and the village practice?’

As they clinked their glasses together on that he said softly, ‘You are welcome here at Bracken
House any time, Lizzie. I get weary of my own company sometimes.’

She didn’t take him up on that, but as her glance held his over the top of the glass she offered, ‘If
you have any trouble with the plait I’ll be only too pleased to oblige.’

‘What? Every morning?’

‘Yes, if need be.’

That would suit him just fine, he thought, starting each day with them all together, him, her and the
children. But he wasn’t going to risk having Lizzie shy away from him by telling her so. Not after
them beginning to understand each other better after the revealing conversation they’d just had. So
he said with a change of direction but still with the same thought in mind, ‘Do you want to go up
and have a peep at them?’


‘Mmm, yes, please,’ she said immediately.

James preceded her up the stairs and led her into a large airy bedroom where Pollyanna and
Jolyon’s beds were side by side, and as she looked down at them, sweet and defenceless in sleep,
Lizzie thought that his children had lots of love in their lives, they didn’t need hers.

Unaware of the direction of her thoughts, James said unwittingly, ‘Anna will be home soon, as I
told you, and they are both really excited as they’re very fond of her. For a long time she helped
look after them like the mother they’d never known, and I had to be careful who I employed to fill
the gap when she married Glenn and went to work in Africa.’

‘Fortunately Jess has been great and Helen looks after them like a doting grandma, so the separation
hasn’t upset them too much. Polly lives every moment as it comes, but Jolly is a different matter.
There is a depth to his thinking that amazes me and at the same time worries me. He needs stability
even more than Polly.

‘I sometimes feel that I’m the only thing in his life that he’s sure of and I should have done
something about it long ago, but as you’ve just so rightly said some people are hard to replace,
impossible in fact.’

She was one step ahead of him on that, Lizzie thought, by already being in the process of
discovering that it wasn’t quite so impossible as she’d previously thought. She wanted to reach out
and hold him close for comfort, but she lacked that sort of confidence and so instead said in a low
voice, ‘From what I can see, you’re doing a wonderful job of bringing up your children, James.
Don’t ever feel guilty about that.’

At that second Pollyanna stirred in her sleep and he whispered, ‘If Polly wakes up and finds you
here, she’ll be out of bed in a flash, so maybe we’d better go back down.’

She nodded reluctantly and he thought surely Lizzie could see that he was aware of the attraction
she had for the children and that she was equally drawn to them. But he wasn’t going along a road
that led to a mother for his children who wouldn’t love him too, and there were no signs of that so
far.

It was almost midnight and James wasn’t happy when Lizzie got up to go. ‘They’ll be coming out
of the pub about now,’ he said. ‘It can be a bit rowdy sometimes and I can’t leave the children to see
you safely home.’

They’d chatted about various things after he’d taken her up to see them, none of them personal after
their previous discussion. Then James had insisted that she stay for supper and the time had flown,
with Lizzie wistfully thinking that this was what she was short of, some congenial male company.
But she reminded herself that the solitary life had been her own choice in those days of pain and
grief and she’d never felt the need to regret it…until she’d met James.

‘I’ll be fine,’ she assured him. ‘It’s only a few minutes’ walk away.’

He shook his head. ‘That may be. But the fact remains that I invited you here and it’s up to me to
see that you’re safe.’

A lump came up in her throat at his concern and as tears pricked she fought them back lest she make
a spectacle of herself. The next moment she was observing him in amazement as he said, ‘Helen
always keeps the spare room ready in case of visitors. I would be happier if you stayed the night.’

Lizzie could actually feel her jaw dropping. ‘And what would I do for nightwear?’ she croaked.

‘I can find you a pair of my pyjamas. They’ll be a bit voluminous on you.’ Laughter was in the eyes
looking into hers as he added, ‘Better too big than too small, don’t you think?’

‘Err, yes, I suppose so,’ she agreed, ‘and, yes, I will stay if it puts your mind at rest.’ Now it was her
turn to be amused. ‘But what about your reputation if Helen finds me on the premises when she
turns up in the morning, or Jess when she comes to get the children ready for school?’


‘Their amazement will only be equalled by their relief.’
‘What do you mean by that?’
‘At finding me with a member of the opposite sex. I don’t know whether you are aware of the fact


but the whole village is trying to marry me off.’
‘Is that so? Well, I can assure you that I will be long gone before they arrive.’
‘OK. Whatever,’ he said easily. ‘But I will sleep more soundly knowing that you’re tucked up in the


spare room instead of walking home on your own.’


It was only half-true. He would feel happier, but he would also be very much aware that the only
woman he’d looked at twice for a long time was sleeping under his roof in a pair of his pyjamas.
When they were about to separate on the landing he said, ‘How long is it since you slept with


someone else in the house?’


She gave a rueful smile. ‘A long time. It will be a pleasant feeling knowing that I’m not alone, yet I
can’t complain as it has been my own choice.’
He nodded. ‘Sleep well, Lizzie.’ Turning, he went into his own room and closed the door firmly


behind him as if to say that was the last she would see of him until morning.



