Abigail Strom - Winning the Right Brother p.03

He let his grin show then, but almost immediately it began to fade as he traced the side of her face with the palm of his hand.

“I don’t think there are words,” he said, and his voice was serious. “I’ve dreamed about what it would be like with you, and even my wildest fantasies fell short. I’ve never experienced anything even close to that with anyone else. You…” He paused and then smiled again. “I thought you were a good girl,” he teased gently.

“So did I,” she retorted, smiling back at him. “And I am, normally. You bring these things out in me.”

Like lightning he rolled her over, pinning her beneath him. “I hope I do,” he said, looking down at her, loving the way her cheeks flushed and her eyes widened and her breath started to come in little gasps. “I look at you when you’re trying to be all prim and proper and I have to get under your skin. It’s a compulsion.”

“An extremely childish compulsion,” she said, trying to speak sternly. “Also, you agreed we would not be having sex again tonight.”

“Who’s having sex?” he said innocently. He lowered himself enough so she could feel his erection between her thighs. “I’m just lying here.”

“Well, cut it out,” she said, pushing at his chest, and he moved away immediately, lying back down on his side to face her.

“Sorry,” he said ruefully. “It really is hard for me not to get carried away around you.”

She laid a palm against his chest. “I need a little time before that happens again,” she said, and her voice was almost pleading. “Maybe it’s hard for you to understand, but I need a chance to…to process. That’s just how I am. Take it or leave it.”

“I’ll take it,” he said immediately, knowing it wasn’t the offer he was looking for but willing to wait. Then he held out his arms.

She hesitated a moment and then scooted over so she was nestled against him, and he wrapped his arms around her as if she belonged there.

Which she did,Alex thought as he reached across her to turn out the light.

Now all he had to do was convince Holly of that.




Chapter Nine

It was morning. Holly knew this because she could feel warm sunlight against her eyelids.

She knew something else, too. It was hovering just out of reach, some fact of immense significance, something with consequences.

She opened her eyes and saw Alex lying on his side, facing her, a foot of space between them. The blankets covered him to the waist but he was unmistakably naked. He was also awake.

“Hi,” he said, smiling. In the morning light the crinkles at the corners of his eyes were easily visible, and his irises were the color of the sky.

“Oh, my God,” Holly said in dawning horror. She sat bolt upright in bed, but that reminded her of the fact that she, too, was naked. She snatched at the top quilt to cover herself.

Alex continued to lie beside her, one arm pillowed under his head. “You know, that’s really a pointless gesture. I’ve been watching you sleep for an hour. I know what you look like naked.”

Holly gave him a look as she slid out of bed, taking the quilt with her. “I’m sure you do,” she said with dignity.

Alex looked at her in exasperation. “You can’t seriously—” He stopped himself, shaking his head. “No, I’m not going to bother.” He sighed and rolled onto his back. “It’s my fault, really,” he said to the ceiling. “I was the one who said we should save it till the morning.”

“Save what?” she asked suspiciously.

“This. The big dramatic scene where you hit the ground running and we forget this ever happened.” He turned his head to face her. “Only this time I’m not playing. I’m not going to lie or pretend, just to make things easier for you. I want us to be together, Holly. I want to see where this is going. If you don’t want that, fine. But I’d at least like to know why. I’ll respect any decision you make. I just want to understand why you’re making it.”

Holly replayed Alex’s words in her head, trying to focus.

“That’s fair,” she said after a moment. “That’s certainly fair.” She knew she sounded like a lawyer negotiating a settlement, but she couldn’t help that. She was torn right now between acute embarrassment and the desire to go back to that bed and beg Alex to make love to her again. Her thought processes were not at their best. She took a breath and spoke again. “I just want you to know…I’m not running away. Not necessarily, anyway. I just—”

“Need some time to think,” Alex finished for her, clasping his hands behind his head.

“Yes. I do.” She bit her lip as she looked at him, his bare torso unbelievably gorgeous in the golden sunlight that streaked across the bed, a blanket draped across his hips and just barely covering his…

She put a cool hand to her hot cheek. “Cold shower,” she said. “For me. Now. Then I’m going to the gym to work off some tension.”

He grinned evilly. “There are other ways to—”

She held up a palm. “Don’t bother finishing that sentence. I plan to carefully consider all the ramifications of our current situation without having my brain muddled by you.”

“Do you always approach your romantic relations like investment planning?”

She continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “After I shower, during which time you will go back to your own room, I am getting dressed and going to the gym. Then I’m going out to lunch, somewhere far from you and your body, which is screwing up my mental processes.”

“Who told you your mental processes were that hot to begin with?” he asked, grinning.

Holly chose to ignore him as she headed resolutely for the bathroom, her quilt trailing behind her like the robes of an empress. She could hear Alex chuckling from across the room until she slammed the bathroom door shut behind her.

 

Holly had never worked out so hard in her life. Her inner turmoil translated into raw adrenaline, and she went through her usual circuit with single-minded intensity. When she finished with the Nautilus machines and went over to the stationary bicycles, she was surprised to find Gina on one, pedaling away as if her life depended on it. Holly put a hand on her shoulder and she jumped.

“Holly! Don’t sneak up on me like that.”

“Gina, what in the world are you doing here? Aren’t you flying to Vegas tonight to get married?”

“Well, yes,” Gina acknowledged, wiping the back of her neck with a towel. “That’s why I’m here.”

Holly frowned at her friend. “I’m not following you.”

Gina sighed. “I’m scared out of my mind. The only thing that makes me feel better is this, so here I am. It’s almost a shame the wedding’s tomorrow morning. I’m on my way to having the thighs of Lance Armstrong. I could enter the Tour de France.”

Holly pulled her off the bike and marched her over to the juice bar. Sitting Gina firmly down on one of the stools, she ordered two Energy Smoothies and sat down herself.

“Okay, start talking,” she said sternly. “What are you afraid of? You’re crazy about Henry. You guys are perfect together. You can’t wait to marry him.”

“True. All true.”

“Well, then. What are you scared of?”

Gina rested her elbows on the counter and put her chin in her hands. “Everything. Nothing. Just the idea of being married, I guess.”

“You’re not going to…” She let it trail off, not certain exactly what she thought Gina might do.

Gina kept her chin in her hands but turned to look at her friend. “Run away? Leave him at the altar? No way. I love Henry, and, anyway, I don’t let my fears make my decisions for me.”

Holly winced at that, remembering what Alex had said to her last night. “Well, good,” she said. “But I still don’t get what you’re afraid of. I would have thought you’d be, I don’t know, radiant.”

Gina looked at her in disbelief. “You’ve never heard of wedding jitters? If I’m feeling this freaked out, I can’t even imagine what Henry’s going through. His best man is probably talking him down from the ceiling.”

Holly thought about it. “I guess I thought wedding jitters are for when you have doubts. And it doesn’t sound like you have doubts.”

Gina shook her head, exasperated. “I don’t have doubts. I love Henry. That’s what’s so scary. Haven’t you ever felt something for a man that knocked you on your butt and scared the pants off you?”

“Yes,” Holly answered miserably, causing Gina to jerk upright and almost knock her smoothie onto the floor.

“What! You have not. That was a rhetorical question. I’ve never seen you messed up over a guy. Who is he? Details, Holly. It’s your duty to distract me from my gut-twisting turmoil by telling me about yours.”

Holly played with her straw. “It’s Alex,” she said reluctantly.

She stared at Holly in delighted amazement. “Your son’s coach, right? The guy you’re staying with now? The guy who carried you out of the Bengal Bar?”

“That would be him.”

Gina sat back in satisfaction. “I am really, really going to enjoy this. Tell me all.”

Holly started to brush it off, to change the subject like she usually did when her personal life came up. But then she remembered last night, and closed her eyes, and realized that this time, for once, she really did need to talk to someone.

“You remember him, right? From the bar? He’s got this body…”

“Believe me, I remember. I wanted to start at his toes and nibble my way up.”

“Well, living in the same house with him has not been easy. It was really only Will’s being there that kept me sane. And when he went away this weekend—”

“Will took off? Left you and Alex alone together?”

“Yes.”

Gina smiled. “Smart kid.”

Holly’s eyes widened. “You don’t think—oh, my God, you don’t think he did that on purpose? Trying to push us together or something?”

“I hope so. I’ve always had a lot of respect for Will’s brains.”

Holly shook her head quickly. “No. I’m sure Will wouldn’t do that. But the fact is, the very first night we were alone together…”

Gina leaned forward, eyes sparkling. “Take your time with the play-by-play here.”

Holly sighed. “It was incredible. We were coming in from the rainstorm—you remember how it poured last night. And we—we barely made it inside. We had sex in the front hallway. On the floor.”

Gina blinked. “Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“Well, this is a side of you we need to encourage. Good for Alex.”

“You have no idea. I never felt anything that intense before. It was…” Her hands moved in the air as she searched for words.

Gina nodded. “You’ve gone nonverbal, which can be translated as off-the-scale fantastic. But this is good, right? I don’t understand where the angst comes in.”

Holly slumped. “The sex was great, and the friendship part is great, too, but I don’t think Alex is boyfriend material.”

Gina looked at her in disgust. “What iswrong with you? Who cares if he’s boyfriend material? Just enjoy yourself, Holly. Have some fun. You’ve earned it. You’ve spent fifteen years being responsible and competent and a mom and a financial planner. Why don’t you enjoy being a woman for a change?”

