Callum was too restless to sit. He didn’t know why he’d come. What he was doing there. He’d just known he’d had to come. He prowled around the room, commenting on the view over the Brisbane River, touching her books, picking up the trophy she’d won at sports day when she’d been nine, admiring her CD collection.
He turned to her and shrugged. ‘I don’t know why I’m here.’
Hailey sipped her tea. ‘It’s OK.’ She supposed it’d become clear to him sooner or later. All she knew was she was glad.
He picked up some framed photos, snapshots of her childhood, but he didn’t appear to really be taking them in. Not until he picked up the last one, anyway.
‘You put it in a frame?’ Callum turned round and held out the photo he’d discovered forgotten in the pages of her book.
Hailey paused, the mug of tea halfway to her mouth. She nodded. Her gaze took in the photo again. Took in the happy faces of the people who all seemed like strangers to her now. Back when no dark clouds had hung on her horizon and life had been bright and breezy.
She put the mug down without taking a sip. ‘Yes.’
Callum stared into the smiling faces, none of them aware of the whammy that had lurked round the corner. He remembered those years when he and Tom had been indomitable. ‘He looks like a nice kid.’
She swallowed. ‘He was.’ It still hurt to use the past tense.
‘They look happy. You all look happy.’ Paul looked as if he’d won the lotto. The look of a man secure in his life and sure of his world. Callum had a picture of Annie and himself and Tom as a baby just before Annie’s diagnosis. They’d both looked like that. So…so damn cocky.
Hailey shut her eyes, a lump lodging in her throat. ‘They were. We were.’
Callum looked at her. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…’
She opened her eyes and looked at him. ‘It’s OK.’
She watched him replace the frame gently, reverently. He pushed his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and rocked on his heels.
There was more silence while he rocked and she slowly sipped her tea. She couldn’t explain it but there was a strange tension between them tonight. A vibe. He obviously didn’t know what was going on inside him and she could sense his confusion. Heaven knew, she felt just as uncertain.
Yesterday’s incident had shifted the dynamic between them. It should have damaged them but somehow, with him here in front of her, it seemed it had done the opposite. It didn’t feel as if he was there to blame her. It felt like he was there to connect with her. Even if he wasn’t sure why.
‘This is the first night I’ve spent away from Tom since he was born.’
Hailey let the statement settle for a while between them. ‘That must be weird for you.’
He stalked over to where she had placed his mug and picked it up. ‘Yes.’ He brought the hot drink to his lips and took a sip. He looked into the murky depths of the tea, the weight of her gaze heavy on his skin. It tasted so…bland.
He looked up at her. ‘I’m sorry, do you have something…stronger.’
Hailey blinked. This was serious. ‘I have some beer left over from when Gabe and Beth last came over for tea.’
‘Beer would be great.’ Callum breathed a sigh of relief.
Hailey rose. She retrieved a long-necked beer from the fridge, cracked the lid and was acutely aware of the frostiness against her fingers as she passed it wordlessly to Callum.
‘Thanks,’ he said, taking a long drag. The bitter taste swirled around his tongue and he felt the muscles in his shoulders relax a notch. He took another mouthful as he thought about words he could use to make sense of his intrusion.
‘I’ve been thinking a lot since yesterday.’
‘I panicked.’
He ignored her, running his finger over the frosty beer label. ‘I picked up the phone a hundred times to call you.’
‘You didn’t have to.’
‘Yes, I did. I shut you out.’
She shrugged. ‘I overreacted. I scared you.’
He gave her a half-smile. Yes, she had. ‘I think you scared yourself more.’
Hailey shivered, remembering the moment of blind panic, the crippling sense of déjà vu. ‘I should have used my eyes, my…skills instead of allowing something from my past override my common sense.’
‘Eric’s death wasn’t your fault, Hailey.’
‘I know.’
Callum came round the coffee-table and sat down on the edge, facing her. ‘Do you? Really?’
She looked into his grey eyes, so close now. His knees were centimetres from hers. ‘Yes, really. On an intellectual level, yes.’
‘And on an emotional level?’
Hailey sighed. Boy, did he know how to ask the right questions. ‘Emotionally, things aren’t so clear cut.’
Callum nodded and took another swig of his beer. ‘Ain’t that the truth.’
Hailey looked at him sharply. ‘You blame yourself for Tom?’
‘No.’ Callum gave a decisive shake of his head. ‘I was onto that very quickly.’
Then that only left…‘Annie?’
Callum looked away from her probing gaze. He rolled the beer bottle against his forehead. ‘You’re not going to tell me not to blame myself? That there was nothing I could have done?’
‘I think you know that,’ she said gently.
He glared at her. ‘I’m a doctor, damn it. I save people’s lives. That’s what I do. And yet I couldn’t even help my own wife.’
‘I know.’
‘She wouldn’t let me help her. She was so determined to do it herself.’
‘I know,’ Hailey murmured again, because there wasn’t anything else she could say.
Callum rubbed his hand over his hair. ‘Annie’s parents blame me.’
‘Oh, Callum, I don’t think—’
‘They do. They don’t say it but I know they feel that way. I know they think I should have been onto it sooner.’
Hailey nodded, the denial dying on her lips. Paul had never said it either but she had known. ‘They need someone to be mad at.’
‘Yes.’ Callum threw his head back and finished the beer in a few deep swallows. He looked at her and smiled. ‘Fine couple we make.’
She gave a half-laugh. ‘Yes.’ The smiled faded. He was looking at her intensely, his gaze on her mouth. Her pulse stuttered to a halt for a brief second before resuming in triple time. Their moment on the balcony seemed an age ago now but when he looked at her like that, it was as if it had been yesterday.
She picked up his empty beer bottle, pleased to be doing something, breaking the eye contact. She headed into the kitchen, desperate for space. She discarded the empty in the bin under the sink and almost jumped when she realised he’d followed her.
Callum stood in the doorway, suddenly clear about why he’d come tonight. He wanted her. He had since the ball and he didn’t want to pretend he didn’t any more. ‘I want to make love to you.’
Hailey’s pulse roared in her head as his husky words stroked across her abdomen like trailing fingers. She held on tight to the bench, not trusting herself when her head was saying no but her body was saying game on.
She wanted to make love to him too. In fact, she couldn’t remember a time when she’d ever wanted something so much. But without analysing them too deeply, she knew her feelings ran much deeper than sex, and she wasn’t sure she could play with that kind of fire. She was still sporting scars from the last time. And Callum was vulnerable tonight. After what had happened yesterday, they both were.
Not a good idea.
Hailey swallowed. ‘No, you don’t. Tom is away and you had a dream about Annie and you don’t want to be alone tonight.’
Callum pushed away from the doorframe and walked towards her. ‘No, you’re wrong. This is nothing to do with Annie or Tom and everything to do with the attraction that we’ve been ignoring too long. I know we said we shouldn’t do this but I can’t pretend any more. I see you at work and I want you. I see you in the lift here or lying by the pool and I want you. Even yesterday, when you gave me such a fright, I wanted you. I can’t deny it any more.’
Hailey closed her eyes, shutting out his progress towards her, willing him back. Back to the doorway. To the lounge room. To the other side of her front door. To his house. To Melbourne.
‘Hailey.’
His voice was near and she opened her eyes to find him standing before her. He was so far up, towering over her. She wished the distance was greater but at the same time her fingers tingled to pull him closer.
‘Callum.’
He heard the note of pleading in her voice. But was it beseeching him to stop or was it asking him not to? ‘You know you want this,’ he said huskily, gently cupping the side of her face in his hand, tracing his thumb over the contour of her bottom lip.
Hailey sighed, turning her face into his palm. She inhaled his smell and dropped a kiss there. She looked at him. ‘We’re not teenagers, Callum. Sometimes what we want isn’t good for us, sometimes—’
Callum swooped his head down, cutting her off with his mouth. He felt her shock in the momentary paralysis of her lips before a moan escaped from the back of her throat and she relaxed against him, her mouth moving on his.
‘Sometimes,’ he murmured, pulling away slightly, her lips moist from his, ‘it is.’
‘But—’
He placed a finger across her lips, his forehead resting against hers. ‘Nothing’s felt this right in a long time, Hailey.’
She shivered at the catch in his voice, the stroke of his finger against her mouth, the proximity of his lips still only millimetres from hers.
‘I know you feel it too,’ he murmured.
The intensity of his gaze focusing on her mouth was captivating.
‘I think I’m falling for you,’ he whispered. He removed his finger and brushed his lips across hers. ‘I think I’m falling bad.’