CHAPTER SIX

LIZZIE awoke the next morning to the sound of whispering, and when she opened her eyes
Pollyanna and Jolyon were beside the bed in their nightwear, eyes full of solemn curiosity.
As she smiled at them Jolyon asked, ‘Lizzie, why are you wearing Daddy’s pyjamas?’


‘They’re too big,’ Pollyanna pointed out.
‘Er, yes, they are a bit,’ she agreed. ‘Your daddy invited me to supper last night and it was late when
we’d finished, so he asked me to stay.’


‘And didn’t you have a nightie?’ Pollyanna questioned.
‘Not with me, no.’
‘You could have had one of Mummy’s.’
‘I don’t think your daddy would have liked that.’
While they’d been speaking Jolyon had wriggled under the bedclothes and was now snuggled


contentedly beside her. Patting the bed at the other side, Lizzie held out her arms to Pollyanna and


she didn’t hesitate.
At that moment James called, ‘Children, you are not to disturb Lizzie. It’s Monday morning and
Jess will soon be here. Breakfast is ready so, chop, chop, let’s be seeing you at the table.’


Having no response, he was coming up the stairs and as they heard him go into their room the


children snuggled out of sight under the bedclothes.
Seconds later he knocked on the door and Lizzie called, ‘Come in, James.’ When he appeared she
asked innocently, ‘Can’t you find them?’


She watched his mouth curve with amusement as he observed the small mounds on either side of
her, and wondered what it would be like to be kissed by him. For his part James was taking in the
vision of his unexpected guest with hair splaying across the pillow minus the plait and the rest of
her submerged in his pyjamas.


At that moment the children came whooping out from under the bedclothes with excited cries and
he thought that his wish was being granted. The four of them were going to start the day together,
but it seemed that the thought was premature as Lizzie was checking the time and saying, ‘I need to
get mobile or I’ll be late for the clinic.’


‘Surely you’ve time to have breakfast with us?’
She shook her head. It was a tempting offer, but she didn’t want to be there when Helen and Jess


arrived. She needed time to recover her sanity before her working day began, and to do that she
needed to be away from James for a while.
Other requirements were that she needed a shower and to get dressed in her uniform when she got


back to the cottage. If there was any time left after that she would have some breakfast.
James took the children downstairs and when she was ready to leave, Lizzie stopped in the doorway
of the kitchen where they were eating and said, ‘Thanks for your hospitality, James, which I would


like to return. Will you and the children have lunch with me at my place next Saturday, if you
haven’t got anything arranged?’
‘We don’t have anything arranged, do we, children?’ he asked the twins.
‘No!’ they cried enthusiastically.
Just as he’d known she would, Pollyanna asked, ‘Can I try your blue shoes on, Lizzie?’
‘Yes, of course you can,’ she replied, ‘and what would you like to do when you come to lunch,


Jolyon?’



‘I want to see Daisy the cow that you thought was a bull.’

‘I’m not so sure that Lizzie wants to be reminded of that,’ his father said reprovingly.

‘I can see that I’m not going to be allowed to forget it,’ she said good-humouredly, ‘but you can
certainly see Daisy if she’s anywhere around, Jolyon. For all we know it might be from her that we
get our milk.’ Her glance switched to James. ‘I really must go. I’ll see you later at the practice.’

He was at the worktop, pouring that same milk on to the children’s cereal, and when he looked up
there was regret in his eyes.

‘What?’ she asked.

‘Maybe we’ll have breakfast together another time.’

‘Er…yes, maybe we will,’ she said uncertainly, and wondered what the how, why and where of it
would be.

As she left Bracken House, Bryan Timmins was coming up the path with the daily delivery of milk
that he made to most of the houses in the village, and if he was surprised to see the new community
midwife leaving James Bartlett’s house at that time of day, he concealed it well and wished her a
civil good morning.

As Lizzie hurried homeward she thought that she should be thankful that it hadn’t been Helen or
Jess that she’d met back there. That really would have caused raised eyebrows, yet would it have
mattered? There wasn’t going to be anything between James and herself except mutual respect, and
on her part a growing affection for his children that he didn’t appear to have any problems with.

He frequently made it clear that he was a one-woman man and until she’d met him she’d felt the
same about Richard, but now she was starting to feel that it would be no betrayal of her love for her
husband if ever James looked her way.

They’d both known sorrow and had kept faith, but suddenly the ice around her heart was melting
because she’d met a country doctor who stood out like a star in a dark sky.

He’d said jokingly that the villagers would like to see him take a new wife, but it had been clear that
he had no serious intent on that score, and if he ever did have she couldn’t see him looking in the
direction of someone like herself.

From what she knew of him so far, James would want a wife who would love his children like a
mother. But first and foremost he needed someone who would love him as a wife, and when it came
to passion she’d only ever made love with Richard and that had been so long ago she’d almost
forgotten what sleeping with a man was like. Would her blood ever warm again with the heat that
came from desire? she wondered.

They arrived at the practice at the same time, not late but with no time to spare, greeted each other
briefly, then went their separate ways. And as Lizzie’s day got under way the steady arrival of
expectant mothers from Willowmere and the surrounding villages kept her too busy to think about
her own concerns.