The thought was so tempting Holly had a sip of smoothie to settle the butterflies in her stomach. “I can’t do that,” she said finally.

Gina threw up her hands. “Give me one good reason.”

“Will.”

“Right. Will. Tell me, Holly, how do you think Will would feel if he knew you were using him as an excuse not to be happy?”

“That’s not what I’m doing,” Holly argued. “It’s just…I can’t have a wild affair with his coach. Alex is important to Will. They’ve…they’ve bonded.”

“You’re important to Will, too. Why do you think he left this weekend?”

“If, and this is a big if, butif Will did leave because he was playing matchmaker or something, then it’s even worse. What if he gets his hopes up? How will he feel if—I mean,when things don’t work out? He’ll be devastated. He’s already been abandoned by his father. He doesn’t need to be disappointed like that again.”

“Will’s not a little boy, you know. He’s a young man.”

“He can still be hurt.”

Gina looked at her thoughtfully. “Are you sure it’s Will you’re really worried about? You can be hurt, too, Holly.”

“I can take care of myself,” she snapped.

Gina raised her eyebrows. “Right, of course. I forgot for a minute who I was talking to. Holly Stanton, the woman who doesn’t need help from anyone.”

Holly frowned at her. “You’re starting to sound like Alex.”

Gina sighed. “Look, Holly, it’s your life. You need to make your own decisions. I just think that you could have some fun with Alex without causing undue devastation in Will’s life or yours. Mencan be fun, you know.”

“Not in my experience,” Holly muttered.

“Exactly my point. You need some new experiences. But go ahead, turn your back on some really amazing sex. God forbid you actually let down your guard for two seconds and enjoy yourself.”

“Hey! I enjoy myself plenty. With or without the sex.”

Gina hopped down from her stool. “I give up. You’re hopeless. Let’s go pedal ourselves into oblivion.”

Holly sighed in relief. “Finally a suggestion that makes sense. Lead the way.”

 

Alex had no idea what to expect when he saw Holly again. He kept busy so he wouldn’t think about it too much, gathering up the cleaning products Holly had brought into the house and taking them upstairs to his bedroom, wanting to bring some of her warmth, her magic, into the one place she hadn’t been yet.

After he did the floors and the furniture he stripped his bed and took the sheets down to the laundry room. Holly had bought a new kind of detergent and a box of dryer sheets. An hour and a half later, pulling his bedding from the dryer, he buried his face in the clean scented warmth and felt an ache starting in his heart and spreading to every part of him.

He was upstairs making his bed when he heard the front door open.

“Alex?” Holly called out, her voice tentative, unsure, and Alex went to the head of the stairs and looked down at her.

“Hey,” he said.

She held up a red-and-white bucket. “I brought chicken,” she said, and he grinned in sudden relief.

“I knew you were my kind of woman,” he said, but without a leer or even an eyebrow wriggle, and she grinned back at him.

“Didn’t you notice that it’s getting dark?” she asked as he came downstairs. “I wasn’t sure you were home when I got back, even though I saw your car. There aren’t any lights on.” She was flicking switches as she spoke, in the hallway and in the living room, where she set the bucket on the coffee table. Alex sat down on the couch, blinking at the pools of mellow light that came on where she went, marveling at the way she illuminated everything she touched.

“Sorry,” he said. “How was your day?” he asked, carefully keeping to his side of the sofa when she sat down on the other end.

“It was good,” she said, laying out paper plates and plastic silverware. Alex waited for a minute, wondering if she was going to say anything else. When she didn’t, he frowned.

“Okay,” he said. “I’m trying to let you set the pace here, but I may need some help with the ground rules. Are we allowed to talk about what happened last night, or—”

“Not yet,” Holly said quickly. “Please? Just give me one more night. We’ll talk tomorrow, I promise. For tonight I was sort of hoping we could eat greasy takeout and watch a movie or something. If that’s okay with you?”

One more night. Well, at least she wasn’t rejecting him. Not yet.

“Of course it’s okay. What do you want to watch?”

“I rentedThe Replacements. ”

He raised his eyebrows. “That’s a football movie.”

“Well, of course. It’s football season.”

“So it is,” Alex said, and settled down to eating chicken and mashed potatoes and keeping his eyes on the television screen instead of Holly’s curves.

All things considered, it wasn’t too hard. They watched the movie together and then, before there was a chance for things to get awkward, they each said good-night and went to their respective corners. Or in this case, their bedrooms.

Nowit was hard. In more ways than one, Alex thought wryly, thinking it was a shame that his innuendoes were wasted on the inside of his head.

Was this going to be his life from now on? Lying awake every night thinking about Holly?

Alex sighed. Maybe he’d be better off if he hadn’t seen Holly again, or better yet, had never met her. Now that they’d actually made love it was a thousand times worse. He’d set out to ruin her for all other men and instead she’d ruined him.

Suddenly he threw the covers off and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He needed to get out of this damn house. Take a walk or something. He threw on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt and went into the hallway, noticing that there was a strip of light under Holly’s door, which didn’t help his peace of mind. He averted his eyes as he went downstairs, where he pulled on a pair of boots and his black leather jacket.

The air outside was cool, and a few thin clouds raced each other across the moon. Alex thrust his hands into his pockets and trudged off on the walk that was somehow going to restore his sanity.

Fat chance.

 

Holly thought she heard a door slam. She blinked at the book she was holding in her hands, realizing that she’d been staring at the same page for twenty minutes.

Oh, what was the use? She threw the book down on the bed beside her and stared up at the ceiling.

Maybe Gina was right. Did it make sense to burn for someone like this and not have him? Right now it didn’t seem to make any sense at all. She was one breath away from getting out of bed and going across the hall to Alex’s room.

In fact, she was one breath past it. Holly sat up in sudden determination. She was wearing reasonably nice pajamas, plain and tailored but made of silk, with a camisole top.

Trying very hard not to think too much, or to do anything that would lessen the chances that she would be kissing Alex within the next two minutes, Holly slipped out of bed and tiptoed across the room, hesitating just a moment before opening her door. A moment after that she was standing in his doorway.

He wasn’t there.

She remembered the slamming door she’d heard and sighed in frustration. He’d gone for a walk. To cool down, probably. He’d been just as hot as she was, and he’d gotten out of the house so he wouldn’t act on it. Great. He was doing exactly what she’d asked him to. Wonderful.

Kicking herself for having waited this long, Holly went back to her room, crawled into bed and turned out the light. It was for the best, she told herself grimly as moonlight glimmered through the black-lace branches of the tree outside her window. She’d been saved from making a very stupid decision. Tomorrow she and Alex would talk, and decide to do the sensible thing, and in the afternoon Will would be back and everything would return to normal.

It was just too bad for her if normal didn’t seem appealing anymore.

She must have fallen asleep eventually, or at least dozed off, because when she opened her eyes and saw Alex standing at her bedside, dappled in shadows and moonlight, she thought at first she was dreaming. He was dressed for the outdoors in his boots and leather jacket, and he smelled like cold night air and autumn leaves.

“Alex?” she said, blinking up at him.

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “I thought you might still be awake. I thought—” Suddenly he stopped talking and dropped to his knees beside her. “I’m sorry I came in here. But I can’t… Knowing you’re so close and that I can’t have you… I don’t think I can do this, Holly. I don’t know what to do. Help me out here. Tell me something to make this stop. Tell me you hate me. Tell me to go.”

Holly was on her side, facing him. She reached out a hand and stroked the hair off his face. His eyes, which had closed, opened wide at her touch. “I can’t,” she whispered. “I don’t know what I want, either, but I don’t want you to go. Why is it so much easier to tell the truth at night?”

Alex captured the hand that was stroking his hair, placing a butterfly kiss on her palm. It made her shiver. “I don’t know,” he said, looking at her. “But I wish the sun would never come up again.”

For a moment they stayed like that, and the silence was so deep and rich that Holly could hear both of them breathing, and the whisper of the leaves outside her window. And then Alex’s hands were on her bare arms, his palms ghosting over her skin, raising goose bumps everywhere he touched.

Holly felt suddenly shy and scooted away, at least as far as the headboard. Alex only smiled, grasping her wrists and pinning them against her pillow as he climbed on top of her, his knees on either side of her hips. He still had his boots and his jacket on, and fully dressed like this he was somehow so masculine, so possessive, that all she could do was wait, heart pounding, for what he would do next.

The covers were down by her hips, and Holly watched as Alex’s eyes roved lazily over her flat stomach. She was shiveringly aware that her camisole had ridden up above her belly button. Her muscles tightened, as if she’d stepped into icy water.

Then his gaze moved up to her breasts, and Holly felt her body responding as if his look were a touch. A shudder passed through her and her nipples hardened, and she could only watch him watching it happen, and see the smile that crossed his face.

“You’re evil,” she whispered, and he exerted a little more pressure on her wrists, pinning them firmly before he released her suddenly, straightening up and laying a palm on her belly above the waistband of her pajama bottoms. Holly could have sworn her body hummed and vibrated at the touch of his cool hand against her hot skin. Then his hand was moving, sliding under the hem of her camisole, over her ribs, and then—oh,yes —covering her right breast.