Hailey could barely breathe. His words were mesmerising, his mouth entrancing, his nearness intoxicating. ‘Callum,’ she croaked.
He kissed her then. Properly. His hands cradled her face and he opened her mouth with the sheer force of his own. His pulse tripped and his breath came in tortured gasps. Hers sounded just as rough, just as wild, and he revelled in her tenuous control as she moaned deep in the back of her throat and yanked him closer by his lapels.
He didn’t know what was going to happen after this. What the morning would hold or any of the days after. All he knew was now. Holding her, kissing her, making love with her. This had been their destiny since that very chaste kiss on the balcony. And nothing else mattered.
He straightened, pulling her up with him, lifting her off the floor, grasping her bottom and placing her up on the kitchen bench without pausing for breath. Now they were face to face. He parted her legs, pushing himself between them, planting himself firmly at the juncture of her thighs, her knees cradling his hips.
He broke away, his breath almost painful in his chest. ‘You’re beautiful,’ he said, stroking her hair back from her face, touching her lips, which were swollen from his ministrations.
Hailey ran her tongue along the pads of his fingers. ‘So are you.’ And she reached for him, pulling his head down, her lips seeking the heat of his, the feel of his, the taste of his. He tasted like beer and man and she moaned at the richness of it.
She felt his hands tighten on her buttocks and he slid her forward, forcing her thighs wider, causing her to lock her legs around his hips. The rough cotton of his clothes, the bulk of his zip and what lay beneath it pressed against her centre and she clung to him as he rubbed against her.
Her breasts were squashed against his chest. The heat between her legs where his erection taunted her was unbearable. She wondered if it was possible to enmesh herself with him, truly become one, through sheer force of will. She felt hot, burning up all over, and still, like a moth, she wanted to be closer to his burning white flame.
She slid her hands down his back, her hands finding his buttocks. They felt round and firm in her grasp and she squeezed, bringing him closer still. He thrust against her and it was sweet, erotic torture.
Her hands crept under his shirt and roamed the contours of his back. His skin was hot and very, very male, and she wanted to see his chest again. To explore it with no fear of interruption. To press her own nakedness against his, feel his heat on her breasts.
She pulled away, her breathing ragged. ‘I want to see you,’ she told him, her fingers fumbling with his buttons.
Callum groaned as her nails grazed his chest. He claimed her mouth again, plundering her sweetness. Her fingers brushed his stomach and he wanted to tear his shirt off. His lips grew bolder, wanting to have more of her. They devoured the arch of her neck, licking the pulse that beat frantically at the base. They nibbled along the length of her shoulder, moving the singlet strap out of the way with his teeth.
Hailey gave a frustrated growl as the last button eluded her. Callum gnawed at her neck and she pulled at the two sides of his shirt abruptly, ripping them apart. The button popped. She vaguely heard the noise of it landing on the tiles somewhere behind them.
She gave him a triumphant grin and pushed his shirt off his shoulders and down his arms. It was better than she remembered. Smoother, browner, wider. More sculpted, more defined. She pressed a kiss to the smooth, flat perfection of a pectoral muscle and felt the skin twitch under her lips.
She placed her hand where her mouth had been, her gaze going lower, following the intriguing narrow line of hair that bisected his abs and trailed behind the waistband of his jeans. She let her hand follow the journey her eyes had just taken, coming to rest at the button keeping the rest of him from her.
She glanced up at him.
‘Oh, no.’ Callum grinned. ‘Your turn.’ He removed her hand from his waistband and raised her arms above her head, holding her wrists together while he kissed her hard on the mouth. He trailed his fingers down her forearms, down her triceps, grazed the sensitive flesh of her underarm, brushed the swell of her breasts and down her rib cage to where her singlet rested against her stomach.
He pulled away from the kiss and smiled at her as he grasped the hem of her shirt and whisked it up and completely off in seconds.
‘Hailey,’ Callum breathed, looking his fill, still manacling her wrists above her head.
He brought her arms down slowly, watching her breasts, fascinated by their fullness and the dusky pink of their upturned nipples. He placed her hands, palms down, on the counter behind her, his fingers interlinked with hers, holding them there, making her chest thrust slightly.
‘Oh, my.’ Callum breathed out again and lowered his head, first kissing one rapidly puckering nipple and then the other.
‘Callum.’
He smiled against her chest as he heard the squeak of frustration and she squirmed a little on the bench. He glanced up at her from his position. ‘Shh.’ Then he turned his attention to a very enticing nipple and opened his mouth over it.
He groaned in satisfaction as she cried out and arched her back. He released her hands and immediately felt them in his hair, caressing it, urging his head closer. He obliged, switching sides, sweeping his arm behind her, bringing her closer, higher, further into his mouth.
Hailey squirmed, wanting to touch all of him, wanting to have him touch all of her. She kicked her feet against the cupboard doors in frustration.
Callum broke away, drunk with lust, his breath harsh with desire. ‘Let’s get horizontal,’ he suggested, sweeping her forward, lifting her bottom off the bench, gratified when her legs tightened around his hips, rubbing intimately against him. She clung to his neck and he almost fell over when she kissed him, squashing her breasts against him, distracting him from his goal, ruining his sense of direction.
They got as far as the nearest kitchen wall before he stopped, pushed her hard against it and returned her kiss. How they made it to her room, he’d never know. Between several wall stops, half-grunted directions and a hand finding its way below his waistband, it was amazing he didn’t injure both of them.
They collapsed on her bed. They didn’t notice the television still flickering or the multitude of hard, pointy objects barely covered by the thrown-back duvet. They were down and then they were naked, hastily discarding the rest of their clothes, and then they were all over each other. Exploring, touching, learning each other’s bodies, discovering their rhythm.
Hailey was no longer earthbound. There was just Callum and herself in a bubble, floating somewhere in space, no need for earthly restrictions. Sensations swirled around her like psychedelic starbursts. Energy and heat and light danced along her nerve endings and fizzed like champagne in her veins.
From the feel of his mouth on her flesh to the eroticism of his hair grazing her stomach to the way he fitted inside her like he was the key that had been made especially for her—it was perfect in every way. There was none of the awkwardness typical of first times. No shyness. No reserve. Just two people finding an ancient rhythm composed especially for them.
When the crescendo came it surpassed all her expectations. He called her name and they rose and fell together, holding each other tight, riding the ripples, spinning and spinning.
Spinning as one. Floating as one. Landing as one—gently, gently, locked together in blissful lassitude. Callum shifted, pulled her into him, spooning her, kissing her neck, whispering sweet nothings as sleep claimed them both.
Callum’s last thought was momentous. I’m not falling. I’ve fallen. His arm tightened around her as he felt sleep tug him further under.
He was in love with Hailey Winters.
CHAPTER NINE
CALLUM woke about five the next morning in exactly the same position, the top of Hailey’s head tucked under his chin. The first creep of dawn was pushing itself through the gap where the curtains didn’t quite meet and his arm had fallen asleep.
Neither of them had moved. Hailey’s neck was close and he nuzzled it, inhaling her aroma, dropping a kiss there as he slowly retrieved his arm. She murmured and rolled on her stomach, the sheet slipping to reveal the blemish-free olive perfection of her back and the cheeky rise of her bottom.
He clenched and unclenched his fist, grimacing as the blood returned and a thousand hot pins needled his skin. He ignored them, determined nothing could ruin the sight before him as he allowed his gaze to linger on Hailey’s naked form.
Normally, if Tom had sneaked into bed with him in the middle of the night, he woke to his son’s foot in his face or orchie in his ribs. At the very least he was woken at the crack of dawn by Tom’s excited voice, shaking and begging him to get up, get up.
To be able to lie here and leisurely wake up next to the woman he loved, the gorgeous, naked woman he loved, was extremely gratifying. He’d forgotten how special that could be and he wanted to do it every morning. Yes, they had some issues to resolve but it had taken years to fall in love again and now he had, he didn’t want to waste time being apart.
He trailed a finger down her spine and smiled as she murmured again. Her skin was warm and supple and he felt goosebumps against the pads of his fingers. It had been a long time since he’d felt this content, that things were going to work out OK. After six years maybe it was his time to be happy?
When he thought about it, he’d known since the beginning. Just like with Annie. It hadn’t just been the moonlight that night or the way she’d been with Tom. There’d been a…flicker…a gut feeling that she was more than sparkly legs and a pretty face. She had intrigued him, bewitched him that night and now he knew why. Because he’d fallen for her. From the second she’d taken Tom’s hand, prepared to protect a little boy she didn’t know from Adam, he had been an absolute goner.