‘Doesn’t this kind of job make you feel broody?’ Sarah asked when they stopped for lunch.

Lizzie’s expression was serene enough, but she admitted, ‘Yes, it does sometimes, but it also gives
me a great feeling of fulfilment when I’ve been there for the mother all through the pregnancy and
at the end am there to bring the child safely into the world.’

She knew that Sarah was engaged to be married quite soon and said, ‘I’ll be delighted to do the
same for you whenever the time comes.’

It had been said jokingly and Lizzie was surprised to see a warm tide of colour stain Sarah’s cheeks.
When she spoke the reason for it was there. ‘I think it might have come already,’ she confessed.
‘I’ve missed two months on the run.’


‘And have you done a pregnancy test?’

‘No. I don’t want to be pregnant before the wedding,’ she wailed. ‘Sam is in the army and when he
came on leave before being posted abroad for three months we got carried away on the night before
he left.’

‘So why not go to see Ben? He’s a famous paediatric surgeon. Not a gynaecologist, of course, but
would be a good guy to see if you feel embarrassed about consulting James.’

‘I’ve told James that I think I could be pregnant and he said if I want to consult him to pop into the
surgery, though I think I’d rather go to the chemist,’ Sarah said. ‘But the staff there have known me
since I was small and I don’t want it all over the village before I’ve told Sam.’

‘So better to see one of the doctors, then, as they are bound by patient confidentiality,’ Lizzie
soothed. ‘They’ll be on their rounds now, but pop into the surgery as soon as Ben or James, if you’d
prefer to see him, are back. It’s a pity that Georgina isn’t around. She would be the ideal one to
consult, but she’s occupied with her own baby at the moment and it could be a long time before she
wants to return to the life of the GP.’

The lunch-break was over, there were a couple of women in the waiting room so it was time to get
back. Sarah had to put her possible pregnancy out of her mind until one of the doctors came back
from his house calls.

When Sarah came back in the middle of the afternoon after going next door, her expression said it
all. There was a mixture of dismay and apprehension in it, but there was also a kind of dawning
wonder as she said, ‘I’ve seen Dr Allardyce. James had been called out to an emergency and wasn’t
there. Oh, Lizzie, I’m pregnant!‘

‘So what do you think your fiance and your parents will say when you tell them?’ Lizzie asked.

‘Sam will be thrilled. We’d planned the wedding for as soon as he comes on leave once his three
months out there are up, and by then I’ll be three and a half months pregnant. As for my mum and
dad, they’ll be a bit stunned at first but as long as I’m happy about it they won’t mind. They
understand how hard it is for Sam and I to be apart for so long.’

‘And are you?’

‘Happy? I will be when I’ve got used to the idea.’

Lizzie was smiling. ‘So shall I book you into the clinic?’

‘Yes, please,’ was the reply, and Sarah went back to her duties with a dazed expression on her face.

‘I haven’t experienced any morning sickness so far,’ she announced when there was a lull between
patients in the late afternoon. ‘Do you think I will, Lizzie?’

‘You might not,’ she replied. ‘Though you’ll be lucky if you don’t, but not all pregnant women have
to endure it.’

Sarah had gone dashing off home to phone Sam and to tell her parents her news, and Lizzie was on
the point of locking up the clinic for the night when James appeared. It was the first time they’d
seen each other since arriving that morning, and her spirits lifted.

When she’d gone to the surgery kitchen in the lunch-hour to make a snack he’d been out on his
house calls and must have been busy since then as she’d seen nothing of him until now.

She wasn’t to know that after the time they’d spent together over the weekend he was feeling the
need to be near her again, to see her, speak to her, but not to touch as that could trigger off events
that might be regretted in the cold light of common sense.

‘So how has your day been?’ Lizzie asked, taking in every detail of the tall figure in the smart suit,
with the direct blue gaze and kissable mouth. Their glances met, his questioning, hers warm, and


she hoped he didn’t think she only wanted to know him because of his children. In other words, that
she saw him as a means to an end. The idea was almost laughable. Wasn’t the usual ploy getting to
know the children to get to the father?

In truth she was just allowing her starved heart a little ease in the company of all three of them,
father, son and daughter, that was all. Yet in that moment in the deserted clinic it was only the two
of them that mattered, and Lizzie knew that no matter what she said to herself she was on the point
of falling for a man who had kept faith for nearly six years since losing his wife. But was he likely
to turn to her if he was ready for a new beginning? As her doubts resurfaced, she thought not.

‘My day has been a busy one as always,’ he said easily in reply to the question. ‘Otherwise I might
have come across sooner.’

‘Did you want me for something?’ she asked awkwardly, and he wondered what she would say if he
told her that he’d come because he hadn’t seen her since the start of their working day and he’d
needed to get another glimpse of her before she left for home.

He couldn’t believe what was happening to him. The honey-haired midwife with eyes the colour of
violets had originally impressed him with her expertise and devotion to the job, but now she was
getting to him in a different way and the last thing he wanted was to be out of control of his
feelings.