Holly couldn’t help herself. She arched her back, needing to feel more, needing something—

Alex seemed to know exactly what she needed. His other hand moved to cover her left breast and his thumbs were working some kind of magic across her nipples, sending bolts of pleasure straight to her core.

Any tiny bit of resistance she might have clung to melted like butter in the sun as Holly let out a wordless cry of pleasure.

His hands were moving again, tugging off her top, and she raised herself up enough to help him before she sank back down on the bed and Alex lowered his head, taking one breast in his mouth while his hand caressed the other. When he grazed his teeth across the hyper-sensitive flesh she gasped, and when he blew cool breath across her wet skin she moaned.

She was so saturated with desire it took her a few seconds to notice he was kissing his way down her stomach, and then lower.

She tensed up and put a hand in his hair to stop him.

He looked up at her, and seemed to know right away that she was a little nervous about what he was about to do.

“Trust me, Holly,” was all he said.

Then he hooked his thumbs in the waistband of her pajama bottoms, catching her panties too, and in two seconds they were gone, a satin puddle on the floor, and she was completely exposed to him.

“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” Alex said softly, his blue eyes almost black in the moonlight, and then he slid his hands between her knees and exerted steady, irresistible pressure, and Holly let her legs fall open so Alex could move between them, his leather jacket smooth and cool against her thighs and his hands coming to rest on her bare hips.

For a moment he was still, just looking at her. The sight of him like that, fully dressed and cherishing her, was so much sexier than anything she’d ever experienced that she felt a rush of moisture at her center. She gasped when he pressed his thumbs into her soft flesh and opened her gently. Then he lowered his head and licked her, flicking his tongue across the heart of her.

Her need for him was a riptide in her body, pulling and pushing at the same time. She was shaking uncontrollably now, a storm building, rocking her, and he had to stop but he should never stop, never stop, never, never—

When the storm burst she cried out, bucking against him, and his hands and mouth stayed on her, gentler now, riding out the waves until she began to still, and then he moved to cover her body with his, and the sensation of his jeans and leather jacket against her naked, sensitized skin almost made her come again.

She took deep, deep breaths as he licked the sweat from her throat and between her breasts, and then she had her hands in his hair and was tugging him upward.

She pulled him to her, and then it was mouth on mouth and tongues exploring softly, almost shyly, and she could taste the tang of herself for a moment but then it was all Alex, the wild heat of Alex, surrounding her and penetrating her and making her feel more glorious things than she’d ever felt in her life.

 

Alex broke their kiss and looked down at her, and saw her eyes drifting closed. He levered himself up and off the bed, pulling the covers up to tuck Holly in, and then kneeling down by her pillow. He was distracted by the look on her face, an expression of completely satisfied desire. He couldn’t stop himself from lowering his head to taste her lips one more time.

After a long, soft kiss he pulled away, stroking her hair away from her face, loving the way the flush of pleasure lingered in her cheeks.

Her eyes fluttered closed again.

“Go to sleep,” he said gently. “I’ll go back to my room to give you your space.”

“But…nothing happened for you,” she murmured, her cheek pillowed on her hand.

Alex smiled. “Don’t worry about me. You’re tired, and I think you might feel better tomorrow morning if you wake up alone. Less pressure. We do still have to talk, you know.”

She nodded, and Alex dropped one last kiss on her forehead before rising to his feet and backing away. “Good night, Holly. Sleep well.”

She was drifting off as he closed the door behind him.

He took a quick shower to calm his body down and crawled naked into bed, his hair still damp. He felt at peace for the first time all day as he closed his eyes and fell asleep.

 

Holly woke up feeling better than she ever had in her life. Her eyes were clear, blinking in the morning light—by the angle it couldn’t be much after dawn—and her mind was clear, too.

Remembering the events of last night, she closed her eyes and made a little sound at the back of her throat.

She opened her eyes suddenly. She wanted to make Alex feel that way, and for the first time in her life, she thought she could. Holly had never felt very sure of herself in bed, never sure about the pleasure she was giving or receiving, but a confidence was rushing through her now, not that she knew what to do but that she’d be able to figure it out. If she wasn’t sure, she could ask Alex to tell her. He was so passionate, so uninhibited, that he made her feel that way, too.

Luckily she was still naked.

This time, standing in his doorway, she was glad to see Alex in bed, sound asleep on his back with one arm flung out to the side. She went over to him softly, taking hold of his covers and pulling them down slowly and carefully, smiling when she saw that he, too, hadn’t bothered with clothes last night.

She climbed onto the bed and lay down beside him, farther down than he was, and took him softly in her hand.

Then his hands were in her hair and he was saying“Holly?” as if he could hardly believe what was happening.

She stopped what she was doing to smile up at him. “Hi,” she said.

“What are youdoing? ”

“Reciprocating,” she said.

She heard him moan, felt him tense, and suddenly he sat up, pulling her into his lap and kissing her fiercely.

Then the kiss stopped and Alex slid off the bed. “Wait here,” he ordered her, stabbing a finger in her direction and heading out the door. She heard him go down the stairs, and a minute later he was coming up them again.

“What in the world are you doing?” she asked as he came back into the room carrying a portable CD player.

“Fulfilling a fantasy,” he said with a grin, setting the stereo down on the dresser and hitting the play button. A moment later Marvin Gaye was singing “Let’s Get It On” and Alex was coming toward her, wearing the sexiest smile Holly had ever seen.

“I love this song,” she said.

“It makes me think about you. About making love to you.” He sat down on the bed next to her, stroking his hand down her naked shoulder.

She shivered at his touch. “I never figured you for the romantic type,” she said.

“I’m not, normally. You bring it out in me.” He leaned over to kiss her and she slid her hand down his body to cup him in her hand.

Alex froze against her briefly, sucking in air.

“I want you,” he said roughly. “I want to be inside you. Do you want that?”

“Yes,” she breathed.

His hand tightened on her shoulder for one moment. Then he pulled back to open the drawer of his night-stand for a condom.

He opened the little foil packet but then she took it from him, taking her time sliding the lubricated latex over his arousal, smiling when she heard him catch his breath.

“Red-haired witch,” he said, pulling her closer so that she was straddling him, and then using his hands to guide her down on top of him.

As she slid down his hard length she felt his hands on her hips tense, gripping her hard. A shiver ran through her at the feel of that hard masculinity inside her, all that raw power beneath her, and at the glorious freedom of being the one on top, able to set the pace.

She leaned forward, putting her hands flat on his chest, and watched his face as she began to move, finding a rhythm that made his eyes close and his head rock back, the strong, corded muscles of his neck tensing and releasing as he clenched his jaw.

She was so distracted by the passion and intensity in his face that she didn’t notice how close she was to her own release. Then she felt the tremors beginning, in her fingers and toes this time, and then traveling like white lightning to her core. She exploded, crying out and tightening all her muscles, including some she hadn’t known she possessed, and Alex was first rigid beneath her and then pulsing inside of her as he called her name and opened his eyes to meet hers for one blinding moment.

 

Once again it was a while before they could move or speak. Eventually Alex dislodged her gently and then slid down to lie beside her, trailing a hand along the perfect curve that dipped from her torso to her waist and then up to her hip.

“I think you broke me this time,” she said, her face turned into the pillow and her voice muffled.

He chuckled. “If that’s true it’s only fair for me to fix you. Let’s see, how could I manage that?”

Without opening her eyes Holly scooted so that she was cuddled against his chest, the top of her head tucked under his chin and her arm around his waist. Alex felt a stirring of something, a feeling that was probably as old as time. It was a voice inside him that said, “This is my woman, and I’ll look after her until the day I die.”

He held her tight, and she nestled closer, and he reached up to pull the covers over them both.

And within minutes they were asleep.




Chapter Ten

“Hello! Are you guys here? I’m home!”

Alex’s eyes flew open, but Holly was faster. She sprang out of bed, looking around wildly and grabbing a towel off his floor to cover herself with.

“Oh, my God, it’s Will. Alex, you have to get down there so I can get back to my room and change. Throw some clothes on, anything.”

Alex’s head was still fuzzy with sleep but he heard the urgency in Holly’s voice and he moved as quickly as he could. As he was heading out the door in sweats and a T-shirt Holly grabbed his arm. “I’ll be down in a minute,” she hissed at him. “Don’t say anything about—about this.”

Her words echoed in his head as he went down the stairs to greet Will. Did she mean don’t say anything ever, or that she wanted to be the one to tell him? Now is not the time to worry about that, he told himself as he arrived at the bottom of the stairs and looked around for Will. He and Holly still had to talk, that was all. But she wouldn’t turn her back on the feeling that was obviously between them. Not after this morning. Would she?

Alex found Will in the kitchen, opening a cooler that contained ice and three smallish trout.

“Look!” Will said enthusiastically, and in spite of the disorientation of having woken up two minutes before and his nagging anxiety about Holly, Alex couldn’t help grinning at the happy teenager. “Will, that’s great. Where are the rest of them?”

“This is it,” Will said, looking down at his catch with pride. “From this morning, anyway. We caught some yesterday, but we ate them.”

“Of course,” Alex said, holding back a smile. “Out of the water and onto your plate. It’s the only way to go.”

“You bet. So—” He turned to Alex with a speculative look. “How wasyour weekend? Did you have any fun?”