He rolled on his stomach, his side pressed against hers, and propped himself up on his elbows. He dropped a kiss on her upper arm and another on her shoulder blade. Did she feel the same? She hadn’t said anything when he had told her he was falling for her. No I think I am too or even That’s great, let me think about it.
Saturday had freaked her out. Hell, it had freaked him out too. He had withdrawn from her, shut her out, caught up in the heart-pounding fear that something had happened to Tom. But loving her meant loving every part of her. Even the panic merchant. It meant warts and all.
Hailey had baggage that would impact on their lives. He knew that. But, then, so did he. And he would spend the rest of his life being there for her when the events of her past overwhelmed her, reassuring her. And if she was hyper-vigilant with Tom then so be it. It would be nice to have someone else to share his vigilance with as well as his fears for Tom’s future.
Still, he had the feeling she’d be skittish, especially after the events of Saturday. And what if she didn’t love him? Just because he had an inkling that she shared his feelings, it didn’t mean that she did. She was definitely attracted to him, had admitted it in word and deed. But he wanted more than a physical thing, more than sex.
He wanted what he’d had with Annie. A deep and abiding commitment to each other. A wedding ring. Maybe more children—that little brother for Tom. Despite the tragic end to his marriage, he would never not have done it and he was sure he and Annie would have been together for ever had fate not dealt them a rotten hand. Some of the happiest years of his life had been in his marriage and he was a firm believer in the institution.
He certainly wanted another shot at it. With Hailey.
‘Why are you watching me?’
Callum smiled against her shoulder, nuzzling his face into the roundness of it. ‘Because I can’t believe how lucky I am,’ he murmured, his voice muffled as he scattered kisses on her skin.
Hailey smiled and gave a languorous stretch. ‘Good answer. What time is it?’ she asked, rolling on her back, turning her head to look at the clock.
Callum feasted his eyes on the view that just got even better. His body acted predictably and he felt his pulse rate pick up in anticipation.
‘Ugh! Five a.m.?’ She turned back to face him. ‘What a perfectly indecent hour.’
Good. It matched his perfectly indecent thoughts.
Hailey caught him ogling and felt her nipples grow hard beneath his very sexual gaze. There was no awkward morning-after moment—she felt like she’d been waking up next to him for ever. She was tempted to stretch a bit more, tease him a little. ‘You didn’t hear what I said, did you?’
He pulled his gaze away from her breasts and grinned. ‘You spoke?’
Hailey’s toes curled at the streak of pure naughtiness in his voice. She raised herself on her bent elbows thrilled by the way Callum’s gaze was glued to her every movement. ‘Why are you so far away?’ she murmured.
‘Good question.’ He grinned again and pulled her over on top of him.
Hailey was happy as she cradled her cup of tea in her lap out on the deck with Callum a couple of hours later. It was a glorious Monday morning, the sky was cloudless and the sun sparkled on the Brisbane River below.
Callum was munching on toast, dressed in just his jeans from last night, sitting opposite her, grinning like the cat that had swallowed the cream. She was sitting wrapped in her bathrobe, her combed, wet hair drying in the sun, her face turned towards the still mild rays, her eyes shut. Her feet were propped on his lap. They’d just showered together and she was reliving every sexy detail.
‘You know those lapels gape and I can see a good amount of your chest?’ Callum mused.
Hailey opened her eyes and looked directly at him. ‘Yep.’
Callum laughed. ‘Tease.’
She laughed and shut her eyes again. Callum was massaging her feet and she felt like a big old tabby cat, warmed by the sun, stroked by its owner, content and very, very happy.
‘Well, I’d love to play hookey for the day like some, but I have to go to work and I need to go home for a change of clothes.’ Callum removed her feet reluctantly.
Hailey opened her eyes and sighed. It had been a perfect twelve hours and she didn’t want it to end. She’d deliberately not thought about what happened next. She didn’t want to have to go back to reality so soon.
‘You could just wear that,’ she suggested, lifting a foot and tracing her toe down the centre of his stomach, drawing it lightly across his fly area, grinning when he blasted her with a sultry look and grabbed hold of her foot so she couldn’t create any more havoc.
He stood, upsetting her position, picking up his mug and plate. ‘I’m feeling objectified.’
‘Yeah, I know how you guys hate that.’
Callum laughed and skirted her chair, evading her hands. ‘I’m going to be late.’
Hailey sighed and gathered her dishes, following Callum inside. ‘Here, give them to me,’ she said. ‘Go get your stuff together.’
Callum passed over his crockery, kissing her hard and brief on the mouth as he did so. She opened her eyes, dizzy from the surge of desire licking at her body, and found him looking at her.
‘I like it when you look like that.’
‘Like what?’ she asked breathily.
Thoroughly kissed. Glazed. Maybe even, in love? ‘Starry-eyed.’ He grinned.
She was about to protest his description, not liking how…how…teenage-girl-with-a-crush it sounded but, then, she had been staring at him stupidly and grinning at him since five a.m. And as she’d been studiously avoiding calling it—what had happened between them—anything, a crush sounded pretty damn good.
A knock interrupted their conversation and Hailey stared at the door, trying to fathom what to do about it, while her hormones were still directing impulses away from her brain.
Callum laughed. ‘Take the dishes.’ He kissed her and then turned her round to face the kitchen. ‘Snap out of it.’ He gave her a gentle push. ‘I’ll get the door.’
Hailey walked automatically, one foot in front of the other. How did he expect her to snap out of it when he kept kissing her all the time? She got to the sink and looked at the dishes in her hands. What had he said she was to do?
Callum was smiling as he opened the door. It was one of those moments. The moment when your life was perfect and you had absolutely no idea that just around the corner, or on the other side of a door, things were about to come crashing to a halt. He’d lived through two of those already and had no reason to doubt that, having been dealt his fair share, he was in line for another.
‘Er…oh!’
Callum blinked at the nonplussed-looking man standing on Hailey’s doorstep. He didn’t have to enquire who it was. It was the man from the photo. Paul.
‘I’m terribly sorry. I’m not sure I have the right address. I’m looking for Hailey Winters.’
Callum nodded, the clipped English accent bothering him more than it should have. ‘No. No, you have the right address.’
They stared at each other for a moment or two, trying to get the other’s measure. Callum could see Paul was confused to be met by a man. A half-naked man at that. He felt his hackles rise. Had he thought she was going to pine away for someone who’d driven her away?
‘Do you think I could…come in? Maybe see her?’
Callum detected the faint note of impatience, maybe even arrogance. He wanted to like this man—heaven knew, he felt sorry for him. He could certainly relate to him. He could have been him, after all. There but for the grace of God and all that. But at the moment all Paul was was a fly in his ointment.
‘Of course.’ Callum gave himself a shake and stood aside to admit…who? His rival? The man who Hailey had loved and lost? He noted the sizeable suitcase by Paul’s side and felt a creep of alarm. ‘I’ll just go and…see what she’s up to.’
Callum walked to the kitchen, his brain grappling with the implications of Paul’s appearance. Hailey was standing at the sink, her back to him. ‘Hailey,’ he called.
Hailey turned, grateful for the distraction. The water was running and the dishes were in the sink but she was just staring at them, smiling goofily at the rainbows in the bubbles. ‘Hmm?’
‘You have a…visitor.’
Hailey frowned. At seven-thirty in the morning? The look on Callum’s face brought her quickly out of her daydream. She wiped her hand on a teatowel and covered the distance to the doorway quickly. Something was wrong.
She looked up to see Paul standing in the middle of her lounge room. ‘Paul?’
Callum shut his eyes at the strange note in her voice. There was surprise, incredulity and something else, something harder to hear. Joy. One word yet full of so much…hope.
Hailey crossed the room in seconds. She threw herself into Paul’s arms, amazed to see him, grateful beyond words that he was there. His arms pulled her close and she almost cried it felt so good be held without reserve. Without censure.
She pulled back slightly, so happy to see him she accepted his quick kiss on her mouth without any thought. In fact, she gave him one back. And then kissed each cheek before pulling him back for another long, lingering hug.
Callum clenched his fists, the urge to rip them apart overwhelming. He wanted to break things. He understood that this reunion was always going to be an emotional one but this was on a whole other level. She was in her bathrobe, for crying out loud. She was naked underneath. He’d just been ogling her breasts. Paul had missed his chance. He didn’t get to hold her so intimately.
They pulled apart and shared a look so private that Callum despaired about their future.
‘Oh, my God, I can’t believe you’re here,’ she whispered.
‘Maybe I should have called first?’
Hailey frowned up at him and then turned when Paul indicated behind them. Callum was still standing in the doorway to the kitchen, his chest bare, his eyes shuttered, his jaw rigid.