He was sorry for her, deeply so. To lose a husband and an unborn child at the same time was a
ghastly thing to have to live with, and from what he’d seen of Lizzie so far it seemed as if it had
turned her spirit inwards because she’d had no one to turn to.

He had been fortunate in that respect as friends and family, in the form of Anna, had rallied around
him unstintingly and now here he was, nearly six years on and becoming alive again.

She was waiting for a reply to the question and on the spur of the moment he said, ‘Helen lives at
Bracken House during the week so once Polly and Jolly are asleep I’m free to go out if I want to,
and I wondered if you would like to go for a stroll by the lake later this evening, and maybe when
the light has gone we could have a drink in The Pheasant or a coffee at the Hollyhocks?’

‘Oh, well, yes, that would be nice,’ she replied, trying to conceal her surprise. ‘What time would
you want me to be ready?’

‘I’ll call for you at half past seven if that’s all right. It should give us an hour or so of daylight
before night falls.’ Turning towards the connecting door that separated the clinic from the surgery,
he said with sudden brevity, ‘Bye for now, Lizzie,’ and returned to his own part of the premises.

James was already regretting the idea, she thought when he’d gone, and she wasn’t so sure it was a
good thought either, yet she knew she would be ready and waiting for his ring on the doorbell when
half past seven came.

He was late and when she opened the door to him his first words were in the form of an
explanation. ‘I never leave the house until the children are asleep and they were ages in settling
down tonight,’ he said apologetically. ‘Since learning to read they do the bedtime-story bit and I
listen, and the one that Jolly had chosen went on for ever, but they caved in at last and are now in
dreamland.’

‘You don’t have to explain,’ she told him gently, her doubts about the wisdom of them being alone
together forgotten. ‘In any loving family the children must come first by the very fact of them being
young and defenceless. Don’t ever feel you have to apologise for loving your children, James.’

There was wistfulness in her voice and it made him want to take hold of her and soothe away the
pain, but he wasn’t going to. He could tell that Lizzie wasn’t sure about them spending the evening
together, let alone cuddling up to each other, be it innocent or otherwise.

An autumn sun was getting ready to set by the time they reached the lake and as the house that


David had renovated to its former splendour came into view James broke the silence that had fallen
between them by saying, ‘The newlyweds will be back with us on Monday so we’ll be fully staffed
at the surgery once more, which will leave Ben free to pursue his own interests if he wishes.’

Lizzie was only half listening. On the day of the wedding she’d been too wrapped up in the bride
and bridegroom to take too much note of the house, but now she was gazing entranced at the
elegant dwelling that David had resurrected from local stone and carried the name of Water
Meetings House.

James was following her glance and said, ‘The reason David rebuilt this place was because it had
been the childhood home of his mother who had died when he was very young. He had never seen
it until he came to live in Willowmere. Just a little further along the road is the place where the two
rivers that flow through the village meet, hence the name Water Meetings House.’

‘I think I might buy a property when I’ve adjusted to the new job and new surroundings,’ she told
him. ‘I’ve been like a piece of flotsam with no fixed abode for the last few years and I’m beginning
to feel it is time I put down some roots. I’m committed to renting the cottage for at least six months,
but it can take that long for a house sale to go through, so that would be no problem.’

‘No, indeed,’ he agreed absently.

She observed him questioningly, but it seemed as if he had no further comment to make so she
concluded that her future plans were of no interest to him, and that she was being a little too hasty
in thinking that his suggestion they spend the evening together was for any reason other than his
desire to be hospitable.

She might have thought differently if she’d known that the reason for his reticence was because
he’d been imagining her making Bracken House her permanent home and had been staggered at the
way his thought processes were working.

But as she didn’t, she turned the conversation into safer channels by asking if he knew that Sarah
had seen Ben that afternoon and he’d confirmed that she was pregnant.

‘Yes,’ he said. ‘I saw her as she was leaving and she told me about the baby.’ He was smiling.
‘Young Sarah couldn’t be in a better place to be pregnant. I’m told that there will soon be a wedding
coming from that direction which will please Edwina Crabtree and her company of bellringers who
officiate at all weddings and funerals in Willowmere.’

They were back in the village and he said, ‘So what is it to be, the pub or the tea rooms…or your
place?’

He was sounding her out, she thought. Wary that she might have her eye on the vacant slot in his
life. She told him coolly, ‘I can’t see the Hollyhocks being open at this hour, so perhaps just one
drink at The Pheasant and then I’ll say goodnight, if you don’t mind.’ She didn’t mention her
cottage.

‘No, not at all.’And where her tone had been cool his was easy as if he wasn’t bothered either way.

They had one drink with little to say to each other and James was about to leave her at the gate of
the cottage. This was unreal, Lizzie thought as they faced each other in the autumn twilight.

She didn’t want him to go, yet neither did she want him to stay, because if he did it would be the
beginning of something she couldn’t control, and afterwards she would be floundering in all the
things she’d avoided so far, such as uncertainty, hope, dismay, all brought about by giving in to the
sexual chemistry that was keeping her rooted to the spot instead of bidding him a swift goodnight
and hotfooting it inside.