It was either his imagination, or Will knew something. Or suspected something. Or—

“Will, did you go away this weekend on purpose?”

He looked guilty, which confirmed it. “What do you mean, on purpose?”

“You know what I mean.” He turned his head as he heard Holly coming down the stairs, and he had time to say, “Don’t say anything to your mom, not one word,” before she came into the kitchen, smiling brightly. She was wearing corduroys and a dark green sweater, and her hair was caught back in a pony tail.

“Hi, honey! You’re back early!”

“I am? I said Sunday afternoon, didn’t I?” he said, looking confused. Alex followed Holly’s eyes to the clock, which read 2:00 p.m.

“Oh. Right.” She took a breath. “Well, good for you. Punctuality is important. Very, very important. So how was…how was your…” Her eyes drifted to the cooler, and her eyebrows rose. “A veritable feast, I see,” she said gravely, sounding more like herself, and Alex breathed a sigh of relief.

“Mr. Washington said I did very well for a beginner. Of course he and Tom caught about twenty apiece, and they offered to give me some of theirs to take home, but I said I just wanted to take the ones I caught myself. So you could see them.”

Holly went over and gave her son a quick hug. “I agree with Mr. Washington. I think you did great. I assume this is going to be our next meal?”

“If that’s okay with you guys,” Will said anxiously.

“Of course it is,” Holly said. “I’ll be happy to cook them, unless you want to. I willnot clean them, however. That job is all yours.”

“No problem,” Will said proudly. “Tom taught me how.”

“Wonderful. We may as well get started now, unless you’ve already eaten. Alex and I haven’t had lunch yet—” She blushed, although Alex noticed she didn’t look at him “—so we’re starving.”

“Sounds good,” Will said. “I haven’t had anything since breakfast.”

Despite a little awkwardness in the air, their late lunch was fun, not to mention delicious. Alex felt himself relaxing as Will regaled them with his fishing triumphs, and he saw that Holly was unwinding, too.

It was toward the end of the meal that it hit him.

Will was laughing so hard at something Holly said that he got the hiccups, and Holly found that so funny she couldn’t stop laughing, either. She’d start to say something, but then Will would hiccup, and that would start her laughing again. Will was drinking water in an effort to stop whenHolly started hiccupping, and Will found that so hilarious he sprayed a mouthful of water all over the table.

That was when it hit him. Some of the water hit him, too, which both mother and son found extremely amusing. But the important thing, the big thing, was the realization.

He loved them.

He thought it exactly like that.I love them. Not justI love her, butI love them. Because what he wanted was the whole package. Holly and Will, part of his life forever.

Forever.

The knowledge felt huge, as if he wasn’t big enough to hold it. He couldn’t stay still. He rose to his feet.

Holly and Will looked up at him. Will was still hiccupping, but Holly had stopped. “Are you okay? You have the strangest look on your face.”

“I—”

He couldn’t say it. Not yet, anyway. He’d never said it to anyone before. What was the procedure? Did you just blurt it right out, or what? Should he tell Holly alone, or both of them together?

He needed some time to think. To get his thoughts in order.

Air, he thought. He needed some air.

“I’ll be right back,” he said, crossing the kitchen and going out the back door.

 

“Is Alex okay? I didn’t mean to spit on him,” Will said after he finally controlled his hiccups.

Holly grinned. “I’m pretty sure he knows that.” The phone rang, and Holly went to go answer it. “Clear the table, would you?” she called over her shoulder as she went into the living room.

“Hello?”

“Oh…hello. Is Alex there?”

A female voice, breathy and hopeful. Holly rolled her eyes. “He’s just stepped outside. Can I take a message, or do you want me to call him?”

“Um…I guess you can take a message. Tell him Krystal called. Krystal with a K,” she added helpfully.

Of course, Holly thought as she wrote down the name. It was important to be specific with Alex, because he’d probably dated a girl named Crystal with a C, too.

“Does he have your number?”

“It’s changed, actually. Can I give you the new one?”

“You bet.” Holly made a face at the phone as she wrote the number down beside the name.

She was still staring down at the piece of paper when Alex came into the living room.

“Message for you,” she said, handing it to him. He put it in his pocket without looking at it.

“Holly, I—”

“Don’t you want to know who called?”

He still looked funny. “Not particularly. Look, Holly, can we talk somewhere in private? Maybe over dinner or a drink or—”

“It was Krystal.”

He blinked. “Crystal?”

“The woman who called. Her name was Krystal.”

“The woman who called.”

“Uh-huh. Krystal with a K.”

He frowned at her. “Holly, is something wrong?”

“No, nothing at all. So tell me about Krystal. Did she come before or after Amber?”

Just listen to her. She was talking like a jealous girlfriend.

He was looking down at her with one eyebrow raised. “Did you think I was lying when I told you I’m not seeing anybody? When I told you I have no plans to see anybody? Except for you,” he added, and the look in his blue eyes made her stomach flip.

She folded her arms across her chest. “Look, it’s none of my business,” she said.

“Actually, it is. As the woman I’d like to…date, I think it is your business. I think you have a right to know there isn’t anyone else. That there won’t be anyone else.”

God, those eyes. It was hard to think straight when he was looking at her like that, as if she was the only woman in the world.

He wanted to date her? As in…exclusively?

She wanted to believe it. She was surprised at how much she wanted to believe it. Maybehe even believed it, for now. But Alex was not a long-haul guy. And how would Will deal with the fallout when they broke up?

How wouldshe deal with it?

“Let’s go out for a drink,” he was saying now. “How about the Swan?”

The Swan was a pub downtown, known for its intimate atmosphere and dark, tryst-inducing booths.

“No,” she said quickly. “Look, Alex…I know we still haven’t talked about…about what happened between us. But Will just got back, and I…I need a little time with him. And a little time to myself, too. Is it okay if we talk tomorrow?”

He looked as if he wanted to press the point, but after a moment he sighed.

“We can talk tomorrow,” he said. His eyes were still on her, with the focused intensity that made her pulse go all skittery. “But you can’t hide forever, Holly Stanton.”

Didn’t she know it.

 

She didn’t want to be this person. She’d structured her life so shewouldn’t be this person. This person who could be thrown into a jealous fit after one phone call, this person whose heartstrings and nerve endings now seemed to be tuned to Alex—his voice, his smile, his eyes.

She’d sworn that her happiness would never again depend on another human being. Now here she was, unreasonably jealous one minute, melting with affection and desire the next. And all because of Alex.

It was after midnight, and everyone else was asleep. Holly was pacing back and forth in her room. No, not her room—Alex’s room. In Alex’s house. After her parents kicked her out, she’d sworn to herself she’d never live even a day in a place that wasn’t her own. A place someone else could kick her out of.

Not that Alex would—but he could. Anytime he wanted to, he could.

She opened her door and moved softly down the hall, pausing a moment outside Alex’s door.

She closed her eyes, memories of their lovemaking making her shiver. Alex had ignited her, body and mind and heart and soul, and the heat between them had burned away all barriers until she hadn’t known where he ended and she began.

And that might be a nice way to feel in bed with someone, but then you had to get out of bed and on with your life. And that’s when the feeling became terrifying. Holly was used to knowing exactly where she ended and other people began. Feeling this…connectedto someone just wasn’t something she’d ever signed up for.

She forced herself to start walking again, down the hall and down the stairs. Once on the first floor she turned on a few lights, enough to see her way as she wandered from room to room of the house she’d grown so comfortable in.

She felt connected to Will, of course, but that wasn’t the same thing. She was the mom, so her job was to be in control, to be responsible. With Alex, she felt…carried away. Out of control. Her feelings for Alex were growing faster than she could analyze them, and already they seemed somehow exponentially beyond analysis, as if she were trying to use a microscope to study the sun.

Being that connected to someone meant pain if they left. Feelings of helplessness, loneliness and neediness. Feelings Holly had sworn she’d never go through again.

She’d walked through every room downstairs and now she paused in the front hallway, turning on the light switch, the soft glow from the old-fashioned chandelier reminding her of Friday night and the way Alex had talked to her, challenged her, forced her outside her defenses.

She turned the light off again and went back into the living room.

It was too much. Being with Alex had opened up wells of feeling within her, and she didn’t want to know what was at the bottom. She tried to imagine what she would feel if—no, make thatwhen —Alex left her.

Not because he was a bad guy. Not because he didn’t care about her. But because it wasn’t his nature to tie himself to one woman, and because experience had taught her that it was in few men’s natures to be tied down to a single mother.

And let’s say he gave it the old college try. Let’s say everything seemed to be going along just fine. Experience had taught her something about that, too—when you let yourself be comfortable, let yourself relax, then something would happen to knock you flat.

But none of those fears even came close to the fear of Will getting hurt. He’d already been abandoned by his father… He didn’t need to lose a father figure, too. Not one he liked as much as Alex.

Holly picked up a wooden statue from the top of a bookcase, a carved giraffe that a former player had given Alex. Her fingers caressed it before she set it back down. And then she realized what she’d been doing for the last hour, going from room to room of Alex’s house, touching the things she associated with him.

She was saying goodbye.

 

The next morning, after Will and Alex had both left for the day, Holly called in to work and took a personal day. Then she went out to her favorite coffee shop and bought a morning paper.