He was tense. She could see that. But it was too much. All too much to take in. She’d hoped for this moment for a long time, for Paul to come to her, to absolve her, and now it was here, it had to take precedence. She couldn’t think about Callum and what had just happened. There was unresolved stuff between her and Paul, closure to be had. Paul had lost a child, a son the same age as Tom, he needed her more. Surely Callum would understand that?
‘Oh, no, Callum was just leaving,’ she assured Paul quickly.
Callum felt as if she’d punched him in the solar plexus. This couldn’t be happening. She’d just dismissed him as if they were casual acquaintances. Mere friends. Last night they’d been as far removed from friends as possible. Five minutes ago she’d been teasing him with glimpses of her flesh and now another man was touching her. Touching her with familiarity. With a casual ease that spoke of greater intimacy.
She wanted him to go, he could see that. Her eyes were pleading silently with him and he battled with himself to do her bidding, to realise what this meant to her. He forced himself to nod, his gaze firmly fixed on Paul’s hand at her waist. ‘Yes. I’ll be out of your hair in a moment.’
Callum stalked out of the room and Hailey nearly sagged against Paul in relief. She didn’t have time for a macho male showdown, for ego. This was big. This thing that had just happened was big. Bigger, right now, than her and Callum’s night of carnal pleasure.
There was so much she wanted to ask Paul, to catch up with. So much was unresolved. She wanted to know how he was. How he’d been doing. Paul and Eric had been such a big part of her life and there was no denying she’d left a part of her heart behind in London.
When Callum came back into the lounge fully dressed he discovered Paul and Hailey on the lounge, talking quietly, sitting close, their knees almost touching, her still in her bathrobe. He clenched his fist around his keys, wanting to drag her away, to demand she get dressed, order her to stand by his side.
They looked up as he entered the room. ‘I’ll ring you tonight,’ he said.
Hailey saw the stormy conflict in his gaze, the whites of his knuckles. She stood and moved until she was standing in front of him. ‘Thank you,’ she mouthed. She wanted to reach up and touch his jaw, place her hands on his chest, but felt too awkward in the circumstances.
‘We need to talk,’ he murmured.
She nodded. ‘Not now. Soon.’
Callum looked into her deep brown eyes. He saw the pitch and roll of emotion as she grappled with the situation. He saw her sincerity but also saw her struggle. ‘I’ll call tonight.’
He lowered his head to kiss her. Whatever the hell had just happened in the last fifteen minutes, it didn’t seem right not to. He’d fallen in love last night and he wasn’t going to pretend that hadn’t happened or he hadn’t kissed every inch of her body because her old boyfriend was back in town.
Hailey averted her face and his lips fell chastely on her cheek. Like the first time. Except nothing had ever been chaste between them. Even that first time there had been an undercurrent, a foretelling of the future. She could sense his disappointment, his disapproval, and she squeezed his arm, begging him to understand.
Callum bade Paul a curt goodbye and left. So not how he’d pictured that this morning would go. So not the way he’d wanted them to part.
Having the day with Paul was cathartic for Hailey, to say the least. They talked a lot about Eric and that day and the days that had followed. And about them and their breakup and Donna. He told her about his new job and rebuilding his life. He also made no secret of the fact that he wanted her to be part of it. That he’d forgiven her, absolved her and was ready to love her.
Which was what she’d wanted all along. To hear him say those words. At the time she’d have stayed without hesitation, been part of his life, and helped him through the dark times. She’d begged him to. Pleaded with him to allow her to take care of him, despite how he had betrayed her with his ex. But he’d sent her away.
And she’d understood that. He had been a father who had just lost a son. He hadn’t been capable of worrying about anyone else’s feelings or needs. So she’d comforted herself with the fact that he was grieving and she’d left, come back to Australia to lick her wounds and hope that he would come for her some day.
And so now he was here, telling her all the things she had wanted to hear back then. So, what was the problem? This was what she’d wanted, wasn’t it? But things weren’t as clear cut as they had been back then. A lot of water had flowed under the bridge and she was a much stronger person.
Her confidence as a nurse, which had taken a massive battering, was slowly returning. Her days that had had no direction other than survival had purpose and structure, and a man had come into her life wanting her, accepting her.
She could see her reticence confused Paul. He’d obviously thought she was just going to say all was forgotten and fall back into his arms. And if she was honest with herself, she’d admit his assumption rankled. Yes, he’d been hurt, he’d been grieving, but, then, so had she.
He had discarded her. Trampled all over her love. Finding him in bed with his ex had cut her so deeply that she’d doubted she could ever love again. Did he expect her to just wipe that under the carpet?
Callum checked his mobile message bank all day. He hoped desperately one of the messages that were flashing on his machine when he got home in the evening would be from her. One was from Tom. Two were from his secretary. And one was a hang-up. He lasted an hour before he dialled her number.
‘Hi, this is Hailey’s voicemail, I’m busy right now so leave a message.’
Busy? Busy doing what? Callum’s heart thudded in his chest while he waited for the beep. He thought of several things to say and discarded them all. He’d give anything to hear her voice. Her real voice. To be with her, lying beside her as he had done last night. Why did it seem such an age ago now?
He replaced the phone as several scenarios of what she was doing right now popped into his head.
Stop it!
The apartment was quiet and he found himself wishing Tom was there. At least there was never a silent moment or time to indulge in his own thoughts with an energetic six-year-old around. At least Tom kept his mind off things and caring for his son took up all his energy. There was usually nothing left of him at the end of the day and right now it seemed exceedingly inviting.
He channel-surfed for a while, glancing at the wall clock every couple of minutes. It hit seven-thirty and the evening alone with his thoughts stretched interminably ahead. He stood. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t wait around. He had to know. Callum was at her door in under a minute, banging loud enough to announce his presence to the entire floor.
Hailey hurried to the door—had Paul lost the key? She blinked at Callum’s glowering presence. His shirt was untucked and dark stubble shadowed his jaw. He obviously hadn’t shaved after he’d left that morning. He looked big and mad and handsome and she realised after an exhausting day of reflection and analysis with Paul how much she’d missed him. ‘Hi.’
Callum stood on the doorstep, his eyes greedily roving over her face and body, her presence momentarily striking him dumb. It was a few moments before he recovered. ‘We need to talk.’
‘Callum.’ Hailey shut her eyes. It was so good to see him, to hear his voice. Had it only been last night they’d made love?
‘Can I come in?’
She sighed. ‘Callum.’
‘Please?’
His voice was husky and full of yearning and she wanted to do more than just invite him in. She wanted to take him into her bed, put her head on his shoulder and listen to the steady thud of his heart. She stood aside.
Callum braced himself to be polite to Paul as he brushed past her and stepped into her apartment. ‘Where’s Paul?’ he asked, looking around the empty lounge room.
‘He’s gone to the bottle shop,’ Hailey murmured, skirting Callum to stand nervously beside the lounge.
How cosy. ‘So, what’s been happening today?’
‘We’ve talked. A lot. It’s been…cathartic.’
Callum frowned. He heard the weariness in her voice. ‘He hasn’t been upsetting you has he?’
‘No. Of course not.’
‘So where does this leave us?’
‘Callum, please. I need some closure. I need this time with Paul, please…’
Callum clenched his fists. ‘So was I just a substitute lover? Until the real thing came back into your life?’
Hailey reached for the lounge as she staggered from his insult. ‘It wasn’t like that, and you know it. What happened between you and I was…’ Hailey sighed wearily. She’d talked so much today her voice hurt.
‘Was?’ he demanded.
‘Something I can’t think about right now. How was I to know that he was going to show up on my doorstep?’
‘Isn’t that what you’d been hoping for?’
Today had been a day for honesty and Hailey didn’t see the point in stopping now. ‘Yes. Deep down, yes. In the beginning I did hope he would,’ she admitted. ‘But I never expected it.’
Callum felt her slipping away. ‘So you’ve always been holding out a little for him?’
‘No. Yes…I don’t know. All I know is that my life changed irrevocably over a year ago—’
‘And it didn’t change irrevocably on Sunday night?’
Hailey shut her eyes. Of course it had. ‘You know what I mean, Callum. Paul dumping me, Eric’s death…it tore my life to pieces and only Paul can help me put it back together.’
‘No, you’re wrong, Hailey.’
Hailey felt a lump rise in her throat. ‘You don’t understand,’ she said, choking on a sob.