She was about to discover she needn’t have got herself in a state. James was turning, ready to go,
and saying, ‘Some time, if you like the idea, I’ll take you along the river bank to where an old
water-mill has been turned into a restaurant. That’s if you’re keen to get to know these parts.’


‘Yes, of course I am,’ she told him, and asked James if he was offering to play the tour guide out of
politeness rather than anything else. ‘Why don’t we go there next Saturday with Pollyanna and
Jolyon after she has tried on the blue shoes and he has seen where Daisy the cow grazes. It would
be more interesting for them than having lunch here, with the rooms being so small.’

‘Mmm, we could do that if you like,’ he said in the same easy manner, as he took in the message she
was giving out. It was clear that Lizzie didn’t want to be on her own with him. She’d been edgy all
the time they’d been together tonight. Was she afraid that his honourable widower reputation was a
front for a guy who didn’t miss the chance of a no-strings-attached romp with an available member
of the opposite sex when it presented itself?

Thinking that she could at least have invited him in for a drink after giving up his evening for her,
she said lamely, ‘You could come in for a coffee, James.’

‘Thanks, but I need to be off,’ he said in a tone that was empty of expression. ‘Although Helen is at
Bracken House she doesn’t like to be kept up too late. I’ll see you in the morning, Lizzie. Bye for
now.’ Then he was gone, striding past the colourful peace garden on his way back to the life that she
was envious of in spite of herself.

What had happened? James was thinking. She’d been so cool and reserved and clearly hadn’t
wanted to invite him in for coffee, though it had fitted in with the rest of her reluctance to be alone
with him.

Yet when there’d been just the two of them in the clinic at the end of the day he hadn’t been aware
of anything like that. There had been a strong feeling of mutual attraction, and if he’d stayed any
longer something would have developed between them. But it hadn’t been there during the evening
and now he was deciding that it must have been wishful thinking on his part.

Olivia Derringham arrived the next morning with some good news that Lizzie was grateful for, after
spending most of the night lying awake and wishing she’d acted less like a nervous virgin while
she’d been with James. She’d fallen into a restless sleep eventually and had woken up to grey skies
and a heavy downpour.

‘My husband is meeting the leaders of the primary care trust that controls St Gabriel’s next week
with regard to a birthing pool,’ Olivia said. ‘The discussion will be about how much will it cost and
how important it is in comparison to other much-needed medical facilities.

‘He is going to offer to pay half the cost and that should help to bring about a favourable decision,
but he thinks, and so do I, that the trust will want to wait a while to see first how well the clinic
works, which could mean some delay. So how does the idea strike you, Lizzie?’

‘I think the fact that it is even going to be considered is incredible, and that His Lordship is very
generous indeed to offer to help with the funding of it,’ she said joyfully. ‘I can’t wait to tell James!’

‘Go and do so now,’ Helen said. She glanced at Sarah, who had been looking pensive ever since
arriving. ‘We’ll hold the fort for a while, won’t we, Sarah?’

‘Mmm, I suppose so,’ she said listlessly, and on the point of going through to the surgery Lizzie
stopped.

‘What’s wrong?’ she asked. ‘Have you told Sam and your parents you’re pregnant?’

‘Mum and Dad know and they don’t have any problem with it, but it’s going to be days before I can
get in touch with Sam as his troop is out of reach on manoeuvres and likely to be so for some time.’

‘Oh, that’s a shame,’ she sympathised, ‘just when you’re bursting to tell him your exciting news. He
might ring you, have you thought of that? And you will be able to tell him then, Sarah. Keep your
fingers crossed that he will.’ Hoping she had offered the young receptionist a little crumb of
comfort, she went to find James.

When she appeared in the doorway of his consulting room he observed her in surprise. Gone was


the reticent woman of the night before. Her eyes were shining, mouth soft with pleasure, and he
wondered what had caused such radiance. He’d like to bet it wasn’t the sight of him behind the
desk.

‘Lord Derringham is going to approach the hospital trust about a birthing pool,’ she told him
jubilantly. ‘Isn’t it wonderful?’

‘It must be if it can make you look like that,’ he said dryly, and watched her delight dwindle.

‘What do you mean?’ she asked stiffly. ‘How would you expect me to look on being told something
like that?’

‘Exactly as you did a moment ago,’ he replied coolly, the feeling strong inside him that Lizzie didn’t
need a man in her life, she was in love with the job. Which was great, he supposed, and he had no
reason to be jealous about that.

But with the feeling of futility that the previous night had left him with he persisted with his
downbeat approach to what she’d just told him and said, ‘It is good news, but if you remember
when the subject came up before, I said we had to learn to walk before we could run.

‘It is early days to be thinking of something on that scale, we, and you in particular, have to prove
ourselves. The clinic has only been open a couple of weeks and though I have every confidence in
you, Lizzie, I’m sure the trust will feel as I do that we need to wait a while.’

‘I do realise that,’ she said stiffly, ‘and so do the Derringhams, but I did at least expect some
enthusiasm from you on hearing that it is a possibility. I won’t keep you any longer.’ And turning on
her heel, she left him to his thoughts. They were not happy ones.