There were a few likely ads in the real-estate section, both apartments and houses for rent, but the problem was Holly didn’t feel like taking the time to look around and make a careful decision, or waiting for the first of the month to move in.

She glanced at the clock on the wall. Eleven o’clock in the morning. Eight o’clock in Vegas, which was way too early to call a woman on her honeymoon. Holly did some window-shopping in town and had a light lunch, and forced herself to wait until one—ten in the morning Vegas time—before she called Gina’s cell phone.

Her voice, when it came, sounded sleepy but very happy. “Good morning, good morning whoever you are, you’ve reached Mrs. Henry Walthrop!”

In spite of her own worries Holly smiled. “So I take it you didn’t run away.”

Gina gave a contented sigh. “Nope. And it’s a good thing. Married life suits me. Of course being waited on hand and foot in a honeymoon suite may be affecting my judgment.” There was a pause and the sound of a wet kiss. “No, on second thought, I think it’s all Henry.”

“Gina, I’m really happy for you. And I’m sorry to bother you when you’re on your honeymoon, but I have a pretty big favor to ask.”

“Anything, sweetie. Shoot.”

“Your apartment. Is it still available?”

“Absolutely. My lease doesn’t run out till the end of the year, so unless I find someone to sublet I’m stuck paying the rent till then.”

“Well, you’ve just found someone to sublet. How soon can I move in?”

Gina hesitated. “Anytime, I guess. The superintendent has the keys. All my clothes and things are moved out but it’s still furnished, which makes it easy. But what’s going on? I thought you guys were sort of settled at Alex’s place.” A beat went by. “Oh. Okay, I get it. I guess things didn’t go so well with Alex, huh? Were you too chicken to go for it when he jumped you?”

“Not exactly.” Holly cleared her throat. “The jumping was pretty much mutual. And he said he wants to date me.”

“But that’s great! Isn’t it great?”

“Well…”

“Holly Stanton, give me one good reason why this isn’t great.”

“Because Alex has never been in a relationship that lasted longer than three months! Because I’ve never been in a relationship that didn’t end with the guy running away from me! First Brian, then Mark—”

“Don’t you know there’s a first time for everything?”

“Not for this. Not for me.”

“Okay, Holly. I’m about to tell you something important, so pay attention. It’s time for you to stop surviving and start living. I know Brian was a low-down bastard, and I know your parents let you down. I know you put a wall around your heart to get through those first few years alone. But those days are over. It’s not just you and Will against the world anymore.”

Holly closed her eyes. “Just tell me whether or not I can have your apartment. I need a place to stay.”

“Of course you can have the damn apartment! But when I get back home you and I are going to have a serious discussion.”

“Fine. Whatever. I’ll buy the drinks.” She took a deep breath. “And, Gina? Congratulations.”

“On being happy? Thanks, I appreciate it. Want to know my secret? Not being blindand stupid enough to let the right guy go.”

Holly sighed. “Enjoy the rest of your honeymoon, Gina.”

 

By the time Will and Alex came home from practice, everything was done. Holly had moved their few possessions to the new place, and washed her and Will’s sheets and remade the beds. She made dinner, too, steak and green salad and mashed potatoes. It was waiting on the table when Will and Alex came through the door.

“Hi,” she said as cheerfully as she could. She glanced at Alex, who grinned at her before hanging up his jacket, and then at Will who was rubbing the back of his neck.

“Dinner’s on the table,” she said, wishing her heart wouldn’t turn over in her chest every time Alex smiled at her. “Rough day at practice?” she asked her son as they went into the kitchen. Will slumped down into his chair with a groan.

“Say hello to the Wildcats’ new starting quarterback,” he said. “Apparently Coach’s training plan for a rookie QB is to try really hard to kill him, and if it doesn’t work, then he’s ready for game day.”

Holly had stopped in the middle of serving salad. “But…how? I thought with the bye week Charlie would be able to—”

Alex shook his head. “It’s an ACL injury. He’s out for the season.”

Holly finished dishing supper and sat down herself. “But Will’s only fifteen,” she said to Alex, frowning. “What if he gets hurt like Charlie did?”

“Hey, I’m sitting right here. And if Coach doesn’t manage to kill me there is nothing, and I mean nothing, that an opposing team will be able to do to me.”

“Who are you playing this week?” she asked.

“The Silverton Warriors,” Alex said.

“They’ll be a pushover,” Will assured her, putting an enormous bite of steak into his mouth.

“Hey,” Alex said, smiling at him. “Just because you completed a few passes today is no excuse to get cocky.”

“I’m not cocky,” Will said with his mouth full. “The Warriors are terrible. Are you trying to tell me they’re not terrible?”

Alex rolled his eyes. “Okay, yes, they’re terrible. But that still doesn’t mean you can be overconfident.”

“How much do you want to bet we win this game?”

Alex folded his arms. “You want me to bet against my own team? Ever hear of a guy named Pete Rose?”

“Just a friendly wager, Coach. If we lose Friday’s game I’ll wash the dishes for a month.”

Holly had been listening with half her attention, trying to work up the courage to tell them her news. But now she needed to speak up.

“Actually,” she said awkwardly, “the dishes aren’t going to be an issue anymore. Will and I are going to be moving out.”

Will swallowed a bite of mashed potato. “Sure, eventually. But in the meantime someone has to—”

“Not eventually. It’s done. We’re moving into Gina’s apartment tonight.”

Will and Alex both stared at her. After a minute Alex set his fork down on the table. “That was fast,” he said evenly.

“What do you mean, tonight?” Will asked, sounding bewildered. “And why? Alex doesn’t mind having us here and we—”

“We can’t trespass on Alex’s hospitality forever,” Holly interrupted. “Look, this isn’t up for discussion. I told you, it’s done. I spoke to Gina and the building superintendent and I moved our things over there today.”

Will’s fork clattered onto his plate. “I can’t believe it,” he said. “You’ve never called out of work in your entire life, but you did today so you could do this behind my back?”

“Behind your back? Will, I’m your mother. I still make the decisions for this family.”

“Got it,” Will said, pushing his chair violently back from the table. “Of course. Because you always know what’s best, right? Well, you know what? You don’t knowanything. I bet you think you’re protecting me, too. That’s always your excuse when you’re actually protecting yourself.”

He was on his feet now, his expression angrier than Holly had ever seen it. She could only stare at him with her mouth open. “I’m going next door to say goodbye to Anna,” he said stiffly. “I’ve been helping her with her yard work, and I don’t want her to think I’ve just disappeared on her. Decent people don’t do that.”

“Will, you can still come by here whenever you—”

“Forget it, Mom. You can try selling it to Alex, but he’s pretty smart. I don’t think he’ll buy it any more than I do.”

Will’s outburst was so sudden and so out of character that Holly felt tears starting behind her eyes. Determined that Alex wouldn’t see her cry, she snatched up her dishes with shaking hands and took them to the sink, where she could stand with her back to the room while she tried to compose herself.

Behind her she could hear Alex’s chair scrape against the floor as he got to his feet.

“Is there a chance this doesn’t mean you’re breaking up with me?”

His voice was cold, and she couldn’t look at him. “We were never really together,” she said, hearing her own voice tremble. She turned on the water to fill the sink and held her hands under the stream. Her skin felt tight, and there was an ache at the back of her throat.

“I see.”

The water was painfully hot, but she didn’t move her hands or turn on the cold tap. If only she could burn these feelings away, burn them out of her, make them stop—

“I told you Saturday morning I’d accept any decision you made, as long as I understood why you’re making it. At the time, you said that was fair.”

She swallowed around the pain. “It is fair,” she said. “I just—”

“I’m going out for a run now. When I get back, we’re going to talk.”

He didn’t wait for a response.

She listened to his footsteps as he left the kitchen. Two tears escaped, one from each eye, slipping down her cheeks like rain. Then she took a deep breath and started to wash the dishes.




Chapter Eleven

Alex ran harder and faster than normal, trying to drive out emotion with physical activity. This was a trick he’d gotten pretty good at over the years, from the time he was a little boy dealing with his mother’s death by getting into fights with the neighborhood kids.

Football had always been an outlet for him—a source of joy, too. And it was a good thing he still had football in his life, because it didn’t look as if he was going to have Holly.

Unless he could convince her to give them a shot.

By the time he got back to the house, the sun was sinking toward the tree-covered hills to the west. He walked slowly across the front lawn, feeling his heart rate slow, using the sleeve of his sweatshirt to wipe the sweat away from his eyes.

“Alex,” he heard Holly say, and she was there in front of him, the red glory of the clouds the perfect backdrop for her fair skin and flaming hair.

She looked young and fragile as she stared up at him, her green eyes anxious. She had such a powerful personality it was easy to forget how small she really was, how slender, her bones as delicate as a child’s. She looked like a child right now, in that bulky brown sweater with her hair pulled back in a ponytail.

But she wasn’t a child.

“Alex, I—I’m so sorry. I wish things were different.”

“Yeah? Different how?”

“I was afraid this would happen. You’ve been so good to Will and me—you took us in after the fire, made us feel at home. I don’t know what we would have done without you. And you and I…we were building a real friendship, a friendship that…that meant so much…and now it’s destroyed.” Her lower lip trembled. “I wish we’d never slept together.”