‘I don’t understand?’ Callum growled, ignoring the anguish evident in her voice. He closed the distance between them and reached for her. ‘I don’t understand? Let me tell you, Hailey, I know about pieces. Little tiny pieces of your life that are torn from you and shredded and strewn everywhere and there’s nothing you can do about it and nothing’s the same ever again and you have to go on even though you’re bleeding and injured and all you want to do is curl up and die. I know about irrevocable changes. Trust me on this. I. Can. Help. You.’
A tear escaped and trekked down her cheek. Poor Callum, how much he had suffered. But this was about her survival, her closure. She knew what she needed for that. For the first time, thanks to him, she knew.
‘No, Callum. I need to do this. I need to see this through to the end. Alone.’
Callum shook his head and released her. How had he picked another woman who was so hell bent on rejecting his help? ‘God, what is it with women? You’re just like Annie.’
‘No Callum. I’m not. I’m nothing like Annie. I didn’t stay and fight tooth and nail like she did. I wasn’t strong like she was. I fell apart. I left with my tail between my legs. I ran away. But not any more. I have to face this now. I can’t run from it any more.’
‘But she never let me help her either.’
Hailey heard the anguish in his voice and her heart went out to him. She lifted her hand to his cheek. ‘Because Annie knew something I’ve only just realised. Some things you just have to do on your own.’ She dropped her hand. ‘Just give me this time with him. Please, Callum. If you feel anything for me at all, you’ll let me do this my way.’
Callum ran his hand through his hair. If he felt anything for her? Damn it, he loved her! It killed him to think he couldn’t help her.
He sighed. ‘OK.’
Hailey shut her eyes briefly. She reached for his hand and was grateful he didn’t reject the gesture. She gazed down at their interlocked fingers. ‘Thank you, Callum.’
He squeezed her hand. ‘I’ll see you at work? When are you back on?’
‘Day after tomorrow,’ she murmured.
He gave her hand another squeeze before dropping it. ‘The day after tomorrow, then.’
‘Sure.’
CHAPTER TEN
HAILEY’S STOMACH fluttered uneasily, feeling like a herd of elephant butterflies had taken up residence when she returned to work. She knew she’d see Callum at some stage today. Hell, she’d be lying if she didn’t admit that a large part of her was looking forward to it. But mostly she felt nervous. She knew he wanted answers. But the truth was she didn’t have any—just more questions. It should have been clear cut but it wasn’t.
The day was busy, for which she was grateful. No time to glance at the swing door every time it opened. No time to worry about who was on the other end of the constantly ringing phone. No time to wonder why he hadn’t appeared yet or speculate about to when he would.
Morning tea came and went, so did lunch. Home time was only an hour away and Hailey couldn’t figure out if she was relieved or annoyed. Was he trying to punish her, give her a dose of her own medicine? Or had he just got caught up with his private patients or down in Emergency? They’d already had several admissions from them that day as it was.
Soon though, Callum’s presence, or lack of it, quickly faded as Hailey became worried about the two-month-old that had been admitted a couple of hours ago. The little girl, Sarah, had come up via Emergency for investigation of a febrile illness, query viral in origin. She had a two-day history of lethargy, poor feeding and vomiting. All the usual tests had been run in Emergency—blood and urine—and she had a peripheral drip running. Prophylactic antibiotics had been commenced until the cause of the infection had been isolated.
In the two hours she’d been on the ward she’d been stable but her condition in the last ten minutes had worsened. Her fever had just spiked to forty-one and her extremities were now mottled, with very poor perfusion. Worst of all she was becoming less and less responsive.
Rosemary smiled at her as she ducked into the bay, looking for one of the ward’s tympanic thermometers. ‘Do you know where Yvonne is?’ Hailey asked.
‘She was in her office a minute ago,’ Rosemary said.
‘Can you, please, get her for me?’ Hailey asked, trying to keep the feeling of dread from rising in her chest and escaping in her voice.
Still, she must have looked pretty serious because Rosemary left immediately, returning with Yvonne.
‘What’s wrong?’ Yvonne asked, cutting to the chase.
Hailey breathed a sigh of relief. ‘I don’t like the look of her.’ She rattled off her concerns to Yvonne. ‘Can you page the reg, please?’
Yvonne left immediately and Hailey placed some flow by oxygen near the baby’s face. She noted that Sarah’s pulse displayed on the saturation monitor seemed to have plateaued at about one hundred and ninety. The fever was no doubt responsible for some of the alarming figure, but she checked it herself to make sure it was right. The brachial pulse bounded beneath her touch so rapidly it was hard to count. In fact, Sarah’s entire abdomen pulsed with the pounding of her heart.
‘Do you know where her mum went?’ Hailey asked Rosemary.
‘She said she was going home to sort out the other kids. She said she’d only be an hour.’
‘OK, thanks.’ Hailey nodded as she hit the button to take another blood pressure measurement and checked the baby’s pupils while she waited. Still briskly reactive but Sarah wasn’t responding to any of Hailey’s interventions.
Callum entered 2B quickly. Yvonne had left him in no doubt that it was urgent and he hadn’t wasted any time getting here. He strode to the bay, faltering when he saw Hailey at the bedside. He’d known it was her first shift back, had been trying his damnedest to get here all day, but things had been crazy and everything had conspired against him. And one look at the baby told him now wasn’t the time for chatting.
‘What have we got?’
Hailey looked up from her tiny patient, startled to find Callum here. She’d been expecting his registrar, Adele Nolan, who was an excellent doctor, more than capable of handling the situation.
Anyway, it didn’t matter. Not even this moment that she’d been dreading and anticipating all day mattered. Seeing him again after their tête-à-tête the other night was strange, and she felt her pulse leap at his sheer masculinity, but she paid it no heed. There was enough adrenaline charging around her system at the moment to kick-start a generator. And all their issues had to take a back seat to the grimness of Sarah’s situation.
Hailey filled Callum in on her recent deterioration as if they’d been doing this together for ever. ‘I think she’s septic.’
Callum nodded, his concern for the very unwell-looking baby also overriding the million things he wanted to say to Hailey. ‘BP?’ he asked as he took his stethoscope out and listened to the baby’s chest.
‘Fifty-five systolic.’
He nodded, listening over the entire lung field. He palpated the abdomen. ‘Let’s give her some extra fluid. What’s her access like?’
‘Good cubital fossa,’ Hailey said, indicating the drip at the crook of the baby’s elbow.
‘Twenty per kilo. Let’s fill her up and get her to ICU.’
Hailey and Callum worked on reversing the shocked infant while Yvonne did some ringing around. First she rang ICU to organise a consult and a bed and then she rang Sarah’s mother on her mobile to tell her to come back to the hospital immediately.
The ICU team arrived, consisting of a nurse and a doctor, and they all worked together to stabilise the baby. Twenty minutes later Sarah was intubated and hooked up to a portable ventilator and monitor. The extra fluid had also gone in and her heart rate and blood pressure had both improved slightly.
‘We’ll get a central line and an arterial line in when we get back to the unit,’ Glenda Collins, the ICU doctor, told Callum. ‘We might need to start some inotropes too if the blood pressure remains too saggy. Are we ready to go, Kyle?’ she asked the nurse who had accompanied her.
Yvonne paged an orderly and a few minutes later the cot, loaded with portable machines, was wheeled out of the ward, flanked by two wardsmen, Glenda and Kyle. Sarah looked very, very tiny, dwarfed by all the medical personnel and equipment.
Yvonne, Hailey and Callum watched them leave.
‘Will she be all right, do you think?’ Rosemary asked, standing back in the corridor to allow the cot to pass.
Hailey looked at the junior nurse. ‘I hope so.’ She smiled. ‘Fingers crossed.’
‘She has a very good chance,’ Callum butted in. ‘Thanks to Hailey’s quick intervention.’
Hailey blushed at his compliment. She’d handled it well. She knew that. She’d felt calm and confident. Sure, her heart was beating a little fast, but that was only to be expected when a baby’s life was on the line. Even the most hardened professionals succumbed to the effects of adrenaline, they just knew how to channel it to their advantage.
A year ago something like this would have really thrown her. But she’d come a long way since then. Callum made her feel like she could do anything.
‘Are you OK?’ he asked her, his hand on her shoulder.
She smiled at him. ‘I’m fine. Thanks for coming so promptly.’
He shrugged. ‘Yvonne said it was urgent.’
She nodded. ‘Thanks anyway.’
He looked at her, saw the dark smudges under her eyes. ‘How are things…?’
Hailey hesitated for a moment. ‘OK.’
‘Do you need to talk?’ She looked like she needed to talk.
Hailey looked at her watch. Her shift was nearly over. It was surprisingly tempting. He looked so good and she had missed him. ‘I can come to your office in half an hour?’