What on earth had possessed him to be such a wet blanket? he wondered sombrely. He was as keen
on the idea as Lizzie was, probably even more so as he’d long wanted an improvement in
Willowmere’s maternity services.

But seeing her all lit up about the birthing pool, which would cost an arm and a leg if the idea ever
got off the ground, had made him question what it would take for him to make her look like that,
and he’d been snappy instead of supportive.

He had a patient waiting so couldn’t follow her to apologise, but the first chance he got he was
going to say he was sorry. What reason he would give for his abrupt manner he didn’t know, as he
was in no position to tell her the truth in the face of her attitude the night before.

When Lizzie returned to the clinic Olivia asked, ‘Well? Was he pleased?’

‘I’m not sure,’ Lizzie told her with the chill of his manner still on her. ‘He seemed preoccupied and
also was at great pains to point out that we need to prove our worth first.’

‘And what did you say to that?’ Olivia enquired.

‘That we all know that.’

‘James is a great guy and just as keen as any of us to give pregnant women the best service possible.
You must have caught him at an awkward moment. He’ll be right as rain tomorrow, Lizzie, you’ll
see.’

‘I hope so,’ she replied.

It mattered a lot that all should be open between them, and if she’d done something wrong she
wanted to put it right. He’d made a quick departure the night before when she’d wriggled out of
having him and the children for lunch at the cottage and had suggested that she take them to the
restaurant that he’d mentioned beside the water-mill instead.

Maybe that was what had made him so unlike the delightful man she could so easily let herself fall
in love with, and that was the crux of the matter. She was out of practice when it came to


romance…and family matters, never having had a proper family of her own. She thought wistfully
how Pollyanna and Jolyon were completely at ease with her and she with them. If only she could be
like that with their father…


CHAPTER SEVEN


LIZZIE was called out to an imminent birth in the lunch-hour, leaving one of the practice nurses in
charge of the clinic, and as she drove to the market garden on the edge of the village where the
Dawson family lived she was hoping that this time it would be a son for Will Dawson and his wife,
Melanie.

They already had three daughters and the pregnant mum had told her that if this one wasn’t a boy
they were giving up. Lizzie had delivered each of the girls for Melanie when she’d been based at St
Gabriel’s, but on this occasion she was only a short distance away when it was time for the birth…

Melanie was strong and healthy and one of those fortunate women who seemed to find childbirth
easy, which was often due to the mother’s pelvic measurements, and if everything went to plan she
would be up and running soon after the delivery. Putting the washer on and making a meal as if
bringing a newborn into the world was all in a day’s work.

Sadly, as Lizzie knew from experience, it wasn’t like that with every pregnant woman, and a recent
case came to mind where what she’d been expecting to be a straightforward delivery had turned into
a nightmare of unexpected haemorrhaging immediately after the birth and had nearly been fatal for
the mother.

Fortunately the skill of a surgeon had saved her and Lizzie had seen her recently, looking fit and
well with a bonny baby in her arms, but it had been a reminder that there was always the chance of
something unforeseen happening in the process of giving birth.

There had been no sign of James as she’d driven off the forecourt of the practice and his car hadn’t
been there, so she concluded that he was either out on his home visits or having lunch elsewhere,
and again she wondered why he’d been so downbeat when she’d mentioned the birthing pool.

Whatever the reason, it had shown her that they were not on each other’s wavelengths as much as
she’d thought they were, but maybe it was for the best. How often had she told herself that no
relationships meant no heartache, and so far it had proved to be true. But that had been before she’d
met a country doctor who was every woman’s dream man.

It was the same as before when she got to the Dawsons’ house. A fast, straightforward delivery for
Melanie, but as Lizzie placed the newborn into its mother’s arms there was one difference. It was a
boy and from the expression on his parents’ faces they were delighted that their family was now
complete.

‘I don’t need to initiate you into the dos and don’ts of breastfeeding, do I, Melanie?’ she said with a
smile for the radiant mother when she was ready to depart. ‘But I’ll be calling each day for a while
to make sure all is well.’ And off she went, accepting once again that the ache that was mixed with
the pleasure of every birth she was involved with was not going to go away.

The afternoon was well gone when Lizzie arrived back at the clinic, and as soon as she presented
herself Sarah said, ‘Dr Bartlett was called away earlier. His little boy had a nasty fall in the school
playground at lunchtime and he’s taken him to St Gabriel’s for tests as his head hit the concrete
really hard when he fell. He rang a few moments ago to ask if you were back and when I said you
weren’t he left his mobile number because he wants a quick word about Jolyon.’

‘Oh…right,’ she replied, dismayed that Jolyon had been hurt but surprised that James wanted to
speak to her about it when there was Jess and Helen who would be just as upset about the accident
as she was.

She rang him straight away and when he answered he said, ‘Can I ask a favour, Lizzie, after being
such a pain this morning?’

Yes, of course you can,’ she replied levelly, ‘and I am so sorry to hear about Jolyon being hurt.’

‘Yes, indeed,’ he said tightly. ‘He’s being checked out at the moment. There’s a large, soft swelling


on the side of his head and one always thinks of a haematoma in such circumstances.