That felt as harsh as any blow he’d ever received on a football field. He stared at her. “How can you wish that? Those nights with you were the best nights of my life. Making love with you was—I don’t have words for what it was. And Iknow you were there with me.”

She looked away from him. “That’s not what I meant,” she said miserably. “I didn’t mean…of course I feel the same way. About…about those nights. But we’d be crazy to think we could have anything more than that. Just look at our track records.”

He took a step closer to her. “You mean my track record. But Holly…the way I feel about you…I’ve never felt like this about anyone.” It was now or never. “Holly, I love you.”

She fell back a step, looking stunned. “What did you say?”

“You heard me.” He ran a hand through his hair, closing his eyes against the rays of the setting sun. “And I’m guessing from your horrified expression that you’re not about to say you love me, too.”

“Alex, I—I can’t.”

“Can’t, or won’t?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

He opened his eyes. “Yes, you do. I know you feel something for me, Holly. Don’t you want to give this a chance? To give us a chance?”

She folded her arms across her chest. “Alex, you’ve never even left a toothbrush at a woman’s house. You’ve always liked playing the field. And now you expect me to believe you’ll give that up—give up your freedom? Give it up for a single mom with a teenage son?”

“Yes.”He meant it with his whole heart, but Holly didn’t look convinced.

He sighed. “Holly, it’s true that I’ve never been in a serious relationship. But did you ever stop to think—”

“What?”

He took in a breath and let it out. “I’ve wondered about it, too. Why none of the women I’ve dated ever got under my skin. Why I never seem to meet The One.”

He took a step closer. “Maybe the reason I never met The One is that I already have. Maybe the reason no woman can get under my skin is that you’re already there. I was always too proud to admit it, even to myself—but I think I’ve been in love with you for a long time.”

The sun dropped behind the hills, bringing dusk, and the shadows made the air seem colder. Holly shivered, wrapping her arms around herself.

“Alex, you can’t really think—why would you say—”

“Holly, I’m just telling you how I feel. I love you, and I love Will, too. I want both of you in my life. Isn’t that enough to take a chance on?”

And then he felt Holly withdrawing from him, actually felt it, as if she were physically pulling away.

“You feel that way now, but—Alex, you can’t guarantee the future. If we only had ourselves to think about, maybe we could take a chance. But like you said, Will is in this equation, too. I can’t take a chance with Will’s happiness, not ever. I won’t risk him getting hurt.”

“He got hurt tonight.”

“I know, and it was because of us. He’d get hurt a lot worse if we tried being a couple and things fell apart. If he got attached to you, not just as a coach but as some sort of father figure. I’m sorry, Alex, but I just can’t do this.”

Her face looked remote, as if she was already gone. And Alex knew he was beaten.

He was still breathing, but the action felt strange, alien. His chest felt empty, as if something important had been taken out.

His skin was clammy with dried sweat. “I need to take a shower,” he said, and his voice sounded strange in his own ears.

Holly’s lip was trembling again, and his instinct was still to comfort her, to take her in his arms and pull her close.

He forced his hands to stay at his sides. “Good luck at the new place, Holly.”

The walk back to his house was the longest he’d ever taken.

 

The next few days were bad.

Holly had never felt so stiff and unnatural around her own son. There had never been anything they couldn’t talk about before. Then again, she’d never tried to talk to him about anything like this.

She did try, once, when they were eating dinner at the kitchen counter. “Honey, I’m sorry about how sudden all this was. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you beforehand about moving to Gina’s. For reasons I’m not comfortable discussing it was really important to me to—”

Will didn’t even look up at her. “Yeah, I know. You had to leave because Alex is in love with you and you’re totally freaked out. Do you really think I didn’t notice, Mom? Or do you think it’s none of my business? I’m just your son. You know, the person who cares more about you than anybody in the whole world.”

He pushed away from the counter and left the kitchen, going down the hall and into the small second bedroom he had moved into.

Holly stared after him, her mouth open. Then she leaned forward and put her head in her hands. So Will knew. Had Alex told him or had he figured it out on his own? Did it matter? Her own son thought she was cold and unfeeling. Plus he absolutely worshipped Alex. In a million years he’d never understand why she couldn’t love his hero.

Well, why couldn’t she? Maybe she really was cold and unfeeling. Alex had told her he loved her, and she might as well have spit in his face.

The worst day of all came when she was looking for a CD in the stack Alex had given her, and found one with a homemade cover mixed in with the others.

For Holly—To Take To A Desert Island.

She sat staring at it for a long time, knowing she shouldn’t open it, and knowing with even greater certainty that she shouldn’t listen to it.

She was alone in the apartment—Will wouldn’t be back for an hour. There was no one around to see her cry.

And she did cry, hugging her knees on the living room floor and listening to Bruce Springsteen and Joni Mitchell and Aretha Franklin and Van Morrison. But when Marvin Gaye started singing “Let’s Get It On,” she turned the CD player off. The pain inside her was like a living thing.

She went to the sink to splash water on her face.

There was no use in crying. It was all over now. It was for the best, she told herself over and over. It was for the best.

If only things with Will could go back to normal.

He did seem to thaw a little toward her the rest of that week. They were talking again, with at least an approximation of their old camaraderie, although Holly suspected that Will was so anxious about his upcoming debut as the Wildcats’ starting quarterback that he would have talked to anybody just to relieve the tension.

Holly was surprisingly nervous herself on game night, both for Will’s sake—although she’d been careful not to let him know that—and because she’d be seeing Alex for the first time since moving out of his house. Of course there was no reason to expect they’d get within twenty feet of each other, but still she’d be seeing him, and who knew how she’d react to that. Her emotions were a lot more unpredictable than they used to be.

The beautiful fall weather had come to an end during the week, with a cold front from Canada sweeping down to remind them that winter was on the way. Tonight felt bitter, with an icy drizzle coming down from the iron gray sky, but the stands were still packed for the home game. No one in Weston, Ohio wanted to miss a second of the Wildcats’ Cinderella season.

Holly found her usual seat in the bleachers, next to David and Angela Washington, and in spite of all her resolutions she immediately looked down toward the sidelines to see if she could catch a glimpse of Alex.

There he was. He was standing facing the field, so all she could see was his back, covered in a thick Wildcats jacket, but it was in that instant that Holly knew the truth.

She loved him.

The moment couldn’t have been less romantic. She was sitting on a grooved metal bleacher seat that was like a block of ice, with the cold seeping into her butt through her jeans, and the object of her affections was fifty feet away surrounded by a bunch of teenaged boys in helmets and pads.

But in the moment of her revelation the cold couldn’t touch her. She loved him. She loved Alex McKenna.

All that angst, all that inner turmoil, and the truth came and sat down next to her at a damn football game.

She didn’t even think about what would happen next. About what she should do now. It didn’t seem to matter. The only thing she was aware of right now was the window that had opened in her heart. The feeling was so strong she thought other people must be aware of it, must be able to see it like a blinking neon sign, but all around her the attention was all on the field, where the opposing teams were just lining up for the opening kickoff.

Her eyes were still on Alex. He seemed to be the only person in the world. He was talking to an official, but in the middle of his conversation he twisted his head to look up into the stands, as if he’d heard someone calling his name. He looked straight at her, and their eyes met for just one moment. Holly’s breath came faster, and her mouth opened to tell him,I love you, but then the whistle blew to start the game, and he had turned back to watch the action on the field.

It didn’t matter. There was plenty of time. Holly felt something that was new in her experience: a kind of serenity. She had looked into her heart and hadn’t run away from what she saw there, and in that one moment she felt free. She was free.

She took a deep breath and concentrated on what was happening on the football field. Her son was making his debut as the Wildcats’ starting quarterback, and she wasn’t going to miss a second of it, no matter how many revelations of true love fell out of the sky tonight.

“Isn’t this exciting?” Angela screamed in her ear over the shouting of the crowd.

“It is!” Holly shouted back, and the two women settled in to watch their sons and their teammates working together like a well-oiled machine, bonded together by trust and hard work and faith in themselves, all of it given to them by one man, Alex McKenna.

By the middle of the fourth quarter Tom Washington had rushed for over two hundred yards and a touchdown, and Will had completed sixteen of his twenty-three pass attempts, two of them for touchdowns. Holly cheered until her throat was hoarse, and when the last seconds of the game were ticking away, the Wildcats ahead by ten points, she was on her feet with the rest of the crowd when Will threw his last pass of the game, time ran out and the final whistle blew.

Then it happened. One of the Warriors’ defensive linebackers, who’d been frustrated all night long, came through the offensive line and smashed Will to the ground with a vicious hit, helmet to helmet. As the furious Wildcat players pulled him off their starting quarterback the crowd fell suddenly silent.

Will Stanton had failed to get up after the illegal play.

For one frozen moment Holly couldn’t move. Then she was crashing down through the stands, clumsily, falling the last few feet and getting up again and running, running, until she could kneel down at Will’s side.

“The ambulance is on its way,” Alex said, and she looked up to see him kneeling beside her, his eyes on Will’s face.

Before she could answer the trainers were there with a stretcher, and calm, professional hands were lifting Will onto it and covering him with a blanket. They started walking him off the field, Holly with them, her hand clutching one of Will’s in both her own, and by the time they made it to the parking lot the ambulance was there, lights flashing, and then Holly was riding inside it beside her son, her terror hardly lessened by the paramedic’s assurance that his heartbeat was strong and steady.