Callum gave her shoulder a squeeze. ‘Thirty minutes. That would be great.’
Hailey felt more nervous standing in front of Callum’s office door than she had when Sarah had gone bradycardic, her heart rate having plummeted right down to forty during intubation. But she’d known why that had happened. She knew about the vagal nerve and how stimulating it could cause a drop in the pulse rate. And she’d known a dose of atropine would fix it.
But there wasn’t a drug to fix the twisted triangle she found herself in. Paul wanting her. Callum wanting her. Paul, who had come back into her life like she’d once hoped he would. Paul, who was finally past what had happened with Eric and was prepared to forgive her and move on. Paul, who had betrayed her trust and sent her away.
Callum wanting her. Callum, who she’d been wildly attracted to from the beginning. Callum, whose past was littered with tragedy but who had gone on, refusing to be cowed. Callum, who was still in love with his dead wife.
She summoned her nerve and knocked on the door.
Callum looked up from the computer screen he was feigning interest in. He closed the application with a click of the mouse. ‘Come in.’
Hailey entered as Callum was rising from his chair. ‘Hi,’ she said, shutting the door after her.
‘Hi.’ They looked at each other for a few moments. He’d missed her. His arms had ached and his heart had felt heavy and he hated how the space beside him in bed that had been empty for six years suddenly seemed so cold. ‘Sit,’ he said, pulling out a chair for her, remembering his manners.
Hailey sat. She was conscious of him looming over her and she didn’t breathe easily until he resumed his seat. He looked tired, his tie, sporting frogs in tiaras, had been loosened, his top button undone.
‘So. What’s happening with you? You look tired,’ he said tentatively.
‘So do you.’
‘Guess neither of us is getting much sleep.’
Hailey nodded. ‘He wants me to go back with him,’ she blurted out.
Callum felt his heart stop in his chest before it resumed at a more rapid pace. ‘And what do you want?’ he asked, breathing carefully, concentrating on staying calm and using logic and reason instead of petty, macho jealousy.
Hailey massaged her forehead. ‘I should want it, too.’
‘Should?’
‘It’s what I’d hoped for when I left the UK.’ She looked at him beseechingly, trying to make him understand how big this was for her.
‘And lately?’
Hailey shook her head and smiled sadly. ‘No. Not lately. Lately I’d started to forget…to feel good about my life. About being here.’ About you. ‘But…Oh, heavens, Callum, I didn’t think he was ever really going to show up like this. I mean, I’d hoped…back in the beginning but…I’m so confused.’
Callum counted five even breaths. ‘Well, I wish I could help you with that, Hailey, but I’m a little confused myself.’
‘He says he forgives me. That he doesn’t blame me. Do you know how long I’ve waited to hear that?’
‘Forgive you?’ Callum frowned. ‘What for?’
Hailey looked at him. ‘Oh, for Pete’s sake, Callum,’ she muttered. ‘Don’t be so bloody obtuse. For Eric, of course.’
Callum felt his hackles rise. ‘Well, that’s very magnanimous of him.’
He’d tried to cut Paul some slack. He knew intimately how upside down and inside out things could become. But making Hailey feel bad about something that hadn’t been her fault was wrong. Letting her continue to beat herself up about it was worse. Making a big deal of absolving her for it was just plain screwed up.
‘Hey. His son died, Callum,’ she said sharply. ‘Eric died.’
Callum rose and leaned over the desk. ‘Yes, he did. And that wasn’t your fault.’
‘I was employed to care for him.’ She glared at him.
‘Oh, God.’ He shook his head and sat down again. ‘You do still blame yourself for this.’
The crazy thing was that she didn’t, not any more. Or at least she hadn’t. But seeing Paul again, reliving all those memories, hearing him talk about forgiveness and absolution, she’d been sucked back into the doubt and insecurities of that time.
‘You think going back to England with him, being with him, will absolve you? You want to be part of a couple where you’re going to be apportioned the role of blame? Where your place in the relationship rests on your guilt and his sick way of punishing you?’
Hailey shut her eyes and wished she could shut her ears to his criticism. ‘Eric was six, Callum. Tom’s age.’
‘And he contracted meningitis and he died. And it was rapid and virulent and it sucked. It wasn’t fair. It was just some random, screwed-up, life’s-a-bitch occurrence. Like my wife dying. Like Tom getting leukaemia. Like today, with Sarah. How quickly did her sepsis develop?’
Hailey blinked, her brain sluggishly searching back for the information. ‘She deteriorated over about fifteen minutes.’
‘Right. So from sick but stable to crashing in a heap in a quarter of an hour. Why’s that, do you think?’ he fired at her.
‘She compensated until she couldn’t any more.’
‘Right.’ He nodded with a satisfied bob of his head. ‘Compensation—kids do it really well. I bet Eric’s body did it really well too. Just like Sarah.’
‘But we got to Sarah in time, didn’t we?’
‘Sarah was already in hospital. Eric wasn’t. He had a very aggressive form of meningitis, Hailey. No one could have saved him.’
‘If I’d got him to hospital sooner…’
‘No, Hailey. No. There’s absolutely nothing to forgive and no blame to apportion. It wasn’t your fault and I’ll be damned if I’ll let him dump this on you.’
Hailey felt tears prick her eyes at Callum’s vehement defence of her. She shrugged. ‘He was grieving.’
‘And what about you, Hailey? Didn’t you love Eric too? You sure looked like you did in that photograph.’
She blinked her tears away. ‘He was Eric’s father, Callum. I think that’s a little different.’
‘So because you weren’t a blood relation, because you didn’t give birth to him, your feelings didn’t matter? Didn’t you need his reassurance, his support?’
‘His son had just died. I guess he wasn’t thinking about anyone else,’ she said wearily.
‘Doesn’t look like much has changed.’
‘Callum,’ she said reproachfully.
‘He’s not a priest, Hailey. And you didn’t commit any sins. He can’t give you the absolution you seek. No one but you can do that.’
Hailey rubbed her temples. Callum was being less than tolerant of Paul. Surely he of all people should understand? ‘Is it so wrong to want to live the rest of my life knowing he doesn’t blame me?’
‘No, it’s just human. But until you stop blaming yourself, is it going to matter what he or anybody else thinks?’
‘He says he loves me.’
Callum rubbed his hand over his head, this conversation too, too much for him to comprehend. ‘He’s got a funny way of showing it.’
‘Callum.’
‘What? First he drops you like a hot cake when his ex-wife came back on the scene and then it took him over a year to figure things out?’
She ignored his barb about the ex. ‘I think he’s had a bit on his plate,’ she said derisively.
‘What happens when his ex comes back again?’
Hailey felt suddenly chilled, thinking about the disruption Donna had caused the first time around. She brushed her hands up and down her arms. ‘Donna’s remarried,’ she said quietly.
He noticed the stiltedness of her voice and realised this tack wasn’t getting him anywhere. He sighed. ‘Do you love him?’ She opened her mouth to answer but he was so afraid she’d say yes he continued, qualifying his question further. ‘I mean, truly love him, not out of some sense of guilt or blame or some warped way of apologising for imagined wrongs.’
Callum braced himself for her answer. Had she been holding a candle for Paul the whole time they’d been attracted to each other? What if her guilt led her to make the ultimate sacrifice?
Well, damn it all, he was used to fighting, wasn’t he? He’d fought for Annie and for Tom and if she thought he’d stand aside and let her go to Paul out of some weird sense of duty, that he wouldn’t fight like hell for her, she was wrong. He had already lost one woman he loved, he wasn’t going to sit back and lose another.
She looked at him. ‘I don’t think I know what love is any more.’
‘Yeah? Well, I know what its not. It’s not reproachful or condescending or unforgiving. It doesn’t hold to ransom or indulge in subtle bribery. It doesn’t punish and it’s certainly not aloof.’
Hailey’s heart thudded in her chest and pounded in her ears. He hadn’t taken his eyes off her. ‘You seem to know an awful lot about it.’
‘Of course I do, Hailey. I’m looking at it. I’m in love with you.’ He stood, waiting for her to say something. She stared at him for what seemed an age and he shoved his hands in his pockets. ‘I realised the other night, after we’d made love. But I think I knew even before that. Do you remember taking Tom’s hand at the ball? Protecting him from my wrath?’
Hailey smiled and nodded, remembering the night Tom had scared the life out of her, drawn to her stockings like a moth to a flame.
‘Then. That was the moment.’