‘The favour I’m asking of you is this. They are going to keep Jolly in for observation even if the
scan shows no bleeding, as it was some fall he had…and he’s crying for you.’

‘Me?’ she questioned blankly.

‘It’s all about that damned cow. He thinks he’s going to miss seeing it if he’s still in hospital, and
won’t be consoled until you are around to reassure him that Daisy will still be there when he comes
home…and that so will you, Lizzie. He’s fretting about that too. For some reason you have hit the
right note with Jolly. I can tell that he’s taken to you, that he feels secure around you, which,
knowing him, is surprising in so short a time. You’ll have to tell me where your magic comes from
as sometimes even I don’t understand him.’

‘You are fantastic with both your children, James,’ she told him softly. ‘I’ll come straight away. I’ve
just been involved in a delivery for Melanie Dawson and have no one else booked in until morning,
so I’ll be with you soon. I take it that you’re still in A and E.’

‘You take it right,’ he said wryly, ‘and don’t drive too fast. I’ll tell him that you’re on your way with
a message from Daisy.’

Lizzie didn’t drive too fast, neither did she drive slowly. There was a warm feeling inside her
because James and Jolyon needed her, though she would have wished the circumstances of it to be
different. Maybe one day the resilient Pollyanna would also need her, but sufficient unto the day
was the wonder thereof.

When she drew back the curtains of a cubicle in A and E, Jolyon was lying on the bed, pale and
tear-stained with a large swelling on the side of his head. James was holding his hand and talking to
him gently, and when he saw her he said, ‘Here’s Lizzie come to see you, Jolly.’

‘Hello, there, wounded soldier,’ she said lightly. ‘I’ve come with a message from Daisy. She says
“Moo” and she’ll be waiting for you at my back fence when you come home.’

His face broke into a watery smile and she went to sit at the opposite side of the bed and held his
other hand. ‘So how is everything?’ she asked guardedly of James, who was grey-faced with
anxiety.

‘We are waiting to go down to Theatre. Need I say more? he said bleakly, and Lizzie’s heart sank.

‘So it’s as you thought it might be?’ she said in a low voice.

‘Yes, that’s the score. I’ve just spoken to Ben and he’s offered to assist during the operation, and
needless to say the neurosurgeon was happy to have someone of his calibre on his team. He’s on his
way, and with time being of the essence said he’ll go straight to Theatre when he gets here.

‘Ben lost a child in an accident. His little boy was drowned in a fast-flowing river, so no one knows
the agony of losing a child better than he does, and that is not forgetting that you’ve been through
that vale of tears yourself.’

She didn’t reply, just nodded and thought that, yes, she had, but to lose a child that had lived and
breathed and had its own special place in one’s life must be sorrow beyond compare.

‘You aren’t going to lose Jolyon,’ she said, longing to hold him close and soothe away his fears.
‘They will give him back to you safe and sound, you’ll see.’

He didn’t reply to that, just nodded sombrely and said, ‘They’re going to have to manage without
me at the surgery for the foreseeable future. Fortunately David and Laurel will be back on the job
on Monday.’ His voice broke and he turned away so that Jolyon wouldn’t see his distress.

‘I’ll stay for as long as you need me,’ she told him, still wanting to hold him close, but not knowing
what his reaction would be if she did.


He raised his head and their glances met. ‘Thanks, Lizzie. It would be great if we are both there
when Jolly comes out of the anaesthetic.’

‘And we will be,’ she assured him.

They walked beside the trolley as the porter wheeled Jolyon down to Theatre, and Lizzie could
visualise how much it cost James to step back at the door and hand Jolyon over to those who were
waiting there. But he had no choice and as they made their way to a nearby coffee lounge provided
for anxious relatives she said, ‘Is Helen looking after Pollyanna?’

He nodded sombrely. ‘Yes.’

‘And what about Jess?’

‘She wasn’t there when it happened. Jess is getting married soon and has taken the afternoon off to
go and be fitted for her wedding dress. She won’t know anything about the accident yet.’

‘So are you going to lose her?’

‘Maybe. It all depends if she wants to continue. I imagine she will as they’ll need the money like
any young couple starting their married life. Her fiance is the son at one of the farms in
Willowmere, but there was talk of him wanting to emigrate at one time. So we’ll just have to wait
and see.’ Now his tone was grim. ‘The same as we’re having to do with Jolyon.’

He sounded so bleak, and before she threw caution to the winds and did take him in her arms Lizzie
said, ‘I’ll get us a coffee. Would you like a sandwich with it?’

‘Whatever,’ he said absently. ‘I feel as if it would choke me but I suppose it’s the sensible thing to
do.’

A nurse appeared beside them at that moment and said with a reassuring smile, ‘Just to let you
know that Dr Allardyce has arrived and the operation is already under way, Dr Bartlett.’

‘Thank you, Nurse,’ he said flatly. ‘I don’t suppose you can give us any idea how long it’s going to
take?’

‘I’m afraid not,’ she told him, ‘but as I am sure you are aware, the usual procedure for a bleed of
this kind is to drain the surplus blood from the skull as quickly as possible before any brain damage
or other dangerous conditions arise, and once that has been done the patient usually makes a quick
recovery.’