The next hour was a nightmare. They arrived at the hospital and they wouldn’t let her go in with Will, and nurses asked her things, and gave her papers to sign, and no one would tell her anything, even when she grabbed one doctor by the sleeve and begged her.

“Just sit down in the waiting room, Mrs. Stanton. As soon as we know anything we’ll tell you.”

“It’s Miss,” Holly whispered as she sank down onto a hard plastic chair. “Miss Stanton.”

Maybe if she was a Mrs. this wouldn’t have happened. If Will had a father. If she hadn’t let him play football. If she’d been paying more attention.

She’d been thinking about Alex, falling in love with Alex, and she’d let her guard down, and look what happened. When would she ever learn?

And then Alex was coming through the door, heading right for her, but at that moment the doctor came through another door.

“He’s fine,” the white coated woman said immediately, and Holly felt weak with relief, the tears she’d been holding back sliding down her cheeks. “He has a mild concussion. We took X-rays and did an MRI and all the usual tests, and he’s absolutely fine. We’ll keep him overnight for observation, but that’s just a precaution. He regained consciousness during the exam, but fell asleep a few minutes ago. That’s normal, too. You’re welcome to go in and see him, but he’ll probably still be asleep. It would be better not to wake him up.”

“I won’t,” Holly said. “I want to see him now.”

Will looked terribly young on the hospital bed, with an IV in his arm and some machine beeping on the table next to him. She stood there watching him, breathing when he breathed, for a long time. At some point a nurse came in and said they needed her at the front desk to fill out some more paperwork.

It was while she was doing that, her hand shaking as she tried to manipulate pen on paper, that Alex came up behind her.

“Holly, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” she said without looking at him. “It’s mine.” She finished the last page and pushed the clipboard across the counter to the medical receptionist. Alex took her arm and turned her gently to face him.

“Holly, there is no way you can blame yourself for this. If it’s anyone’s fault it’s mine. I let Will start that game even though he’s only fifteen—”

“He wanted to play. You couldn’t have stopped him.”

“I could have taken him out before that last series.”

“Why? Are you clairvoyant? Did you think that kid was going to hit him after the whistle like that?”

“Of course not, but I—”

Holly shrugged and started to walk away. “I told you, Alex, it’s my fault.”

“Holly, that’s insane! How can you possibly think that?”

“Because it is.”

“Holly, listen to me—”

“I have to go back in to Will.”

“Holly, wait. Before you go in there and start telling your son how this is all your fault, which is not what he needs to hear right now, take one minute and talk to me.”

Holly stopped walking and turned to face him. “Fine,” she said, her voice empty of emotion. They were in a quiet corner of the waiting room and Holly sat down on another hard plastic chair. “What do you want me to say?” she asked.

Alex stared at her for a moment and then sank down into the chair beside her.

“Tell me how this is your fault.”

Everything in her felt tight, and hard, and hot. “Because I let my guard down.” She met his eyes, and focused on him for the first time. “Sitting there in the stands today, I realized that I’m in love with you. And I felt happy. Really happy, like a child feels, without—without reservations. As if everything was beautiful and wonderful and safe.” She took a deep breath and pressed her hands together in her lap. “And then look what happened.”

Alex leaned toward her. “You think Will got knocked unconscious because you realized you love me? Because you let yourself feel happy for two seconds?”

“Yes!” she said passionately. “This is what happens when you let yourself go. The first time, I got pregnant and my parents kicked me out of the house. The second time, I got drunk and hungover and I let our house burn down. And now this.”

Alex was staring at her as if she were speaking a foreign language. Suddenly it seemed very important to make him understand.

“It’s like a bargain I made years ago,” she said, and although she didn’t realize it, her voice was a little higher than usual, like a young girl’s. “I can have Will, I can keep him safe, but only if I—if I—you see, if I’m good, nothing bad will happen. If I don’t try to be happy, Will can be happy. And then I broke the bargain. I thought about myself, I let myself love you, and—oh, God, Will!”

Alex put one hand on each side of her face, gently. “Holly, that’s crazy. If you listened to yourself you’d see that. You’re talking like a frightened little girl, not a grown woman. You—”

Suddenly he stopped. “I get it now,” he said, half to himself. “I finally get it.”

Holly’s face was wet with tears again, and she brushed a hand across her eyes. “You get it, huh? What exactly do you get, Alex?”

He sat back and looked at her. “When you got pregnant. You were young and scared…still a kid, really. Your own parents were ashamed of you. You weren’t their perfect little girl anymore. You weren’t Brian’s perfect girlfriend anymore. The baby you hadn’t asked for took everything else away. And you took his side, fought for him against the whole world.”

He took a breath. “That’s one of the thousand reasons I love you, by the way. You gave birth to Will, and loved him and cared for him, and made a life for him without anybody’s help. Still, the loss of your old life had to hurt. You’re human. But you couldn’t blame Will, could you?”

Holly felt sick to her stomach for some reason. “Of course I couldn’t! Blame Will? He’s the best thing that ever happened to me!”

Alex nodded. “I know. I know he is. You couldn’t blame Will—so you blamed yourself. You still do. That’s why you’re not allowed to be happy. You’re still blaming yourself, even for things you have no control over.”

Holly breathed in through her nose. “That’s crazy,” she said tightly.

“I know it is. But it’s true. That’s the ‘bargain’ you were talking about. You’re punishing yourself for making a mistake when you were eighteen years old. A mistake that led to Will, who you love more than anything in your life. But you’re still to blame for being irresponsible, for letting your guard down. You think if you do it again, something else will be taken away. Like Will. Especially Will. So you don’t dare let yourself be happy.”

Holly’s head was pounding. “You’re nuts,” she spat out. “I’m not going to sit here and listen to this.”

“Fine. But you’ll have to grow up sometime, Holly. If you want to be a whole person, you’ll have to grow up.”

“Grow up? Damn it, Alex, I’ve always been grown up! I wasborn grown up!”

“Not really. Growing up means letting go of the past. Realizing that life is complicated and that people make mistakes. Realizing that bad things happen, and that you can’t prevent them by bargaining with your happiness. Growing up means knowing there are no guarantees, and still having the courage to risk your heart.”

Alex leaned toward her again, his hands gripping the arms of his chair as if he were trying not to reach out for her. “Not that it would have been such a risk with me. I love you, Holly. I’ll never love anyone else.”

Holly drew her knees up against her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs as if to protect herself. “But why?” she said. “Why do you love me? I don’t understand it. All I’ve ever done is push you away.”

He smiled a little. “Yeah, well, I’m not saying it’s been easy. In fact it’s been a major pain in the ass. But if you want to know, I’ll tell you.”

He drew a deep breath. “I love you because you bug me. Because you’re the most exasperating woman I’ve ever known. Because you got under my skin when I was sixteen years old, and worked your way into my heart.

“I love you because you gave Will the gifts you never had. Gifts I never got, either. You were mother and father to him, and put him ahead of everything else, and gave him all the unconditional love and support you never got from your own parents.

“I love you because underneath your mask you’re like a force of nature. You make love like that, you know. With passion. With everything you are. I think you could love a man like that, too—if it was the right man. If you let yourself.”

He took another breath. “We belong together. I look at you and I know I’m home, because there isn’t any other place in the world I want to be.”

He stood up. “But I can’t keep asking you for something you can’t or won’t give. I can’t keep offering my heart when it’s the last thing in the world you want. It hurts too much, Holly.”

He looked toward the wing of the hospital where Will was. “If Will wants to see me anytime, day or night, call me and I’ll come.” And with that he was gone, pushing through the swinging doors that led outside to the parking lot.

For a long time after he left Holly just sat there, unable to move. Finally she struggled to her feet and went down the hall to Will’s room, and the sight of him sleeping peacefully was reassuring and terrifying at the same time. Alex’s words came back to her, and she knew that he’d been right, right about everything.

Suddenly, without warning, she slid down to the floor and started to cry.

She cried for what seemed like hours, and as the tears kept coming and coming and the sobs racked her body, Holly felt something deep inside her start to release. Something hard, and tight, and poisonous. Something that had been there a long time.

Eventually the tears slowed. And after a while she was quiet again, feeling empty and drained and oddly peaceful.

“Hey, Mom, please don’t cry. The doctor said it’s a mild concussion. I’m totally fine.”

Holly scrambled to her feet and looked at her only son, who had woken up and was smiling at her.

Her heart soared. “Will!” She knelt down at his bedside and smoothed his hair away from his face. “I wasn’t crying over you,” she said, giving him a watery smile. “I was crying over me.”

“Well, I like that. What kind of mom are you? I’ve got the IV and the beeping machines and a really bad headache, and you’re not crying over me?”

“Nope,” she said, kissing him on the forehead. “Because you’re totally fine. The doctor said so, remember?”

Will gave a dramatic sigh. “Years from now when I write my memoirs this is going to be a major chapter.”

Her smile turned into a grin. “Will it be as major as the chapter where your mother marries your high school coach?”

Will’s eyes widened. “Maybe I’m hallucinating. I think you should repeat that last thing.”

“You heard me.” Her smile faded. “Or at least, you’ll be able to have a chapter where your mother proposes to your high school coach. I’m not so sure he’s going to say yes.”

“You’re such a dope.”