‘Oh, Callum…’
‘No, it’s OK. You don’t have to say anything. I know you’re dealing with a lot at the moment and I don’t want some knee-jerk reaction in either direction. But I needed you to know. Wanted you to know.’
Hailey hadn’t expected this. She knew there was an attraction between them that she’d never experienced in her life before. Not with any of a string of pretty boys pre-London and certainly not with Paul. But love? She hadn’t expected that. She stood. ‘I don’t know what to say.’
Callum felt a crushing sense of loss and disappointment. ‘I love you too’ is customary. ‘I think if you don’t know the answer then that’s pretty telling.’
‘No, Callum,’ she said hastily. ‘This is a lot to take in with everything else…My head is spinning.’
He nodded, jamming his hands further into his pockets. He wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her. Hold her tight until the frown line between her brows vanished and the confusion in her eyes disappeared. ‘You should go.’
She took a step towards him. ‘Callum—’
He held up his hand. ‘It’s OK, Hailey. I’m a big boy and you have a lot to think about.’
Hailey nodded absently, and searched in her bag for her keys locating them after a few moments. ‘Say hi to Tom for me.’
‘I will.’
Callum watched her leave. He sat as the door shut after her. He placed his head on the desk.
That went well.
And think she did. All the way to her apartment, mulling over the things Callum had said. About being a slave to her guilt, being chained by it, unable to move forward. And about his stunning confession.
He loved her? It seemed crazy but she believed him. She’d seen the sincerity oozing from him. He loved her. Since the moment she’d taken Tom’s hand.
Paul was waiting for her at the door when she arrived home. ‘I missed you today.’
She looked into his face, searching his gaze. She hadn’t missed him. She’d thought about Callum and been absorbed in her work and, yes, she’d thought about Paul and him wanting her to go back to the UK. But she hadn’t missed him. Not like she’d missed Callum this past two days. There’d been none of the anticipation inside her as she’d driven home to Paul that had been there that morning going to work, knowing she would be seeing Callum.
She smiled at Paul, averting her face so his lips landed somewhere near her ear.
‘Everything OK?’ Paul frowned.
‘Sure,’ she dismissed. She headed towards the kitchen, turning back to ask, ‘When did you realise you loved me?’
She watched the puzzled look on Paul’s face. Eric had looked at her like that when she’d asked him to do something and he had been trying to fathom why.
‘A few weeks ago.’ He shrugged. ‘The counsellor I was telling you about, she was urging me to look around my life, to evaluate it, and it’s been so…empty. And we used to have such good times, do you remember, you, me and Eric? And I want that back. I want to laugh again. We always laughed when we were with you.’
Hailey nodded her head slowly. They had laughed a lot. With Eric. In fact, all their happy memories were bundled up with Eric. But looking at Paul now, standing before her, it was obvious that Eric had been their glue. Had she stayed and they’d somehow managed to weather the storm of grief, they would have had nothing keeping them together. ‘Yes, we did. We laughed a lot. But that’s not love, Paul.’
‘We did love each other. Before Donna came back and complicated things. Before Eric…before he…’
‘Before Eric died. He died, Paul. You can’t even say the word.’
‘It’s hard, damn it!’ Paul yelled.
Hailey’s nerves jumped at the reprimand in his voice. She swallowed a lump and felt tears come to her eyes. ‘It wasn’t my fault.’ She looked straight at him.
‘Please, Hailey, you don’t have to worry about that any more. I’ve moved on. It happened and I don’t want you to beat yourself up about it any longer.’
She’d been waiting for him to agree. To say, yes, he knew it wasn’t her fault. But suddenly she realised she was never going to hear it. Callum had been right. She’d let him blame her. Subconsciously allowed him to heap guilt on her. Eric’s death had been sudden and tragic. But just as with Sarah’s rapid deterioration, it hadn’t been her fault.
‘It wasn’t my fault,’ she repeated. ‘And I’m not going to beat myself up about it any more.’
‘Good.’
She looked at him for a long moment. They’d shared something special for a while that may have grown into something lasting had a hand grenade not been thrown into their happy suburban existence. But all she felt for him now was a residual sense of loss. She couldn’t give him what he needed and he certainly couldn’t give her what she needed. Unconditional love.
‘Sit down, Paul, we need to talk.’
Tom and his grandparents were waiting for him when Callum got home from work and he was grateful for the distraction. Tom’s chatter filled up all the aching places in his heart and it felt so good to hold his squirming little body on his lap again.
Callum was relieved, though, when Tom went to bed a couple of hours later without complaint. Tom had been so wound up that Callum had been prepared for him to bounce off the walls until late in the evening, but days of sun and surf had obviously worn him out. He tucked Tom in, brushing the hair off his son’s face as he dropped a kiss on his forehead.
‘Daddy, when can I see Hailey?’
Callum stilled. Where had that come from? He wished he could say tomorrow. Or, better still, tell Tom to go in and say goodnight to Hailey right now. But he didn’t want to promise Tom anything he couldn’t deliver. Which was one of the reasons he shouldn’t have let himself or his son get too close in the first place. If Hailey rejected his love, took off to England with Paul, he wouldn’t be the only one who suffered.
‘I’m not sure, Tom.’ He smiled. ‘I think maybe Hailey needs some time to herself and we need to—’
A pounding at the front door interrupted his careful speech. He looked at his watch. ‘Who could that be?’ he asked Tom.
‘Can I go?’ Tom pleaded. Callum looked down into his beseeching gaze. ‘OK, but then it’s straight to bed,’ he agreed, swinging his son up into his arms.
Hailey banged for a second time on Callum’s front door. Her heart pounded and her hands shook and she was so nervous she wanted to throw up. But there’d been no thought of putting this off. Waiting till the morning.
Callum was balancing Tom on his shoulders when he opened the door to her. ‘Hailey,’ Tom shouted enthusiastically, bouncing up and down on his father’s shoulders.
To say Callum was stunned to see her was an understatement. He hadn’t expected to see or hear from her so soon. She looked awful. Her eyes were red-rimmed, her nose was red, her face was blotchy and she was still in her uniform. ‘Hell, are you OK?’ he asked as he wrestled Tom off his shoulders.
‘Why are you crying, Hailey?’ Tom asked.
‘Oh, dear, sorry, it’s nothing,’ Hailey dismissed, sniffling. She must look a state. She’d cried on and off for the last couple of hours. Her talk with Paul had been heart-wrenching and they’d both shed tears. Closing that chapter of her life had been hard, turning her back on Paul when he needed her very difficult. But she couldn’t be his emotional scapegoat any longer. And he needed to start his life afresh.
All three of them stood in the doorway, staring at each other. Callum felt a slow rise of dread. She was on his doorstep and had obviously been crying. Was she leaving with Paul? Was that what she’d come to tell him?
‘Do you think I could come in?’ she asked after a few moments.
‘Oh, of course, yes, I’m sorry, come in,’ Callum said, standing aside. ‘I was just about to put Tom to bed.’
‘Yay! Hailey can read me a story!’ Tom jumped up and down excitedly.
‘Oh, no, Tom, I don’t think Hailey—’
‘Nonsense,’ Hailey interrupted, grinning down at Tom. ‘I’d love to. Lead the way, young man.’ She held out her hand and let Tom tug her along to his room.
Callum hovered outside the door as Hailey read two books to Tom. He paced a lot as well. What was she doing here? Surely if it had been as the bearer of bad news she wouldn’t be wasting time reading to Tom?
‘Da-a-ady-y-y.’
That was his cue. He walked into Tom’s room and felt his heart flip in his chest at the sight before him. Hailey on her back, her arm around Tom, her shoes off. Tom was snuggled into her side, his faithful torch pressed to her chest. This was what he wanted. For him and for Tom. Every night.
He grinned at his son. ‘You yelled?’
‘You didn’t kiss me goodnight,’ Tom said.
‘Ah, very remiss of me.’
He leaned down, excruciatingly conscious of the fact his body had to lean over Hailey’s to get to Tom’s. He could smell her, see her lips in his peripheral vision.
Tom puckered up and Callum laughed as he pressed a brief kiss to Tom’s exaggerated lips and then one on his forehead. Tom threw his arms enthusiastically around his father’s neck and pulled him down for a great big squeeze, bringing Callum’s chest into intimate contact with Hailey’s. Callum held his breath, waiting for her to push him away or shrink from his touch.
Hailey shut her eyes as Callum’s aftershave enveloped her. She didn’t even feel the press of the hard torch into her rib cage so caught up was she in the divine smell of Callum’s skin.
Tom released his father and Callum moved away. Hailey didn’t want him to pull back. She wanted him to stay close. It had been so intimate and further cemented the feeling that this was where she belonged. ‘What about me?’