With a sympathetic glance in Lizzie’s direction she said, ‘I’m sure that you’ll soon have your little
one back with you safely sorted, Mrs Bartlett.’

Lizzie could feeling her colour rising at the other woman’s mistake and was about to explain, but
James was there before her. ‘Lizzie is a colleague at the practice in Willowmere,’ he told the nurse
and it was at that moment Lizzie knew for certain that she wanted to be more than that to him, much
more. But the speed with which James had explained their situation to the nurse made it very clear
that he wanted no such misapprehensions to be made about them.

Jolyon was in the children’s high dependency unit and had just surfaced from the anaesthetic. When
he looked up drowsily and saw them standing side by side, looking down at him, he smiled and
asked, ‘Am I better now, Daddy?’

‘Nearly,’ James told him. ‘You have to stay here for a little while and then you can go home, Jolly.’

‘There was a bleed,’ Ben had told them after the surgery, ‘but not as severe as we’d expected. It’s
been drained. Jolyon will be a bit fragile for a few weeks so keep your eye on him, James, but apart
from that he should be fine. He’s come out of it very well and I’m delighted for you.’

‘I owe you for this,’ James told him huskily, and he shook his head.

‘No! Not at all. I wasn’t the only one in there.’


Ben glanced across to his neurosurgical colleague, who was asking Lizzie curiously, ‘So how do
you happen to be involved in all this, Lizzie? Have you left us?’

She was sparkling up at him, joyful at the successful result of the operation, and watching her James
thought enviously that if she was as relaxed and happy in his company then he might have
something to sparkle about.

After those few moments with Jolyon they were asked to let him rest, and as they prepared to go
back to where they’d been waiting they saw Jess and Helen, holding Pollyanna tightly by the hand,
coming towards them anxiously.

Lizzie stood to one side as James swooped his daughter up into his arms and smothered her with
kisses, and then explained the events of the afternoon and evening. As everyone was talking at once
she slipped away and once in the corridor moved swiftly towards the car park.

The feeling of being just an onlooker had been strong back there, she was thinking as she set off for
home. James and Jolyon would be all right now they had Pollyanna and Jess and Helen with them.
The two women had known his children a lot longer than she had and had earned right of place by
their sides.

Ben had been getting into his car when she reached the car park and he said with a smile, ‘You can
head off for home with an easy mind, Lizzie. Jolyon is going to be all right. There was a time when
it hurt like hell, using my skills for a sick or injured child when I’d never got the chance to save my
own, but since Arran was born all the bitterness has gone.’

‘I lost a child that I was carrying in an accident,’ she told him, ‘and have the same feeling
sometimes when I’ve delivered a mother of her newborn.’

‘Ah! So that’s the reason for the bruised look that you sometimes have. You may not know it yet,
but your work has brought you to a place of healing. I’m not referring to the village practice, I mean
Willowmere itself. Give it time, Lizzie, and you will see.

‘It has a tranquillity all of its own without being a dead end. It is where Georgina came to heal her
broken heart when we lost Jamie and I was impossible to live with, and now that I’m here I’m just
as enchanted with it as she is. So don’t despair. One day you’ll know it is where you’re meant to
be.’

‘I’ll try and remember that, Ben,’ she said, dredging up a smile.

As they went to their separate cars and followed each other out of the hospital car park Lizzie
thought that it all sounded so easy put like that, but Ben was not aware that any healing of her sore
heart might be a long time coming and she might wish one day that she’d never moved to
Willowmere.

When James realised that she’d gone he was aghast…and hurt. Lizzie had been his rock during
what had seemed an endless time of waiting, and she’d kept her promise to be there for Jolly when
he woke up. So now had she decided that, having done that, she’d done the favour he’d asked of
her?

Jolly needed her, and so did he, but it seemed that now Jess and Helen were on the scene, and she’d
glimpsed that Pollyanna was all right, she’d gone home to do her own thing without a word of
farewell.

She’d reverted back to her other self, he thought, and the caring compassionate woman who was
bringing back to mind the long-forgotten joys and blessings of a good marriage had gone back into
her shell.

After Jess and Helen had seen Jolyon, and Pollyanna had observed her brother, wide-eyed and
tongue-tied for once, James took her and Helen home, leaving Jess to sit with Jolyon until he
returned after putting his bewildered daughter to bed.


‘Is Jolly going to die, Daddy?’ she asked, gazing up at him as he tucked her in.
‘No, Polly,’ he said gently. ‘He’s going to be fine.’
‘But we won’t be able to go to Lizzie’s on Saturday, will we?’
‘No, maybe not, but there’ll always be another time,’ he said soothingly, with grave doubts about


the likelihood of it.
Lizzie had given him the message stark and clear and it said, Don’t take me too much for granted.
As he was about to leave the bedroom Pollyanna burst into tears at the sight of Jolyon’s empty bed


so he picked her up in his arms and carried her into his own room and tucked her into his bed.
Within minutes her eyelids were drooping and as he stood looking down at her he thought about
how well the children seemed to respond to gentle, motherly Lizzie.