“You know, Alex says the same thing. If I’m such a dope, why would he want to marry me?”

“Honestly, I have no idea. Maybe he thinks you’re cute.”

Holly ran a hand through her tangled hair. “Not right now, I’m not. I think I should wait a few days before I make my move. If my looks are all I have going for me…”

“Oh, no, you don’t,” Will said, looking stern. “Look, they’re going to kick you out of my room before long, and, anyway I need to rest. I do have a concussion, you know.”

“A mild concussion.”

“Okay, fine. The next time I want a little sympathy I’ll break both my legs. The point is, you could sit out there in the waiting room all night, or you could go to Alex’s house and ask him to marry you, so we can wrap this thing up and move on to living happily ever after. I expect to see the two of you here at my bedside tomorrow morning, hand in hand. I’ve waited long enough, and so has Alex.”

Holly raised one eyebrow. “Since when do you tell me what to do?”

“Since now. This is it, Mom. You’ve taught me everything I know about guts and courage and going after what you want. It’s time to practice what you preach.”

“All joking aside, Squirt, there’s a chance Alex will turn me down.”

“I suppose there is. Are you going to let that stop you?”

He was looking stern again, and Holly couldn’t keep the smile off her face. “No, I’m not,” she said, bending down to tuck the covers more closely around him and straightening up again. “Got any ideas on how I should propose?”

 

When she pulled up in Alex’s driveway, the only light in his house came from his bedroom window. She slipped in through the front door as quietly as she could, turning on one small lamp and moving silently through the living room as she looked for the CD she wanted.

Before she played it, she gathered all the candles she could find and lit them, scattering them around and lighting a pathway from the living room to the stairs. She looked terrible, her jeans and Wildcats sweatshirt stained and a little damp, her hair wild and her eyes still red and swollen, but she couldn’t help that. And, after all, Alex had seen her look even worse.

She took a deep breath. Okay, she was ready. She walked over to the stereo and hit the play button.

And then Marvin Gaye’s voice was filling the house.

She stood in the middle of the living room and waited, and before long Alex was coming down the stairs, past all the candles she had lit, until he stood just a few feet away from her.

“What’s going on?” he asked, his voice carefully neutral. He was wearing a pair of gray sweatpants, barefoot and bare chested, and it was so good to see him again she felt tears pricking behind her eyes.

She took a deep breath. “Will sent me here,” she said, and then shook her head. “No, I mean, I wanted to come. I wanted to tell you—to tell you—” She paused, biting her lip, while he just looked at her.

Damn him, anyway. Why couldn’t he back her up against a wall again?Make her say it? What if she didn’t have the courage to say it on her own?

She took another breath. “What I mean to say—what I want to say—”

Alex folded his arms across his chest. “You’re terrible at this.”

“Shut up. What I want to say—what I mean to say—okay, you’re right, I suck. Dammit, Alex, I—I love you. I want—that is—will you dance with me?” she asked, holding out her hand.

Alex was still for a moment. “That depends,” he said finally, and Holly’s hand dropped to her side. Alex took a step closer, and then another, until he was right in front of her. For a long minute they stood like that, and then Alex took both her hands in his. “Will you marry me, Holly?”

She took two quick steps backward. “What? No! I mean, I was supposed to ask you! I thought I’d ask you to dance first, you know, to sort of work up to it, but then you jumped the gun and—”

Alex was grinning now. “Will you marry me, Holly?”

She came close again, her eyes meeting his. “Yes,” she said, and joy flooded through her, unadulterated by any doubt or fear. She knew Alex could see all that joy, burning through her like sunlight, and then he was kissing her and that burned too, and Holly wondered how she’d ever been able to walk away from this. At least that was one mistake she’d never make again.

“We have to tell Will,” Alex said, when they could finally pull away from one another.

“Visiting hours are over. We can’t see him till tomorrow morning.”

Alex thought about it. “Want to make out in the hospital waiting room?”

For some reason that made Holly burst into tears. “Yes, I do,” she managed to say, throwing her arms around Alex. “I really, really do.”

And they did. They drove back to the hospital and sat down in the lobby, and they held hands, and they kissed, and they talked quietly until morning. Then they walked hand in hand into Will’s hospital room, just like he’d wanted them to.




Contents

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Epilogue






ISBN: 978-1-4268-5520-7

WINNING THE RIGHT BROTHER

Copyright © 2010 by Abigail Strom

All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, is forbidden without the written permission of the editorial office, Silhouette Books, 233 Broadway, New York, NY 10279 U.S.A.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

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Visit Silhouette Books atwww.eHarlequin.com




For Tara Gorvine, who made me do it.

And for Susan Litman,
who made a dream come true with one phone call.




“How do you want to feel?”

Holly propped her chin on her hand as she thought about the question. “I don’t know. I guess I was hoping for…magic.”

Magic, Alex thought, remembering how his body had reacted when Holly had hugged him.

“What would magic feel like?”

She looked down at the table. “Well…goose bumps. Shivers. Your heart beating faster, your knees feeling weak. But I think I’m expecting too much.”

She looked so vulnerable as she said that, her expression a little embarrassed, her cheeks turning pink. He wanted to tilt her chin up so she was looking right at him, he wanted to lean in close and—

I could make your knees feel weak,he thought.






Dear Reader,

Sometimes we’re our own worst enemies when it comes to love. The more self-reliant you are, the scarier falling in love can be.

It’s certainly a frightening prospect for single mom Holly Stanton. She’s been on her own for fifteen years, and the last thing she wants is to fall for Alex McKenna, her son’s new coach and her old high school nemesis. Alex isn’t ready for his feelings, either. But after spending time with the woman he once had a crush on and the boy his stepbrother abandoned, he starts to wonder if love might be worth the risk after all.

It’s with great pleasure that I introduce you to Holly and Alex. They nagged me unmercifully until I put their story on paper, a story that became my first published book. I hope you have as much fun reading it as I did writing it.

My very best wishes,

Abigail


Epilogue

His wedding day.

Alex thought this should be a quietly serious moment, a moment to contemplate the future in some sort of deep and profound manner, but that wasn’t an option when you had Will for a best man.

“Okay, Coach, I went online to get all the advice-to-the-bridegroom I could find. Number one—when you’re standing at the altar, bend your knees slightly. Apparently if you hold them stiff it can cut off the circulation and make you pass out or something. Number two—”

“Will, in the name of everything holy, please stop talking. Why do they make us wait back here, anyway? I can’t tell if they’re ready.”

Will looked sympathetic. “Starting to get nervous, huh? That’s totally normal, by the way. One of my most important jobs is to keep you calm. Would you like me to tell you a joke? I know this really good—”

Alex took Will by the lapels of his tuxedo. “I just need two things. Tell me if I look okay, and tell me if they’re ready for us out there.”

Will stepped back and studied him appraisingly. Alex stood up straight and tried to look easy, confident and manly. In reality he felt a little sick, but he hoped that didn’t show.

“Actually, you look a little sick. Do you want some Pepto Bismol? I brought some in my emergency best-man kit.”

“You have an emergency best-man kit?” Alex asked, momentarily distracted.

“You bet. It’s got—”

“No, don’t tell me. Just sneak out front and see if they—”

Before he could finish the sentence the little door opened and the minister popped his head in. “Showtime!” he said cheerfully, and Alex wondered if he had a few minutes to go to the bathroom and throw up.

Will patted him on the back. “It’s okay, Coach,” he said. “We made it to the state championship and we’re going to make it through this. Right?”

Alex managed to nod. He took a deep breath, and then he and Will went through the door to stand on the left side of the altar.

The church was full of people but Alex didn’t see any of them very clearly. His eyes were fixed at the back of the church, where Holly would be appearing any minute. He remembered what Will had said and bent his knees slightly.

The music began. It was something by Bach, played on the piano. It was probably very beautiful, but Alex wouldn’t have noticed if it had been the theme toStar Wars or the Oscar Mayer wiener jingle.

He took a breath. Gina was coming down the aisle with the measured steps they’d practiced at the rehearsal yesterday. She was probably very beautiful, too, but she could have been hopping along in a pink gorilla suit and Alex wouldn’t have noticed that, either.

There must have been some kind of musical cue, because all at once everyone in the church was rising to their feet. Alex felt his heart stop. He bent his knees a little more and took another deep breath.

And there she was.

As soon as he saw Holly all his fear melted away. Alex had lived thirty-five years, and in all that time no one had ever looked at him like this. There was so much love and trust and joy in Holly’s face that she seemed to glow, as if she were lit from within.

He hadn’t been allowed to see her dress until now. It was nothing like he’d expected, especially the full skirt, which was frilly and feminine and as impractical as a fairy tale…and so beautiful it made his throat ache. Through the mist of her veil he could see her smile, and the extra shimmer in her eyes that came from tears.

Before he knew what was happening he was crying too. He started to lift his arm to wipe away the tears with his sleeve, but then Will was handing him a handkerchief. “Emergency kit,” he whispered.

“Thanks,” Alex whispered back, and suddenly he was grinning at Will, and at Holly, and Holly was smiling at them both with all the love in her heart.

Then his soul mate was standing before him, putting her hands in his, and Holly and Alex were promising out loud and before God what they’d promised in their hearts long ago. And when they sealed their promise with a kiss, they knew that happily-ever-after had just begun.