Callum paused. ‘I’m sorry?’
‘Don’t I get a kiss?’
‘Yeah, Daddy, Hailey wants one too.’
Callum’s heart pounded. ‘Ah…sure?’
Hailey smiled at the confusion in his gaze and nodded at him. His face moved closer to hers and she shut her eyes as his lips descended. And landed on her forehead. She opened them again to protest as he was moving back. ‘Hey, how come I only get one?’
‘Hailey…’ It really wasn’t fair for her to tease like this if she was going off to the other side of the world. Unless…
‘On the mouth, like Tom,’ she said, looking at him innocently and puckering up.
‘Hailey.’
She heard the strangled warning note in his voice and blinked up at him with mock coyness. She also heard his sigh but didn’t dare shut her eyes this time. When his lips touched hers she softened hers and held on tight around his neck so he couldn’t drop a quick peck, like he had with Tom.
Callum jerked back, his chest heaving, his eyes trying to read the message in hers. They didn’t look like eyes that had bad news to impart. He backed away and grabbed Hailey by the arm, pulling her upright. ‘Say goodnight to Hailey, Tom. We have to go talk now.’
Hailey kissed Tom on the forehead, conscious of Callum’s hand in hers tugging at her gently, ‘Goodnight, Tom. Don’t let the bedbugs bite.’
‘Or get in my ears.’ He giggled.
‘Especially that.’ She laughed back, ruffling his hair.
Hailey had walked two paces out of the room when Callum jerked her into his arms and kissed her full on the mouth. She groaned against his lips, snaking her arms up around his neck and rubbing her hands over his velvety hair.
‘Please, tell me this is what I think it is and not your warped way of saying goodbye,’ he gasped, pulling away.
She smiled and nodded at him, her finger flattening the frown crinkling his forehead. ‘I love you, Callum. I’m so sorry it took me a while to get it.’
Callum laughed, not quite believing what was happening. ‘Well, it was definitely worth the wait.’ He swooped his head down to kiss her again.
‘No, wait.’ She laughed, pressing her fingers to his mouth. ‘I think we need to talk a little first.’
‘Really?’ He pouted, his hands travelling south over the rise of her delectable derrière. ‘Can’t we do that later?’
‘No.’ She smiled as she removed his hands from her butt.
They moved into the lounge room. ‘What happened?’ he asked.
‘I got home after talking to you and I realised I didn’t love him. Not any more. Not the way he needed me to.’
Callum sat on the lounge, his legs suddenly weak from relief. ‘It took you long enough.’
She grinned at him. ‘That’s why I was so confused, I think. It’d been bugging me why I wasn’t falling all over him. He was here and a year ago that had been all that I’d wanted so why wasn’t I leaping into his arms? Why was I holding back?’
‘And why was that?’
‘Because I was in love with you.’
Callum held out his hand and when she took it he pulled her down beside him, snuggling her close, kissing the top of her head. ‘Good answer. When did you know?’
Hailey thought back and smiled, locating the exact moment easily. ‘That night on the balcony when you were dancing with Tom after midnight.’
She sighed against his chest, rubbing her face into his shirt. ‘I think I was coming to the realisation the night we made love and then Paul showed up and everything got so messed up.’
They sat in silence for a few minutes, holding each other. ‘Where’s Paul now?’
‘I drove him to a hotel.’
‘How did he take the news?’
Hailey sat up. ‘Not well at first. But we had a long talk. He admitted he’s always blamed me for Eric’s death and could see that it was unfair and he and I would never have worked out. Eric had always been our glue.’
Callum cradled her face with his hands and ran his thumbs gently under her eyes where they’d been all red half an hour ago. ‘He upset you?’
Hailey placed a hand over his. ‘No. It was just sad, that’s all. Cathartic and emotional and…sad to close a chapter of my life that has been so turbulent. But I think he’s going to be OK. He confronted some things he’d been hiding from so, yeah, I think it’ll work out for him eventually.’
‘Are you OK?’ he asked gently.
She smiled. ‘I am now.’
Callum leaned forward and rained light kisses on her eyes, her nose, her cheeks and her mouth.
‘How do you feel about marrying me?’ he asked, pulling away from her lips reluctantly.
Hailey looked into his eyes, searching for any uncertainty. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Of course.’ He frowned down at her, sensing her hesitation. ‘Why wouldn’t I be?’
Hailey took a breath. ‘Because of Annie.’
‘Annie?’
‘I think you might still be in love with her and I’m not her, Callum. I’ve already been with one man who chose another woman over me and I don’t want to invest in this to discover that I’m never going to match up. A real woman I can compete with. I can’t compete with a ghost.’
‘Oh, no, no, no,’ Callum denied quickly, cupping her face in his palms and dropping kisses on her closed eyelids. ‘A piece of me is always going to belong to Annie, as I’m sure a piece of you is always going to belong to Paul. She’s Tom’s mother and I loved her deeply. But I’m not in love with Annie. My heart is too full of you. It yearns for you. It adores only you. You are the woman of my dreams. Annie was my past. You are my future.’
Hailey felt a lump in her throat at the poetry of his words. His sincerity and love shone down at her. ‘Well, in that case,’ she whispered, her voice husky with barely contained tears, ‘I’d like very much to marry you.’
Callum smiled and leaned his forehead against hers, taking a moment to let her acceptance sink in. He pulled away slightly as a thought crossed his mind. ‘So being with another man who has a son doesn’t freak you out any more? Because you know if you take me on, that means you take us both on.’
‘Of course,’ Hailey said, hurt that he felt he even had to mention it. ‘I love Tom, Callum.’
‘Even knowing he’s not out of the woods yet? Knowing that he could relapse at any time? Knowing that if he does, his diagnosis is not good?’
Hailey swallowed, terrified at the very thought that something could happen to Tom. ‘Yes. Even knowing all that. I can’t live my life shut away from maybes. Cut myself off from something wonderful because of something that could maybe one day happen. ‘
‘My sentiments exactly.’
‘I’m always going to be a little on edge about it, though, Callum. That’s just me. But I know he’s a little boy who just wants to live his life. I’ll try and not be obsessive about it but you’re going to have to help me.’
He nuzzled her hair. ‘Well, that’ll be two of us on edge, then,’ he murmured. ‘But it’ll be my pleasure, helping you to keep everything in perspective.’ He found the thought that she would lean on him infinitely comforting. ‘Maybe we can be each other’s brakes?’
She lifted her face to him and smiled. ‘Sounds like a deal.’
‘But you have to know,’ he said, his fingers stroking her cheeks, ‘if it happens it’s not anything you’ve done. It’s just life, it’s unfair and no one is to blame and we’ll deal with it. Together.’
Together. She liked the sound of that. ‘Oh, Callum, where have you been all my life? I love you so much.’
He dropped a kiss on her mouth, groaning as her lips opened on his, asking for more. ‘Can we stop talking now?’ he asked against her mouth.
‘I thought you’d never ask,’ she whispered, pressing herself against him and letting his kisses sweep her away to a happily ever after.
EPILOGUE
TOM, DRESSED IN HIS little black tuxedo with matching bow-tie, squirmed between Callum and Hailey. ‘Can I hold him, please?’
Hailey looked at her sister and Rilla nodded indulgently. She was tired from a lengthy labour but with Luca’s arm around her and her son sleeping soundly, she felt strangely invigorated. She’d been so disappointed to miss Hailey’s big day but little Carlos had decided he couldn’t wait any longer, insisting on arriving on the day of his aunt’s wedding.
Hailey, still dressed in her simple white satin slip of a wedding gown, a daisy chain in her hair, moved over and fussed around, getting Tom securely seated between them before handing over her brand-new nephew. They’d come straight from the ceremony when Luca had rung through with the good news.
‘What do you reckon, mate?’ Callum asked, keeping an arm firmly beneath Tom’s for added support.
‘Well, he’s not as good as a baby brother but I’ve never had a cousin before so I guess he’s all right.’
Rilla laughed. ‘Why, thank you young man.’
Callum grinned at Hailey over Tom’s head and leaned across to kiss his wife of two hours. ‘Wait till we tell him our news,’ he whispered.
Hailey smiled back at her very handsome husband, resplendent in a black tuxedo, looking just as good as the night they’d met. It had been an unorthodox wedding day that had turned into a wonderful double celebration.
Her hand cradled her belly, content in the knowledge that Callum’s baby was growing safe and snug. Another Winters baby was going to be making its way in the world in less than eight months. Hopefully, a little brother for Tom.
Life was utterly perfect.
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